Here's a song I started working on this morning. The idea is to capture that moment of when you realize how much time you spend chasing dreams and working, and how little effort is spent on living life and taking advantage of the little moments.
This is the start of a first verse and maybe a lead into a chorus. I'm interested in getting help from the Frettie community on finishing this up. If you want to help refine and add lyrics, leave your thoughts below. I welcome the collaboration.
I understand the premise that we all need to stop and relax now and then. We all need to recharge our batteries every so often. But it seems to me that if one is chasing his dreams, he is living (unless the dream is a false dream).
I think what you want your song to say is that you need to balance your life a little better. Or, at least, I think that might be more interesting. Maybe your hook should be “recharging my batteries” instead of “start living”. That might give you all kinds of lyrical devises to use (cells, acid, positive & negative poles, going dead, etc.)
This is just my take on what you have so far. My Dayton mentor always reminds us that we have the right to ignore input if we disagree with it. So if you decide to ignore me and go ahead and write a great song called “start living”, I’ll be delighted.
November 10, 2013
Dick,
Thanks for the great feedback. Very great point. You are correct and you said it better. The idea would be to illustrate that you can always be running and chasing, but sometimes we need to take time to relax. That perspective changes where I can take the song. I also like your thoughts on recharging.
This may allow me to go outside of my box a bit and take the song into a more “Fun” higher tempo fell? What do you think?
November 11, 2013
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I like that idea. There are a lot of people in Nashville who think there are too many ballads and that the public wants to hear more uptempo songs. I don’t know if that’s really true, but it was an interesting point of view.
November 16, 2013
This is the kinda vibe I can hear in a documentary. Like in the middle of a highway drive or road trip. Man escaping from city life to get out to some spontaneous adventure he’s always wanted to do. “Momma says that I work too much…” I can totaly hear it!
November 19, 2013
Thanks for the feedback Joey. Yes. I think I’m going to go back to the drawing board on this. A revolution on a road trip is an interesting perspective as well.
November 20, 2013
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Hi Dennis
I like the song – and the John-Prine-ish delivery – nice!
I like the idea of stopping to learn to appreciate the life one already has instead of constantly running after an idealized phantom….
Just an idea – but what about kind of going back and forth from past to present in the lyrics, something like this:
My momma used to say I worked to hard – “go out and play!”
Now my wife still says the same thing to me – only in a different way
This city’s always had me running – chasing after dreams
But maybe one day I’ll finally stop running – and start living…”
(or something like that?)
Cheers! - Don
November 20, 2013
Don,
Thank you for the feedback! The way you re-positioned the lyrics is a nice perspective. I like the the struggle is gives. I appreciate it!
Glad you like the delivery.
November 21, 2013
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Good start Dennis. You could chase the idea that when you get older all that really matters is memories and that you have to make them when you are young or it’s too late. Also, like I once heard, there are no luggage racks on hearses. From everything I have read all producers are looking for is up-tempo.
January 22, 2014
Benny,
Thanks for providing a different perspective to the song. Interesting take for sure. I like that! I defiantly need to push my self to deliver some more up-tempo songs. Thanks for the feedback!
January 22, 2014
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Dennis, I really like this idea. One thought, you’ve already established that “you” (the singer) spend too much time chasing dreams, so why not leave that out of the first line of the chorus and jump straight into the meat of the idea, which would be, “Today, I start living,” or something like that. That would give some nice contrast between the verses and the chorus, imho. Again, just a stray thought from RJ to agree with, or disagree with, no harm done either way. 
August 08, 2014
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Toby Keith has a song called “My List” that he put out in 2001. As soon as I saw the title of your song I thought of the Toby Keith song and a read through of the lyrics reinforced the connection. Granted that song is 14 years old and maybe it’s time for a new version but I would be careful not to make your song too similar. I like the idea submitted by Dick Plunk about recharging batteries and slowing down. I also agree with his comment that “chasing dreams is living” and perhaps you could take it in the direction of chasing “everyone else’ dreams or doing what is expected of you by an always on the move, climbing the corporate ladder type society instead of chasing the things that really matter to you.
Love the sentiment, just think it needs to be a little more focused and taken in a direction that hasn’t been done before.
November 17, 2015
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Chords: D , G, D, G , A
First Verse:
My mom says that I work to much go out an play
My wife says the same things in just a different way
But this city I'm in has me running and chasing my dreams
But maybe I need to quit chasing and start living.
