Brand new song (worktape). Written as a male/female duet with vocalists singing every other line in the verses and bridge, together on the chorus.
Let 'er rip-
Brad,
I love the positivity of this song. I particularly liked the second verse that begins “Mr. Circumstance…” This attention-getting verse is ear-catching and I had to smile after hearing it. You might even consider using it as the opening verse and develop a new second verse.
I did,however, like the last line of the first verse—” You see I’ve run the numbers boy, and it’s lookin’ like it’s me and you” It leads right to title. Maybe you can develop a new second verse ending with that line.
As for the chorus: It’s hooky and it frames and repeats title. I did feel that one line “We might get a little tired from always pushin’ against the odds” could be omitted. It felt a bit out of place with the sentiment of the chorus. To me, it introduced an new idea that could be used to develop either a new second verse or the bridge.
For the Bridge: Although its positive, and it has a bit of rhythmic contrast from the verses and chorus, it felt a bit long and I felt it needed more lyrical contrast from the rest of the song. In addition, you might want to consider staying away from cliche rhymes like: “take it, break it,” “crazy, lazy” ” forever, together”—maybe use imperfect rhymes to freshen this section. If anything, maybe a two-line bridge will work and contrast. Again, with the bridge, I love the sentiment and you might try to use the last two lines alone as the bridge, but again staying away from the perfect rhymes.
I loved this song. It got a good emotional reaction from me.
November 07, 2018
No members have liked this comment.
Really nice song! I hear through the rough production of it being a worktape…..you are a really great writer!
November 12, 2018
No members have liked this comment.
Fun and beautiful duet. Lovely harmonies. I don’t agree that the bridge is to long.
November 15, 2018
No members have liked this comment.
I really enjoyed the song. Great flow of melody and lyrics. I can imagine an awesome final recording listening to the work tape. Bravo.
August 06, 2020
No members have liked this comment.
You must be signed in to post feedback.
US
Written by Brad Yunek (BMI-copyright Brad Yunek/2018)
206 Brittany Loop
Sandpoint, ID 83864
(208) 263-1893
bradyunek@sandpoint.net
www.bradyunek.com
Member of Global Songwriters Connection
Verse 1
We never know for sure just where we’re goin’
And even at the times it looks like we might not make it through
You take my hand and tell me, “We’ll just show ‘em
You see I’ve run the numbers boy, and it’s lookin’like it’s me and you”
Chorus
That’d be us, lovin’ and dreamin’, and grabbin’ life by the tail
That would be us, crazy white-knucklers holdin’ on by our nails
We might get a little tired from always pushin’ against the odds
Don’t always make the smoothest landin’, but I’ll bet you who’s left standin’
That’d be us, that’d be us
Verse 2
Mr. Circumstance might hit us with his best shot
With you and me together though, he ain’t got a single chance in hell
We wipe our lip and ask him, “That the best you got?”
Then we knock him into next week, and as he’s fallin’ back we turn and yell
Chorus
Bridge
When we hit the fork we take it, made a vow and we won’t break it
Some might say we’re kinda crazy, maybe some are kinda lazy
I can think of nothin’ neater, not a single thing that’s sweeter
Than us shootin’ at forever, and us shootin’ it together…
Chorus
Tag
Oh that would be us, yeah that’d be us
0
Brad,
I love the positivity of this song. I particularly liked the second verse that begins “Mr. Circumstance…” This attention-getting verse is ear-catching and I had to smile after hearing it. You might even consider using it as the opening verse and develop a new second verse.
I did,however, like the last line of the first verse—” You see I’ve run the numbers boy, and it’s lookin’ like it’s me and you” It leads right to title. Maybe you can develop a new second verse ending with that line.
As for the chorus: It’s hooky and it frames and repeats title. I did feel that one line “We might get a little tired from always pushin’ against the odds” could be omitted. It felt a bit out of place with the sentiment of the chorus. To me, it introduced an new idea that could be used to develop either a new second verse or the bridge.
For the Bridge: Although its positive, and it has a bit of rhythmic contrast from the verses and chorus, it felt a bit long and I felt it needed more lyrical contrast from the rest of the song. In addition, you might want to consider staying away from cliche rhymes like: “take it, break it,” “crazy, lazy” ” forever, together”—maybe use imperfect rhymes to freshen this section. If anything, maybe a two-line bridge will work and contrast. Again, with the bridge, I love the sentiment and you might try to use the last two lines alone as the bridge, but again staying away from the perfect rhymes.
I loved this song. It got a good emotional reaction from me.
November 07, 2018
0
Really nice song! I hear through the rough production of it being a worktape…..you are a really great writer!
November 12, 2018
0
Fun and beautiful duet. Lovely harmonies. I don’t agree that the bridge is to long.
November 15, 2018
0
I really enjoyed the song. Great flow of melody and lyrics. I can imagine an awesome final recording listening to the work tape. Bravo.
August 06, 2020
Do you want to have this song reviewed by an industry professional or a hit songwriter? Click on any of the professionals below to purchase your review.
Tell your peers about professional song reviews on Songwriting Pro.
×
Ani Bergman
It is a fun song. Good job!
October 25, 2018
No members have liked this comment.