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I’ll Be Your Rain

Jayne Sachs

October 05, 2015

Genre: Country

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9 Responses


Dick Plunk

Jayne,

Beautiful song - really like it. I like that you used a musical bridge instead of a lyrical one. Another great Jayne Sachs song.

October 07, 2015

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Jayne Sachs

Thank you so much Dick!  Really glad you like it!!  Means a lot to me.

October 07, 2015

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Martin Lorentzson

Really nice song!

October 08, 2015

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Paul Tarvydas

Nice song.

I like the 3-line verses and 5-line chorus - keeps thing rolling forward (like rain).

V3 doesn’t follow the rhyme scheme set up in V1, V2 and V4.

pt

October 15, 2015

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Shaun Thomson

Very cool idea Jayne!!! I didn’t notice the rhyme scheme falling out - I was too caught up in the song, so for me, it did it’s job.

October 16, 2015

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Jayne Sachs

Thank you all! Interesting comment Paul about the rhyme scheme in what you’re calling V3.  To my ear, it’s there in the word “I” before “will be your rain”.  Just different phrasing for sure.  I’m not a stickler on perfect rhymes all the time.  I think the meaning of what you’re needing to say is paramount before finding all those perfect hard rhymes.  I love soft rhymes and rhyming word sounds.  To me, the lyric comes first.  Learning the craft with all the rules is super great… and then you can stray.

October 17, 2015

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Paul Tarvydas

Jayne, I tried to PM you.  If you want to hear my reasoning, send an email to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

October 24, 2015

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Paul Tarvydas

The song is really cool.  I’m just commenting on something that might improve it even more…

The way you’ve written out the lyrics, I see V1, V2, C, V3, V4, INST, C.

The verses are 3-lines long (or are they really 4 lines?).

V1, V2 and V4 are AAA rhyme (almost) scheme.  Baby, serenading, rain.  Raging, baby, rain.  Crazy, baby, rain.

V3 is AAx.  Vine, I.  Rain.

If V3 were a bridge, that might work (although V3 would need to be more different to qualify as a bridge).

What’s happening is that you’ve got *really* nice “sonic bonding” happening in V1, V2 and V4.  My ear hears AAA, even though my brain sees that these aren’t actually rhymes in the technical sense.  baBY and RAIN don’t rhyme in the technical sense, but the sonic bonding - BAby and RAIN - makes them work.  And the “A” sound (spelled EH in Canadian grin falls on the accented syllables in V1, V2 and V4, which makes this work even more.

And, V1 and V2 contain even more sonic bonding.  2am, rain.  Flames, rain. That “A” just keeps weaving in and out, strengthening the fabric of the song.

I’m not crazy about the phrase “dying on the vine” ‘cause it’s cliche, although I see that it fits with the next line.

I would bring out http://www.b-rhymes.com and see what it suggests for “rain”.  See if V3 can be written to uphold the sonic bonding on “A” and see if that does or doesn’t punch the song up to a new level.

pt

ps.  If you don’t mind reading up on lyric theory, see Chapter 8 of Pat Pattison’s “Rhyming” ed. 2, for a much better description of sonic bonding.  It’s a quick read, but there was smoke coming out of my ears when I finished it grin.  His insights and explanation are accessible and utterly stunning.

October 25, 2015

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Jayne Sachs

Thank you Paul for your in depth analysis.  As I mentioned before, I don’t listen to music with a detailed technical ear and I don’t write like that either.  I need to be more free than that.  I’ve written indie forever (for my own project) and jumped genres a couple of years ago to the country market for other artists. I have been very diligent about learning the craft and all the rules that can go along with it.  I truly believe that once a writer is at a point where he or she truly knows the craft, then it can be time to let go and just write.  I hope I’m to that point because that is what is the most fun for me.

October 26, 2015

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0

Dick Plunk

Jayne,

Beautiful song - really like it. I like that you used a musical bridge instead of a lyrical one. Another great Jayne Sachs song.

October 07, 2015

0

Jayne Sachs

Thank you so much Dick!  Really glad you like it!!  Means a lot to me.

October 07, 2015

0

Martin Lorentzson

Really nice song!

October 08, 2015

0

Paul Tarvydas

Nice song.

