That old theme of "the one that got away" is a common them in many songs and this is my interpretation of that theme.
This song is part of an album of demo songs I am putting together for submission to various artists/projects.
What do you think about the tempo? Too slow and/or the song too long?
What artist do think would cover this?
Hi Courtney,
I like the sound of your music, melody, and vibe of the song, but your lyrics and message confuse me as a listener. I mean I get literally, but after my listen, I’m not sure if “I didn’t catch her name,” is a metaphor, or if your character really didn’t catch her name….which make me think of your character as a bozo, self-centered, or just an idiot…based on your other line.
This is not meant to be harsh criticism, but IMHO, your story is confusing.
But great job on the music and producing the track, and keep writing!
November 29, 2018
Hi Courtney,
I really like this song. The harmonies are good and you do interesting things getting towards the hook.
I have a couple of comments about the form though.
I heard the lyrics before I read them. At first I thought that this was a pre-chorus “Then she was gone like the sun in a summer rain. There’s just one regret that I have:” leading up to a chorus: “I didn’t catch her name”. And I felt I wanted more chorus. Something emotional. Maybe that is too obvious or “radio friendly” at the moment. But definitely contemporary.
Then I felt that the rhymes were almost all perfect pair rhymes. Breaking the pattern with cross rhymes and more near-rhymes gives you freedom to explore a wider palette of expression.
Not sure if the last verse/chorus is necessary. Seems like you have said what you want to say musically and lyric wise when you come to the guitar bridge. But that is probably also expectations of a radio listener. We are so used to VCVCBC these days. The hook sticks in my head though.
December 08, 2018
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Melody is interesting at points. Loving the harmonies and guitar. I’m having a hard time connecting completely because the lyrics just don’t seem to capture me. Like you said, this concept has been done many times. This melody though… sounds timeless like Pink Floyd in many parts… good stuff… would you be willing to go back to the drawing board on these lyrics? Maybe work with a lyricist if you’re plum out of ideas? Add a climb or bridge for a little extra oomph… this has A LOT of potential in my opinion, but I’m more about melody. Hmmm….
December 12, 2018
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She was just a girl I met one New York afternoon
Something about the way she pulled at me like a full moon
I don't know what it was but it sure seemed
Like she was something more than just a living dream
Then she was gone like the sun in a summer rain
There's just one regret that I have, I didn't catch her name
Like a rising sun she made my life a brand new day
Then all too soon it seemed like she was gone on her way
But in my heart still beats a drum
Got to find out where that girl was from
Cause she was long on passion but short on fame
And to this day I don't know why I didn't catch her name
Maybe she was meant to be like a song in the wind
Something that cannot be held from without or within
This is a story I know too well
Never figured out quite how to break her kind of spell
Now I walk the streets and I love in vain
I can't believe I let her go and I didn't catch her name
©2018
1
Hi, Courtney! Thanks for sharing your song with us. I like the title and the basic thought. However, I don’t know if you’ve “earned” the line “she made my life brand new that day.” How long did you really spend together? What happened? Paint the picture for the listeners more, so WE get emotionally invested, too. Help us fall for this girl some ourselves so we can relate more to the singer. And maybe it’s not that she changed your life, but you’re left wondering what could’ve been. Just a thought.
Hope that helps. Please pay it forward by leaving a comment on another writer’s song. Doesn’t have to be in-depth or authoritative- just your thoughts. The best way to GET feedback is to GIVE feedback, after all! Thanks!
November 28, 2018
1
Hi Courtney,
I like the sound of your music, melody, and vibe of the song, but your lyrics and message confuse me as a listener. I mean I get literally, but after my listen, I’m not sure if “I didn’t catch her name,” is a metaphor, or if your character really didn’t catch her name….which make me think of your character as a bozo, self-centered, or just an idiot…based on your other line.
This is not meant to be harsh criticism, but IMHO, your story is confusing.
But great job on the music and producing the track, and keep writing!
November 29, 2018
0
Hi Courtney,
I really like this song. The harmonies are good and you do interesting things getting towards the hook.
I have a couple of comments about the form though.
I heard the lyrics before I read them. At first I thought that this was a pre-chorus “Then she was gone like the sun in a summer rain. There’s just one regret that I have:” leading up to a chorus: “I didn’t catch her name”. And I felt I wanted more chorus. Something emotional. Maybe that is too obvious or “radio friendly” at the moment. But definitely contemporary.
Then I felt that the rhymes were almost all perfect pair rhymes. Breaking the pattern with cross rhymes and more near-rhymes gives you freedom to explore a wider palette of expression.
Not sure if the last verse/chorus is necessary. Seems like you have said what you want to say musically and lyric wise when you come to the guitar bridge. But that is probably also expectations of a radio listener. We are so used to VCVCBC these days. The hook sticks in my head though.
December 08, 2018
0
Melody is interesting at points. Loving the harmonies and guitar. I’m having a hard time connecting completely because the lyrics just don’t seem to capture me. Like you said, this concept has been done many times. This melody though… sounds timeless like Pink Floyd in many parts… good stuff… would you be willing to go back to the drawing board on these lyrics? Maybe work with a lyricist if you’re plum out of ideas? Add a climb or bridge for a little extra oomph… this has A LOT of potential in my opinion, but I’m more about melody. Hmmm….
December 12, 2018
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Hi, Courtney! Thanks for sharing your song with us. I like the title and the basic thought. However, I don’t know if you’ve “earned” the line “she made my life brand new that day.” How long did you really spend together? What happened? Paint the picture for the listeners more, so WE get emotionally invested, too. Help us fall for this girl some ourselves so we can relate more to the singer. And maybe it’s not that she changed your life, but you’re left wondering what could’ve been. Just a thought.
Hope that helps. Please pay it forward by leaving a comment on another writer’s song. Doesn’t have to be in-depth or authoritative- just your thoughts. The best way to GET feedback is to GIVE feedback, after all! Thanks!
November 28, 2018