Possible second verse:
Maybe I will catch a movie with just me and her.
Head out for a drink or two with friends that I miss.
But work has me tied up so late I'm not sure what I should do
Maybe I need to quite thinking and start living.
Possible Chorus:
Maybe I need to quit chasing my dreams and start living for today....
0
I added a bit more to this song tonight. I expanded on the second verse and started playing with a chorus. I welcome your thoughts.
November 06, 2013
1
I understand the premise that we all need to stop and relax now and then. We all need to recharge our batteries every so often. But it seems to me that if one is chasing his dreams, he is living (unless the dream is a false dream).
I think what you want your song to say is that you need to balance your life a little better. Or, at least, I think that might be more interesting. Maybe your hook should be “recharging my batteries” instead of “start living”. That might give you all kinds of lyrical devises to use (cells, acid, positive & negative poles, going dead, etc.)
This is just my take on what you have so far. My Dayton mentor always reminds us that we have the right to ignore input if we disagree with it. So if you decide to ignore me and go ahead and write a great song called “start living”, I’ll be delighted.
November 10, 2013
0
Dick,
Thanks for the great feedback. Very great point. You are correct and you said it better. The idea would be to illustrate that you can always be running and chasing, but sometimes we need to take time to relax. That perspective changes where I can take the song. I also like your thoughts on recharging.
This may allow me to go outside of my box a bit and take the song into a more “Fun” higher tempo fell? What do you think?
November 11, 2013
1
I like that idea. There are a lot of people in Nashville who think there are too many ballads and that the public wants to hear more uptempo songs. I don’t know if that’s really true, but it was an interesting point of view.
November 16, 2013
1
This is the kinda vibe I can hear in a documentary. Like in the middle of a highway drive or road trip. Man escaping from city life to get out to some spontaneous adventure he’s always wanted to do. “Momma says that I work too much…” I can totaly hear it!
November 19, 2013
0
Thanks for the feedback Joey. Yes. I think I’m going to go back to the drawing board on this. A revolution on a road trip is an interesting perspective as well.
November 20, 2013
1
Hi Dennis
I like the song – and the John-Prine-ish delivery – nice!
I like the idea of stopping to learn to appreciate the life one already has instead of constantly running after an idealized phantom….
Just an idea – but what about kind of going back and forth from past to present in the lyrics, something like this:
My momma used to say I worked to hard – “go out and play!”
Now my wife still says the same thing to me – only in a different way
This city’s always had me running – chasing after dreams
But maybe one day I’ll finally stop running – and start living…”
(or something like that?)
Cheers! - Don
November 20, 2013
0
Don,
Thank you for the feedback! The way you re-positioned the lyrics is a nice perspective. I like the the struggle is gives. I appreciate it!
Glad you like the delivery.
November 21, 2013
1
Good start Dennis. You could chase the idea that when you get older all that really matters is memories and that you have to make them when you are young or it’s too late. Also, like I once heard, there are no luggage racks on hearses. From everything I have read all producers are looking for is up-tempo.
January 22, 2014
0
Benny,
Thanks for providing a different perspective to the song. Interesting take for sure. I like that! I defiantly need to push my self to deliver some more up-tempo songs. Thanks for the feedback!
January 22, 2014
0
Dennis, I really like this idea. One thought, you’ve already established that “you” (the singer) spend too much time chasing dreams, so why not leave that out of the first line of the chorus and jump straight into the meat of the idea, which would be, “Today, I start living,” or something like that. That would give some nice contrast between the verses and the chorus, imho. Again, just a stray thought from RJ to agree with, or disagree with, no harm done either way.
August 08, 2014
0
Toby Keith has a song called “My List” that he put out in 2001. As soon as I saw the title of your song I thought of the Toby Keith song and a read through of the lyrics reinforced the connection. Granted that song is 14 years old and maybe it’s time for a new version but I would be careful not to make your song too similar. I like the idea submitted by Dick Plunk about recharging batteries and slowing down. I also agree with his comment that “chasing dreams is living” and perhaps you could take it in the direction of chasing “everyone else’ dreams or doing what is expected of you by an always on the move, climbing the corporate ladder type society instead of chasing the things that really matter to you.
Love the sentiment, just think it needs to be a little more focused and taken in a direction that hasn’t been done before.
November 17, 2015
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Dennis Field
I added a bit more to this song tonight. I expanded on the second verse and started playing with a chorus. I welcome your thoughts.
November 06, 2013
No members have liked this comment.