Started on a train in Chicago (always have pen and paper handy!) this is a work tape of a song about insomnia and anxiety.
Any and all comments welcome, as ever!
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The sirens of the city serenade the night-time streets
No seductive song but some shrill scream that wakes you from your sleep
And as you're staring at the ceiling listening to those sounds recede
The shadows on your soul outweigh any darkness you can see
Tiger clawing in your chest
Can't find no peace can't get no rest
While others sleep like they've been blessed
You're awake, alone, and a mess
As you pace round your apartment poor heart popping like a pistol
Panic presses down on you, pounding like a piston
As you're praying you can pull through 'til the pale pink light of dawn
You're pleading for some pardon for the paths where you picked wrong
Tiger clawing in your chest
Can't find no peace can't get no rest
While others sleep like they've been blessed
You're awake, alone, and a mess
[Guitar Solo]
Don't drown in your despair those devils dancing in the dark night
Seem determined to endure but they'll dissolve under the daylight
Dragged down by your doubts, dogged by an all pervading dread
If you dig in deep you can still defeat those demons in your head
Tiger clawing in your chest
Can't find no peace can't get no rest
While others sleep like they've been blessed
You're awake, alone, and a mess
Your mind tells you lies that you can't disbelieve
But you know you'll survive and be able to breathe
Clearly
Once you're free
You know that this will always pass
You just wish that could be twice as fast
Until then I can only guess
You'll be awake alone and a mess
Tiger clawing in your chest
Can't find no peace can't get no rest
While others sleep like they've been blessed
You're awake, alone, and a mess
0
Hi Tommy, I like the vibe and feel, the guitars, and you have written some really nice lyrics! The guitar solo is killer!
I know it’s a work tape, so here is a suggestion: try to find a way to make the chorus stand out more, and make it more dramatic and powerful somehow.
Maybe a higher melody, powerful guitar chords, changes in dynamics, etc. You know the deal, I’m sure.
I like the song and nice that you had a pen and paper handy!
December 01, 2018
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Reid Yamamoto
Hi Tommy, I like the vibe and feel, the guitars, and you have written some really nice lyrics! The guitar solo is killer!
I know it’s a work tape, so here is a suggestion: try to find a way to make the chorus stand out more, and make it more dramatic and powerful somehow.
Maybe a higher melody, powerful guitar chords, changes in dynamics, etc. You know the deal, I’m sure.
I like the song and nice that you had a pen and paper handy!
December 01, 2018
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