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Cliches

Sam Wood

August 25, 2018

Genre: Pop

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Views: 221

Responses: 5




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About This Song


I wanted to write something fun and upbeat. I'd been writing a lot of dark and depressing songs. This one swung way the other way.

Feedback Requested


I would really, really love your feedback. I feel like there is something wrong with this song (perhaps the structure or the recording?), but I can't figure out what it is. I don't want to give up on this song. Any help would be appreciated!!


5 Responses


Bob Abner

Hey Sam—imho, the thing I notice is that if you’re gonna go with these lyrics (dealing with common place “cliches”), you might want to shoot for a “music bed” that really has some “lovely life” in the accompaniment to your words. As it is, the lyrics and the music BOTH seem to reinforce somewhat of a “pedestrian” non-energetic feel in each other—in other words, right now it seems like both the words and the music both seem to just simply sit there without really jumping out at the listener—in the end, it just feels like there’s not much energy—the bridge DID try to “lift up a little bit” (which is a step in the right direction), but in total, the song just seemed fairly flat and slightly lifeless to me. Hope that helps (or at least makes sense). Best wishes in your songwriting endeavors—and for what it’s worth, congrats to you—you are much more serious about songwriting than I was when I was your age!

August 26, 2018

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Bob Abner

Also, Sam, you might want to check out a song that Jimmy Buffett recorded called “Cliches” (to check out how an established songwriter cleverly uses verbal cliches). Here’s a youtube link to the song:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFMgwdV4-zo

(the lyrics are just below the picture of him, so you can follow along on the lyrics)

August 26, 2018

No members have liked this comment.

Frank Renfordt

Hi Sam, thank you for sharing your song with us - nice idea! I think you have too many measures, where nothing happens - that drags. Try to skip some measures between the lines to create a better flow. Try also to increase the tempo by a few beats, a slightly higher tempo will make it more swinging. Good luck!

August 27, 2018

No members have liked this comment.

Jayne Sachs

Hi Sam. First, you have an indie pop sound which is cool… so my comments are with that in mind rather than for commercial country crafting.  Depending on how commercial you are trying to write will depend on feedback. For instance, if this were a country song the feedback might include that you need more imagery for the listener to picture the story.. and you might want to consider ending the chorus with your title so listeners remember it. Having said that and not knowing what your true goal is, I think the problem areas are the length of the song, the many segments and the lack of visuals.. and by visuals I mean trying to use lyrics that actually give the listener a movie scene in their head.. something that allows them to see or hear or touch what the singer is saying.. not just having the singer be a narrator of thoughts (which is commonly referred to as “telling, not showing”. Listeners want to be shown.
Given that this is a pop tune, I would shorten it in general, add more visuals. The first time you hit the chorus, you double it. In my opinion there isn’t a need to do that.  Is the bridge necessary? Did she run away from you before? If so, how is this love at first sight? I would suggest maybe taking your verse lyrics and rewriting.. give us something to visualize about this person that has you so cliche’d up! Show us what you see etc.. in first verse. You can still choose descriptions that lean toward chilches but maybe personalize them to this person.
Also, take any measures out that aren’t necessary for the emotion of the song. Don’t let the song drag.
Hope this helps.

August 30, 2018

No members have liked this comment.

Joseph Guerra

Hi Sam,
I hear 2 songs in this very musical song..the first part using the major 7th chord rather than just a major chord and another song in My heart skips a beat..Cliches is a good title for a song, but since it’s been done by Jimmy Buffet, you might want to try “My heart skips a beat” even though there are a number of clichés in the song, But hey that’s the way you start..good luck your on the right road, it is a rather long song though and most people usually remember one line from a song, unless it’s a Garth brooks song then they just sing a long with it, (by the way that’s an amazing thing to experience. I had my first experience with that last Saturday at the Grand Ol Opry, anyway ‘My heart skips a beat is the line that jumps out, that’s a good thing to keep in mind for future songs, Some people have the attention span of a squirrel

