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Carnival

Mikalyn Hay

October 01, 2015

Genre: Pop

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Views: 914

Responses: 10




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About This Song


This is not the first song that I have written but its the first one I invested a ton of time in to get the production up on. I wrote it on my piano and I tried to preserve that throughout - despite bringing a rock feel to it. The song is about decisions, being a teenager and choices and uncertainty.

Feedback Requested


I would love to hear if both the arrangement and the song grabs you in anyway. Many of my songwriter friends prefer the original simple version of the song.


10 Responses


Dick Plunk

Mikalyn - welcome to Frettie. I like your song a lot. Good lyric, good melody, and I do like your arrangement.

Minor point - in the chorus “up down spinning around” sounded like too many syllables for the line. I think you you could just say “up down spin around” and it would flow better without changing the meaning.

regardless - good first posting to Frettie.

October 07, 2015

Julie Field

Welcome Mikalyn! I really like this song. Looking forward to hearing more.

October 07, 2015

Jeremy Shere

I actually like the “up down spinning around” part—the extra syllables add an interesting dimension, to my ears.

October 09, 2015

Mikalyn Hay

Thanks for the comments Julie, Jeremy and Dick.  Its funny we really poured over each phrase in the song and labored over each syllable.  A couple people weighed in on Dick’s side but with “up down spin me around” and others were up down spin around.  The song started with me sitting at the piano and singing that chorus as “up down spinning around, I dont know which way to turn, high low where should I go, getting lost in a carnival”  I really appreciate the feedback and agree that each word in a song needs to be assessed to see if it truly works!! thanks guys!!

October 09, 2015

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Shaun Thomson

Cool song. Great production! Very cool voice! My 2 cents - I like the groove of “spin” as opposed to “spinning” - I think it would hook better.

October 16, 2015

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Mikalyn Hay

hi Shaun - thanks for checking out the song.  I will try that for the hook and see how it flies - why not right smile

have a great nite!!
Mikalyn

October 18, 2015

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Jamie Sagle

Even though “spin” seems to fit in better, (which “to fit in” is boring and safe and I like to shake up the rules of songwriting because thats how new ideas happen)... I would keep it as “spinning”. It gives the line more interest and its what made me want to keep listening! “Spin” or “spinning”...neither one sounds wrong..its just a personal preference. Great song, Mikalyn!

November 03, 2015

Mikalyn Hay

Really enjoy meeting songwriters from across north america through frettie - 2016 is here now - time to get out and make it happen in the way that I want it to smile
look foward to hearing all your work!

January 01, 2016

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Mary Segato

This is fantastic Mikalyn!  My first instinct was that spin fit better, but as I listen more, I think it sounds great the way it is. Really a matter of your preference.

January 14, 2016

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Mikalyn Hay

Thanks Mary - so nice to meet you on Frettie - appreciate you taking the time to listen to Carnival!  I had a blast with this song - lots more in the works that hope to share soon.

January 14, 2016

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1

Dick Plunk

Mikalyn - welcome to Frettie. I like your song a lot. Good lyric, good melody, and I do like your arrangement.

Minor point - in the chorus “up down spinning around” sounded like too many syllables for the line. I think you you could just say “up down spin around” and it would flow better without changing the meaning.

regardless - good first posting to Frettie.

October 07, 2015

1

Julie Field

Welcome Mikalyn! I really like this song. Looking forward to hearing more.

October 07, 2015

1

Jeremy Shere

I actually like the “up down spinning around” part—the extra syllables add an interesting dimension, to my ears.

October 09, 2015

0

Mikalyn Hay

Thanks for the comments Julie, Jeremy and Dick.  Its funny we really poured over each phrase in the song and labored over each syllable.  A couple people weighed in on Dick’s side but with “up down spin me around” and others were up down spin around.  The song started with me sitting at the piano and singing that chorus as “up down spinning around, I dont know which way to turn, high low where should I go, getting lost in a carnival”  I really appreciate the feedback and agree that each word in a song needs to be assessed to see if it truly works!! thanks guys!!

October 09, 2015

0

Shaun Thomson

Cool song. Great production! Very cool voice! My 2 cents - I like the groove of “spin” as opposed to “spinning” - I think it would hook better.

October 16, 2015

0

Mikalyn Hay

hi Shaun - thanks for checking out the song.  I will try that for the hook and see how it flies - why not right smile

have a great nite!!
Mikalyn

October 18, 2015

1

Jamie Sagle

Even though “spin” seems to fit in better, (which “to fit in” is boring and safe and I like to shake up the rules of songwriting because thats how new ideas happen)... I would keep it as “spinning”. It gives the line more interest and its what made me want to keep listening! “Spin” or “spinning”...neither one sounds wrong..its just a personal preference. Great song, Mikalyn!

November 03, 2015

0

Mikalyn Hay

Really enjoy meeting songwriters from across north america through frettie - 2016 is here now - time to get out and make it happen in the way that I want it to smile
look foward to hearing all your work!

January 01, 2016

0

Mary Segato

This is fantastic Mikalyn!  My first instinct was that spin fit better, but as I listen more, I think it sounds great the way it is. Really a matter of your preference.

January 14, 2016

0

Mikalyn Hay

Thanks Mary - so nice to meet you on Frettie - appreciate you taking the time to listen to Carnival!  I had a blast with this song - lots more in the works that hope to share soon.

January 14, 2016



Verse 1:
Stand in line to get your best seat
Don't leave me stranded on the street
You're with me, then you're gone
Stay here with me or were done

Chorus
Up down, spinning around
I dont know which way to turn
High low where did you go
Lost in a carnival X 2

Verse 2
Stuck in a maze, in a house of mirrors.
Is it an illusion, are you really here?
Mixed messages, from every place.
I don't know what to do, not sure what to say.

Chorus
Up down, spinning around
I dont know which way to turn
High low where did you go
Lost in a carnival X 2

Bridge -
this masquerade brings a beautiful fear a game of chance
I was perfectly delusional
cinderella's midnite dance

Chorus
Up down, spinning around
I don't know which way to turn
High low where did you go
Lost in a carnival X 2

A Carnival A Carnival
A Carnival A Carnival
A Carnival A Carnival
A Carnival A Carnival

Ending
Odds as low, so take a chance
when you toss a ring, can't always see where it lands

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