A song about the birth of Christ. My first Christmas song 
I really value honest critiques so please give it to me straight and help me grow as a writer.
Thank you Lee, I really appreciate the critique. I will have to see what I can do to strengthen the melody and rhythm.
Amen to the “here to learn” part. This is a great community to do it in. I need to pop over to your profile and return the favor. Have a great day!
January 28, 2019
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Vs1
There was a king with no equal
A kingdom made up of the galaxies
His love displayed in tiny fingers
Emptied of his strength and majesty
Prechorus
He chose a manger for a throne
So the unknown could be made known
Chorus
There in a kingdom made of straw
Constellations bowed in worship
While the world slept unaware
That he was the savior of us all
He left heaven for the earth
With a birth into a kingdom of straw
Vs2
He grew into a man who spoke for heaven
Yet kneeled to wash the feet of sinful men
He walked the road for our redemption
That Started on that night in bethlehem
Bridge
What kind of God would come
Down to be one of us
To bear the sin of every heart
With faith enough to trust
That he is the son of God
That he was the spotless lamb
That he is the alpha and omega
The great I am
...who chose a manger...
1
Hi James,
I like the way you frame your chorus by using the title on the first and last lines.
The song, however, feels like it needs more contrast in melodic rhythmn and melodic pitch between each song section.
Lifting the chorus so that it stands out from the other sections, is something that I am struggling with.
But we’re all here to learn.
Don’t know about you, but I’m going to check out Baxter’s interview with his co-writers of “Pray While You Wait” because they are pros at melody and rhythmn. I also am re-analyzing the song and taking notes how they use contrast between the song sections to keep listeners engaged.
All the best to you.
January 27, 2019
0
Thank you Lee, I really appreciate the critique. I will have to see what I can do to strengthen the melody and rhythm.
Amen to the “here to learn” part. This is a great community to do it in. I need to pop over to your profile and return the favor. Have a great day!
January 28, 2019
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Lee Myers
Hi James,
I like the way you frame your chorus by using the title on the first and last lines.
The song, however, feels like it needs more contrast in melodic rhythmn and melodic pitch between each song section.
Lifting the chorus so that it stands out from the other sections, is something that I am struggling with.
But we’re all here to learn.
Don’t know about you, but I’m going to check out Baxter’s interview with his co-writers of “Pray While You Wait” because they are pros at melody and rhythmn. I also am re-analyzing the song and taking notes how they use contrast between the song sections to keep listeners engaged.
All the best to you.
January 27, 2019