I like the 3-line verses and 5-line chorus - keeps thing rolling forward (like rain).

V3 doesn’t follow the rhyme scheme set up in V1, V2 and V4.

pt

October 15, 2015

0

Shaun Thomson

Very cool idea Jayne!!! I didn’t notice the rhyme scheme falling out - I was too caught up in the song, so for me, it did it’s job.

October 16, 2015

0

Jayne Sachs

Thank you all! Interesting comment Paul about the rhyme scheme in what you’re calling V3.  To my ear, it’s there in the word “I” before “will be your rain”.  Just different phrasing for sure.  I’m not a stickler on perfect rhymes all the time.  I think the meaning of what you’re needing to say is paramount before finding all those perfect hard rhymes.  I love soft rhymes and rhyming word sounds.  To me, the lyric comes first.  Learning the craft with all the rules is super great… and then you can stray.

October 17, 2015

0

Paul Tarvydas

Jayne, I tried to PM you.  If you want to hear my reasoning, send an email to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

October 24, 2015

0

Paul Tarvydas

The song is really cool.  I’m just commenting on something that might improve it even more…

The way you’ve written out the lyrics, I see V1, V2, C, V3, V4, INST, C.

The verses are 3-lines long (or are they really 4 lines?).

V1, V2 and V4 are AAA rhyme (almost) scheme.  Baby, serenading, rain.  Raging, baby, rain.  Crazy, baby, rain.

V3 is AAx.  Vine, I.  Rain.

If V3 were a bridge, that might work (although V3 would need to be more different to qualify as a bridge).

What’s happening is that you’ve got *really* nice “sonic bonding” happening in V1, V2 and V4.  My ear hears AAA, even though my brain sees that these aren’t actually rhymes in the technical sense.  baBY and RAIN don’t rhyme in the technical sense, but the sonic bonding - BAby and RAIN - makes them work.  And the “A” sound (spelled EH in Canadian grin falls on the accented syllables in V1, V2 and V4, which makes this work even more.

And, V1 and V2 contain even more sonic bonding.  2am, rain.  Flames, rain. That “A” just keeps weaving in and out, strengthening the fabric of the song.

I’m not crazy about the phrase “dying on the vine” ‘cause it’s cliche, although I see that it fits with the next line.

I would bring out http://www.b-rhymes.com and see what it suggests for “rain”.  See if V3 can be written to uphold the sonic bonding on “A” and see if that does or doesn’t punch the song up to a new level.

pt

ps.  If you don’t mind reading up on lyric theory, see Chapter 8 of Pat Pattison’s “Rhyming” ed. 2, for a much better description of sonic bonding.  It’s a quick read, but there was smoke coming out of my ears when I finished it grin.  His insights and explanation are accessible and utterly stunning.

October 25, 2015

0

Jayne Sachs

Thank you Paul for your in depth analysis.  As I mentioned before, I don’t listen to music with a detailed technical ear and I don’t write like that either.  I need to be more free than that.  I’ve written indie forever (for my own project) and jumped genres a couple of years ago to the country market for other artists. I have been very diligent about learning the craft and all the rules that can go along with it.  I truly believe that once a writer is at a point where he or she truly knows the craft, then it can be time to let go and just write.  I hope I’m to that point because that is what is the most fun for me.

October 26, 2015


I’ll Be Your Rain

Written by Jayne Sachs

I'll Be Your Rain
words & music: Jayne Sachs

When its 2am, you can't sleep baby
Need the rhythm on the roof serenading   
I'll be your rain, I'll be your rain

When every thought's a wildfire raging
I'll be fighting all the flames for you baby
I'll be your rain, I'll be your rain

I wanna comfort you, like the sound of raindrops fallin'
Be a flood for you, wash your pain away darling
Whatever you're thirsty for,  I'll be more than ready
A billion drops, fallin' soft and steady
I'll be your rain

When your heart feels like it's dying on the vine
Need the heavens to open up and I will
Be your rain, I'll be your rain

When you lose yourself, a world gone crazy
Come back to bed I'm gonna shower you baby
I'll be your rain, I love being your rain

CH

INST

CH


jaynesachsmusic@aol.com 937-689-2422

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