August 30, 2018

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0

Bob Abner

Hey Sam—imho, the thing I notice is that if you’re gonna go with these lyrics (dealing with common place “cliches”), you might want to shoot for a “music bed” that really has some “lovely life” in the accompaniment to your words. As it is, the lyrics and the music BOTH seem to reinforce somewhat of a “pedestrian” non-energetic feel in each other—in other words, right now it seems like both the words and the music both seem to just simply sit there without really jumping out at the listener—in the end, it just feels like there’s not much energy—the bridge DID try to “lift up a little bit” (which is a step in the right direction), but in total, the song just seemed fairly flat and slightly lifeless to me. Hope that helps (or at least makes sense). Best wishes in your songwriting endeavors—and for what it’s worth, congrats to you—you are much more serious about songwriting than I was when I was your age!

August 26, 2018

0

Bob Abner

Also, Sam, you might want to check out a song that Jimmy Buffett recorded called “Cliches” (to check out how an established songwriter cleverly uses verbal cliches). Here’s a youtube link to the song:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFMgwdV4-zo

(the lyrics are just below the picture of him, so you can follow along on the lyrics)

August 26, 2018

0

Frank Renfordt

Hi Sam, thank you for sharing your song with us - nice idea! I think you have too many measures, where nothing happens - that drags. Try to skip some measures between the lines to create a better flow. Try also to increase the tempo by a few beats, a slightly higher tempo will make it more swinging. Good luck!

August 27, 2018

0

Jayne Sachs

Hi Sam. First, you have an indie pop sound which is cool… so my comments are with that in mind rather than for commercial country crafting.  Depending on how commercial you are trying to write will depend on feedback. For instance, if this were a country song the feedback might include that you need more imagery for the listener to picture the story.. and you might want to consider ending the chorus with your title so listeners remember it. Having said that and not knowing what your true goal is, I think the problem areas are the length of the song, the many segments and the lack of visuals.. and by visuals I mean trying to use lyrics that actually give the listener a movie scene in their head.. something that allows them to see or hear or touch what the singer is saying.. not just having the singer be a narrator of thoughts (which is commonly referred to as “telling, not showing”. Listeners want to be shown.
Given that this is a pop tune, I would shorten it in general, add more visuals. The first time you hit the chorus, you double it. In my opinion there isn’t a need to do that.  Is the bridge necessary? Did she run away from you before? If so, how is this love at first sight? I would suggest maybe taking your verse lyrics and rewriting.. give us something to visualize about this person that has you so cliche’d up! Show us what you see etc.. in first verse. You can still choose descriptions that lean toward chilches but maybe personalize them to this person.
Also, take any measures out that aren’t necessary for the emotion of the song. Don’t let the song drag.
Hope this helps.

August 30, 2018

0

Joseph Guerra

Hi Sam,
I hear 2 songs in this very musical song..the first part using the major 7th chord rather than just a major chord and another song in My heart skips a beat..Cliches is a good title for a song, but since it’s been done by Jimmy Buffet, you might want to try “My heart skips a beat” even though there are a number of clichés in the song, But hey that’s the way you start..good luck your on the right road, it is a rather long song though and most people usually remember one line from a song, unless it’s a Garth brooks song then they just sing a long with it, (by the way that’s an amazing thing to experience. I had my first experience with that last Saturday at the Grand Ol Opry, anyway ‘My heart skips a beat is the line that jumps out, that’s a good thing to keep in mind for future songs, Some people have the attention span of a squirrel

August 30, 2018



I’ve been searching for a long time
To find you
Behind trees under rocks
All the clichés are true

Now I’m sunny
that I’ve found you
I’m so happy
All the clichés are true

Chorus
My heart skipped a beat
I only see you in a crowded room
Feels like I’m floating
And weak in the knees

My heart skipped a beat
I only see you in a crowded room
Feels like I’m floating
And weak in, weak in the knees

The birds are singing in the sky
that’s blue.
No clouds. No rain.
All the clichés are true.

Chorus

Bridge
Please, oh please, don’t run away
Please, oh please, don’t run away this time
Please, oh please, don’t run away
This time. This time.

When I saw you. It was love
at first sight
Fallen hard for you
All the clichés are true.

Now I’m sunny
that I’ve found you
I’m so happy
All the clichés are true

Chorus

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