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Mining For Diamonds

Reid Yamamoto

November 12, 2018

Genre: Rock

More by Reid


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Views: 1082

Responses: 6




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About This Song


About a guy who is tired of going after women based on their looks only, without considering what other attributes they have, then deciding to go mining for his Diamond.

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6 Responses


Lee Myers

Hi Reid:

Love the positivity in your songs. This song has a solid foundation by expressing universal themes—looking for the right love and—the joy of finding love.

The challenge is choosing the best point of view to express those themes.

Here, the point of view shifts.  It starts off with the singer addressing a general audience.  Then, beginning with the first chorus, it shifts to the singer directly addressing his new-found loved one.

I think that your song needs a consistent point of view.

If you go with singer directly addressing his new love, then everything before the first chorus can be revised/deleted.  Surely, singer’s new love would not want to hear that “the women I choose are a flash and a flicker” etc.

Alternatively, you could choose to have singer address the audience and tell them about how you the singer used to be and how you’ve now found your diamond of a woman.

You could even choose to have third person viewpoint where an observer sings about this person (who had a “bad picker,” etc) and how the person found his new love.

Either view you choose, the song needs revising.  But that’s to be expected as you shape your diamond of a song.

November 27, 2018

No members have liked this comment.

Reid Yamamoto

Hi Lee,

Wow, you are so right, and I didn’t even think about that!

This is a song I started in a consulting session with Brent B., and he listened to an earlier version than this one, and he suggested that the second verses should focus on my Diamond, because I have already established the problem with my first verses.

But I totally agree with you, and there is a big time songwriting expert I met at the ASCAP “I Create Music” event in May, and he covered perspective and point of view nearly to the point of ad nauseum, but it was valuable, and obviously I have not mastered it yet.

Thank you again, and back to rewrite mode.

November 28, 2018

No members have liked this comment.

Haydee Ahrens

Lyrics have a lot going for them. Great concept and cadence. I think melody needs something more. Lyrics start out by expressing dissatisfaction, then it transitions to fulfillment and contentment. I wonder how the melody could better reflect that. This is an extremely relevant theme, society is transfixed on appearance and these things don’t last.

December 12, 2018

No members have liked this comment.

Reid Yamamoto

Hi Haydee,

Thank you for the listen and for your detailed feedback. This song is back on the “rewrite block,” after Lee Myers was kind enough to go into great detail on how I switch perspectives, and how to fix it.

During the rewrite, I will come up with some new melody ideas and see if I can create one that’s singable and effective, as you said.

Thank you again for your time and feedback.

December 12, 2018

Dori Weaver

Hi Reid,
I love how positive the lyrics are as well as the idea here and the metaphors that you use.  It appears that you have some great suggestions from others who have given their feedback. I’m sure you’ll be tweaking and fine tuning this one.  I look forward to hearing the updated version as well.  It is so good to see you working hard and really honing your craft Reid!

December 15, 2018

No members have liked this comment.

Reid Yamamoto

Hi Dori,
Thank you for your feedback, and yes, I’ve had great feedback and the song is back on the “rewrite block.” It’s that perspective thing that I tend to overlook, which Lee Myers so accurately pointed out.

Thank you for your time and feedback Dori, and I love your new song!

December 15, 2018

No members have liked this comment.


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Mining For Diamonds

Written by Reid Yamamoto

My eyes are my problem,
why I have a bad picker.
The women I choose,
They’re a flash and a flicker.

Without a woman
With depth and soul
I get bored so fast,
It's taken a toll.

Pre Chorus
If they last 6 months,
It'd be the eighth world wonder.
I've spent so many years,
makin’ the same old blunder.

When will I learn,
I don't have time to burn?
Surface girls bore me,
before my head turns.

Chorus
I've been mining for diamonds,
done skipping stones.
So easy to see,
you have soul in your bones.
Your brilliance shines.
You glow and gleam.
You warm me so fine,
like the morning sun beam.

Verses 3 & 4

When you’re on my shoulder,
My world is right.
Feel like I’m floating,
Like a mile high kite.

You always have my back,
When I act like a donkey.
You reel me in,
Before I get wonky.

Pre Chorus

We will last forever,
Be the eighth world wonder.
You’ll be lightning,
I’ll be your thunder.

Chorus

Bridge:

I’m older and wiser,
Maybe not as bold.
Tired of tryin’ to turn
Silver to gold.

So let’s take our time
And build a glorious life.
With you on my arm,
As my beautiful wife.

8 Bar Guitar Solo

Repeat Chorus 3x and outro

0

Lee Myers

Hi Reid:

Love the positivity in your songs. This song has a solid foundation by expressing universal themes—looking for the right love and—the joy of finding love.

The challenge is choosing the best point of view to express those themes.

Here, the point of view shifts.  It starts off with the singer addressing a general audience.  Then, beginning with the first chorus, it shifts to the singer directly addressing his new-found loved one.

I think that your song needs a consistent point of view.

If you go with singer directly addressing his new love, then everything before the first chorus can be revised/deleted.  Surely, singer’s new love would not want to hear that “the women I choose are a flash and a flicker” etc.

Alternatively, you could choose to have singer address the audience and tell them about how you the singer used to be and how you’ve now found your diamond of a woman.

You could even choose to have third person viewpoint where an observer sings about this person (who had a “bad picker,” etc) and how the person found his new love.

Either view you choose, the song needs revising.  But that’s to be expected as you shape your diamond of a song.

November 27, 2018

0

Reid Yamamoto

Hi Lee,

Wow, you are so right, and I didn’t even think about that!

This is a song I started in a consulting session with Brent B., and he listened to an earlier version than this one, and he suggested that the second verses should focus on my Diamond, because I have already established the problem with my first verses.

But I totally agree with you, and there is a big time songwriting expert I met at the ASCAP “I Create Music” event in May, and he covered perspective and point of view nearly to the point of ad nauseum, but it was valuable, and obviously I have not mastered it yet.

Thank you again, and back to rewrite mode.

November 28, 2018

0

Haydee Ahrens

Lyrics have a lot going for them. Great concept and cadence. I think melody needs something more. Lyrics start out by expressing dissatisfaction, then it transitions to fulfillment and contentment. I wonder how the melody could better reflect that. This is an extremely relevant theme, society is transfixed on appearance and these things don’t last.

December 12, 2018

1

Reid Yamamoto

Hi Haydee,

Thank you for the listen and for your detailed feedback. This song is back on the “rewrite block,” after Lee Myers was kind enough to go into great detail on how I switch perspectives, and how to fix it.

During the rewrite, I will come up with some new melody ideas and see if I can create one that’s singable and effective, as you said.

Thank you again for your time and feedback.

December 12, 2018

0

Dori Weaver

Hi Reid,
I love how positive the lyrics are as well as the idea here and the metaphors that you use.  It appears that you have some great suggestions from others who have given their feedback. I’m sure you’ll be tweaking and fine tuning this one.  I look forward to hearing the updated version as well.  It is so good to see you working hard and really honing your craft Reid!

December 15, 2018

0

Reid Yamamoto

Hi Dori,
Thank you for your feedback, and yes, I’ve had great feedback and the song is back on the “rewrite block.” It’s that perspective thing that I tend to overlook, which Lee Myers so accurately pointed out.

Thank you for your time and feedback Dori, and I love your new song!

December 15, 2018


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