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Tail Lights

Jamie Davis

March 23, 2014

Genre: Country

More by Jamie


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Views: 1731

Responses: 4




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About This Song


Desperately in love, a man bares his soul to the woman he loves and come clean on a mistake he made soon after the relationship began. Angrily, she leaves him by the side of the road and drives off leaving him literally looking at her tail lights.

Feedback Requested


I'm always interested to hear feedback on structure and lyrics. I know I have a slightly unorthodox approach to structure. I'm interested to hear what others think.


4 Responses


Benny Pitsinger

I don’t see anything at all wrong with your structure! You have a very good falseto at the beginning and I was hoping to hear more of it. I love the addition of the strings.

I did think the line “The only that I can hear is the sound of that slamming door” was a little wordy. Maybe “The only that I can hear is the slamming of that door” would sing smoother.

Good song!

March 25, 2014

No members have liked this comment.

Dick Plunk

Jamie,

I like a lot about this song, but do find the structure troubling. I think, in country music, listeners like to have that chorus come around, at least a couple of times (something familiar to anticipate). My suggestion would be this:
I would make your chorus be the “As I lose you in the sunset” part. I would get rid of the “I know I hurt you baby” part. And I would structure it like this:
Verse 1
Chorus “As I lose you….”
Verse 2
Chorus
Bridge “Oooo, there’s a full moon rising….”
Chorus
Tag   “Please turn around

In this way, you hit the chorus 3 times. In my opinion, that is a strong part of the song.

Good stuff!

March 26, 2014

No members have liked this comment.

Rick Barr

I love the strings, it’s a nice touch.  I like the unorthodox approach, I do the same which the majority of my songs.  It’s often more fulfilling to write what sounds good to yourself rather than pushing too hard to make something “commercial”. 

That said, I might agree with Benny with regard to it being a bit wordy.  I actually think that what you’re doing with the strings would call for fewer words, allowing you to stretch them out, make it a smoother ride for the listener.

March 30, 2014

No members have liked this comment.

Brian Smith

Jamie,

Unfortunately I can’t play the song on my computer, but I think the lyrics are well done and do a good job of getting the meaning of the song across.  I would agree with Dick’s suggestions if you are aiming at making the song more comerical.

Keep up the good work.

May 10, 2014

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I’m standing here by the side of this road
Watching your tail lights go
I can see your eyes in your review mirror
They ain’t lookin’ at me no more

That road behind is long and winding
Plenty of pain, plenty of smiles
I never once believed that I’d be finding
Myself alone after all of these miles

I know I hurt you baby
I know I broke your heart
I can hear you crying in my sleep
'CauseI loved you from the start
These failures are all mine to own
You don’t deserve the pain
If I could take it all away today
If we could only start again

Oooooo, there's a full moon risin'
Yea, as you approach the horizon
I can only hope it'll help you see
Babe, we were meant to be

As I lose you in the sunset, and I can’t see you no more
The only that I can hear is the sound of that slamming door
I know I got to move my feet, ‘cause I know that you ain’t there
I just keep on repeating the same old empty prayer

Please turn around
Please turn around
Please turn around
Please

0

Benny Pitsinger

I don’t see anything at all wrong with your structure! You have a very good falseto at the beginning and I was hoping to hear more of it. I love the addition of the strings.

I did think the line “The only that I can hear is the sound of that slamming door” was a little wordy. Maybe “The only that I can hear is the slamming of that door” would sing smoother.

Good song!

March 25, 2014

0

Dick Plunk

Jamie,

I like a lot about this song, but do find the structure troubling. I think, in country music, listeners like to have that chorus come around, at least a couple of times (something familiar to anticipate). My suggestion would be this:
I would make your chorus be the “As I lose you in the sunset” part. I would get rid of the “I know I hurt you baby” part. And I would structure it like this:
Verse 1
Chorus “As I lose you….”
Verse 2
Chorus
Bridge “Oooo, there’s a full moon rising….”
Chorus
Tag   “Please turn around

In this way, you hit the chorus 3 times. In my opinion, that is a strong part of the song.

Good stuff!

March 26, 2014

0

Rick Barr

I love the strings, it’s a nice touch.  I like the unorthodox approach, I do the same which the majority of my songs.  It’s often more fulfilling to write what sounds good to yourself rather than pushing too hard to make something “commercial”. 

That said, I might agree with Benny with regard to it being a bit wordy.  I actually think that what you’re doing with the strings would call for fewer words, allowing you to stretch them out, make it a smoother ride for the listener.

March 30, 2014

0

Brian Smith

Jamie,

Unfortunately I can’t play the song on my computer, but I think the lyrics are well done and do a good job of getting the meaning of the song across.  I would agree with Dick’s suggestions if you are aiming at making the song more comerical.

Keep up the good work.

May 10, 2014


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