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Mid Summer Nights Dream

Luke James Shaffer

October 14, 2015

Genre: Pop

More by Luke James


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Views: 737

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About This Song


A few months ago at a wedding I said this line to my wife "I can't hear you, just kiss me." So I wrote a song about the night.

Feedback Requested


This is kind of a new sound for me... I'm trying to figure out if it works.


2 Responses


Mikalyn Hay

Very cool song Luke - I like the feel and tempo and lyric.  well done!!  great imagery.

October 15, 2015

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Paul Tarvydas

I haven’t heard your stuff before, but this really works.  I would say it’s hard-rock-pop.  I love how it sounds.

Feedback:

1. The first thing I heard is distortion on the vocals.  It sounds hot (in a good sense), but not consistent throughout the song.  Did you distort the vocals on purpose?  It works both ways, but it (the vocal production/effects) needs to be more consistent.

2. [People who know me, know that I cut to the chase in my narrow band of knowledge, the following is meant to be concise and helpful, please take it as such].  Lyrically, the worst line in the song is “It’s feeling like a mid summer nights dream”.  “Summer” is sung as “sumMER”, which contradicts what the dictionary has to say about the pronunciation of this word.  If you keep that line, add a small eighth note rest before “summer”, so that it’s sung as SUMmer.

3. After listening to the song (twice), I looked up and saw that the title is “Mid Summer Nights Dream”.  Wow, no way, IMHO!  The title should be “read my lips”.  It’s a really clever phrase and it is what jumps out and lingers.  As I write this, I’m not listening, but I hear “read my lips” over and over again in my head.

4. I don’t listen to a lot of pop, so maybe I’m off…  At first I thought that I heard a verse, a pre-chorus (can you come a little closer) and a chorus (I can’t hear you…).  Twice.  Then, I heard what I felt was a much better chorus (read my lips… make it last all night).  Lyrically, at least.  To my ears, at least, it’s a no-brainer, “read my lips…make it last all night” is the chorus.  (Chorus = the part where everyone in the audience sings along.  “Read my lips…” is so simple that everyone in the room can sing it).

I believe that words are cheap and that a song can be rearranged and stuff can be chopped out of it (even when you love the stuff you’ve chopped (just move the good stuff to a “to-be-revisited” pile)).

If I were working on this song, I would move the chorus (as I define it in (4)), and slap it down into the places where the song’s chorus should be (cut/paste in Word or TextEditor).  Then I would step back, and look at what “happens” around the chorus.  Does the pre-chorus fit in?  Does the pre-chorus need to be modified (maybe stealing stuff from the former chorus)?

Looking forward to hearing more of your stuff.

pt

October 15, 2015

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0

Mikalyn Hay

Very cool song Luke - I like the feel and tempo and lyric.  well done!!  great imagery.

October 15, 2015

0

Paul Tarvydas

I haven’t heard your stuff before, but this really works.  I would say it’s hard-rock-pop.  I love how it sounds.

Feedback:

1. The first thing I heard is distortion on the vocals.  It sounds hot (in a good sense), but not consistent throughout the song.  Did you distort the vocals on purpose?  It works both ways, but it (the vocal production/effects) needs to be more consistent.

2. [People who know me, know that I cut to the chase in my narrow band of knowledge, the following is meant to be concise and helpful, please take it as such].  Lyrically, the worst line in the song is “It’s feeling like a mid summer nights dream”.  “Summer” is sung as “sumMER”, which contradicts what the dictionary has to say about the pronunciation of this word.  If you keep that line, add a small eighth note rest before “summer”, so that it’s sung as SUMmer.

3. After listening to the song (twice), I looked up and saw that the title is “Mid Summer Nights Dream”.  Wow, no way, IMHO!  The title should be “read my lips”.  It’s a really clever phrase and it is what jumps out and lingers.  As I write this, I’m not listening, but I hear “read my lips” over and over again in my head.

4. I don’t listen to a lot of pop, so maybe I’m off…  At first I thought that I heard a verse, a pre-chorus (can you come a little closer) and a chorus (I can’t hear you…).  Twice.  Then, I heard what I felt was a much better chorus (read my lips… make it last all night).  Lyrically, at least.  To my ears, at least, it’s a no-brainer, “read my lips…make it last all night” is the chorus.  (Chorus = the part where everyone in the audience sings along.  “Read my lips…” is so simple that everyone in the room can sing it).

I believe that words are cheap and that a song can be rearranged and stuff can be chopped out of it (even when you love the stuff you’ve chopped (just move the good stuff to a “to-be-revisited” pile)).

If I were working on this song, I would move the chorus (as I define it in (4)), and slap it down into the places where the song’s chorus should be (cut/paste in Word or TextEditor).  Then I would step back, and look at what “happens” around the chorus.  Does the pre-chorus fit in?  Does the pre-chorus need to be modified (maybe stealing stuff from the former chorus)?

Looking forward to hearing more of your stuff.

pt

October 15, 2015


Mid Summer Nights Dream

Written by Luke James Shaffer

MID SUMMER NIGHTS DREAM

It's dark outside
and the rain is coming down
It's hot in here
and I like what I have found
Something strange
as we move with the sound
the music takes us
around and around

Can you come a little closer
and let me look straight in your eyes
can you speak a little slower
I could read your lips all night

I can't hear you so just kiss me
it's feeling like a mid summer nights dream
we don't really even need to speak
tonight is ours to be whoever we want to be

We ran off
away from the crowd
I can't believe
how this night is turning out
Something strange
as we move with the sound
the music takes us
around and around

Can you come a little closer
and let me look straight in your eyes
can you speak a little slower
I could read your lips all night

I can't hear you so just kiss me
it's feeling like a mid summer nights dream
we don't really even need to speak
tonight is ours to be whoever we want to be

Read my lips, I won't tell you lies
Give me a kiss, make it last all night x3

Come a little closer
look me straight into the eyes

I can't hear you so just kiss me
it's feeling like a mid summer nights dream
we don't really even need to speak
tonight is ours to be whoever we want to be

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