Harlan County Kentucky was notorious for moon shine running, and sometimes the young runners had to make a choice when it came to getting caught.
Nice one! I do think you have the potential to tighten up some of the writing, but the bones and most of the guts are on this one!
It struck me that you use “fun” when referring to Nell twice in the first three verses.
I feel like the “coffin full of nails” doesn’t make a whole lot of sense in context.
Finally… driving off a cliff is a fitting ending for this antihero… but taking this woman with him is a bit darker than the rest of the tone. Maybe he can push her out first!
In any case, I really enjoyed this.
October 21, 2019
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Hi Marvin! I was tapping my toe from the start!
Great feel to it and great prosody.
I really liked it!
Kathy
October 26, 2019
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Great story and delivery - reminds me of Thunder Road !!! Interesting twist with the Revenuer !!
November 13, 2019
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This is a great song! The musical production and performances were both solid.
The only thing I might recommend tweaking (or considering to tweak) is to speak the verses and then sing the choruses. You (or the lead singer) has a nice, deep voice and since it’s a story song, it would be great to hear it spoken as a story, in my opinion.
Also, if this story hasn’t already been made into a movie, it certainly has potential to be. Either as a short or a full length movie, with this being the ending I guess. Then you can have the title track to the movie!
May 02, 2020
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Jimmy Joe Jack Jones, Jr. - was named after his daddy James
Grew up in a hollow in Harlan - a county where nothing’s tame
Most men worked the coal mines - the Jones worked the hills
Producin' brew - mountain dew - from granddaddy’s moonshine still
Now Jimmy's '53 Caddy - rode real low to the road
Once a month he’d make the run - through Cumberland with a load
From Harlan up to Elkhorn - with a stop in Kingdom Come
It all went well - till a gal named Nell - rode along one night for fun…
And the moon shines bright on those Harlan summer nights
Where sometimes the young have to choose
Tween a coffin fulla’ nails or a revenuer’s cell
Just two ways outta’ Harlan - and either way you lose
The first stop was down at the river - a crate for Kirby McCain
Who traded cash for jars of mash - of Jimmy's high octane
Nell had promised Jimmy - some fun when the run was through
But she flashed a revenuers badge - he knew that he'd been duped
Jimmy thought he could sweet talk - Nell to let him slide
Then he saw the old brown Dodge - that belonged to Sheriff Cline
Jimmy quickly took the cue - pushed the pedal to the floor and gravel flew
Blue lights flashed from the Sheriff's dash - as they headed down 92
And the moon shines bright on those Harlan summer nights
Where sometimes the young have to choose
Tween a coffin fulla’ nails or a revenuer’s cell
Just two ways outta’ Harlan - and either way you lose
Nell yelled out to Jimmy Joe - Slowdown we gotcha now
You’re runnin' days are over - Jimmy knew there was no way out
His trunk was fulla 90 proof - they had a federal witness too
He knew he'd go to Terra Haute - and wear those prison blues
The needle flew to 102 - and the black Cadillac sailed
Through the next bend at 110 - straight through the wood guard rail
The sheriff watched from the mountain top - as the Caddy burst into flames
In the bottom of a hollow in Harlan - where Jimmy Joe chose his fate
And the moon shines bright on those Harlan summer nights
Where sometimes the young have to choose
Tween a coffin fulla’ nails or a revenuer’s cell
Just two ways outta’ Harlan - and either way you lose
Tween a coffin fulla’ nails or a revenuer’s cell
Just two ways outta’ Harlan - and either way you lose
0
HI Marvin ...
Good to run into you over here. Great song and delivery!. One of our very best friends was from Harlan County, KY. Unfortunately, he passed away a few years back.
A really good lyric with a convincing lyric. Loved the key modulation near the end. The chorus is a real nice complement to the verses (the harmony is nice!).
Enjoyed this a lot!
Alan & Diana
October 20, 2019
0
Nice one! I do think you have the potential to tighten up some of the writing, but the bones and most of the guts are on this one!
It struck me that you use “fun” when referring to Nell twice in the first three verses.
I feel like the “coffin full of nails” doesn’t make a whole lot of sense in context.
Finally… driving off a cliff is a fitting ending for this antihero… but taking this woman with him is a bit darker than the rest of the tone. Maybe he can push her out first!
In any case, I really enjoyed this.
October 21, 2019
0
Hi Marvin! I was tapping my toe from the start!
Great feel to it and great prosody.
I really liked it!
Kathy
October 26, 2019
0
Great story and delivery - reminds me of Thunder Road !!! Interesting twist with the Revenuer !!
November 13, 2019
0
This is a great song! The musical production and performances were both solid.
The only thing I might recommend tweaking (or considering to tweak) is to speak the verses and then sing the choruses. You (or the lead singer) has a nice, deep voice and since it’s a story song, it would be great to hear it spoken as a story, in my opinion.
Also, if this story hasn’t already been made into a movie, it certainly has potential to be. Either as a short or a full length movie, with this being the ending I guess. Then you can have the title track to the movie!
May 02, 2020
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Alan David
HI Marvin ...
Good to run into you over here. Great song and delivery!. One of our very best friends was from Harlan County, KY. Unfortunately, he passed away a few years back.
A really good lyric with a convincing lyric. Loved the key modulation near the end. The chorus is a real nice complement to the verses (the harmony is nice!).
Enjoyed this a lot!
Alan & Diana
October 20, 2019
No members have liked this comment.