I recorded this song with my friend, Olivia Hughes, who also co-wrote this song with me.
As a new songwriter, I would LOVE any feedback!
Hi Bob. Thank you so much for your feedback. I just played your suggested chords on the piano. Certainly a different sound than the current song, but really cool! I don’t know if I’ll change the song at this point, but I’m going to try the song with the chord changes in the chorus and see what it sounds like. I definitely am going to keep this advice in mind for the next song!! This has been so helpful! Thank you so much!!
August 18, 2018
No members have liked this comment.
Hi Sam, I like the song, it has a nice feel, reminding me a bit to ‘Comfortably Numb’ from Pink Floyd. Just two remarks: 1. Other than in your lyric sheet, on your recording you go from your second verse directly to the bridge. My expectation was to hear the chorus once again there (better skip the repetition of your chorus at the end) 2. The pauses between the lines of your verses are quite long, I think the song would flow better if you would add some words to lengthen those lines and shortening the pauses. These are just my thoughts - good luck!
August 19, 2018
No members have liked this comment.
Nice blissful feel. Probably my favorite part of the song was the bridge even though you are singing that you’re “coming back down”. It has a sweet sound without being overly sentimental. I second some of the feedback from Renfordt about possibly shortening pauses.
December 12, 2018
No members have liked this comment.
You must be signed in to post feedback.
Gravity (co-written with Olivia Hughes)
I turned around to face
All my mistakes
Words I left unspoken
Dreams I’ve broken
You speak and I come back
To reality
You keep me in orbit
You’re my gravity
A flash of light without a sound
We are spinning round and round
In the dark and in the cold
But now I’ve got a hand to hold
And far away from where we are
Light from a collapsing star
As long as you’re still here with me
You’re my gravity
You’re my gravity
I turned around to face
All of my mistakes
But now there’s nothing there
Nothing to fear
A flash of light without a sound
We are spinning round and round
In the dark and in the cold
But now I’ve got a hand to hold
And far away from where we are
Light from a collapsing star
As long as you’re still here with me
You’re my gravity
You’re my gravity
I’m coming back down
I’m coming back down to earth
I’m coming back down...
A flash of light without a sound
We are spinning round and round
In the dark and in the cold
But now I’ve got a hand to hold
And far away from where we are
Light from a collapsing star
As long as you’re still here with me
You’re my gravity
You’re my gravity
1
First off, congrats on not just (as a “new songwriter”) writing a song, but also making the effort to get your song out there and heard by lots of other folks/musicians/songwriters. I also think it’s a decent song title (with a central idea). One thing that immediately jumped out at me—when it comes to your chords on this song, you probably need a little more variety. VERSE: D - A - F#minor - Eminor - D - A - F#minor - A (then) CHORUS: SAME CHORDS AS THE VERSE—imho, you definitely more “distinction between your Verse and your Chorus”—possible suggestion for chords on Chorus (off the top of my head)—A/G - B7/F# - Dmin/F - A/E - etc.—of course, that stylistically is a bit of a change from where you’re at now—but you get the idea—use your verse to set up your chorus, not just have your chorus be simply a continuation of your verse!!! Anyway, that’s just sorta my intial response to your song (and fwiw, I’m a piano player, not a guitar player)—definitely best wishes for your songwriting endeavors!
August 18, 2018
0
Hi Bob. Thank you so much for your feedback. I just played your suggested chords on the piano. Certainly a different sound than the current song, but really cool! I don’t know if I’ll change the song at this point, but I’m going to try the song with the chord changes in the chorus and see what it sounds like. I definitely am going to keep this advice in mind for the next song!! This has been so helpful! Thank you so much!!
August 18, 2018
0
Hi Sam, I like the song, it has a nice feel, reminding me a bit to ‘Comfortably Numb’ from Pink Floyd. Just two remarks: 1. Other than in your lyric sheet, on your recording you go from your second verse directly to the bridge. My expectation was to hear the chorus once again there (better skip the repetition of your chorus at the end) 2. The pauses between the lines of your verses are quite long, I think the song would flow better if you would add some words to lengthen those lines and shortening the pauses. These are just my thoughts - good luck!
August 19, 2018
0
Nice blissful feel. Probably my favorite part of the song was the bridge even though you are singing that you’re “coming back down”. It has a sweet sound without being overly sentimental. I second some of the feedback from Renfordt about possibly shortening pauses.
December 12, 2018
Do you want to have this song reviewed by an industry professional or a hit songwriter? Click on any of the professionals below to purchase your review.
Tell your peers about professional song reviews on Songwriting Pro.
×
Bob Abner
First off, congrats on not just (as a “new songwriter”) writing a song, but also making the effort to get your song out there and heard by lots of other folks/musicians/songwriters. I also think it’s a decent song title (with a central idea). One thing that immediately jumped out at me—when it comes to your chords on this song, you probably need a little more variety. VERSE: D - A - F#minor - Eminor - D - A - F#minor - A (then) CHORUS: SAME CHORDS AS THE VERSE—imho, you definitely more “distinction between your Verse and your Chorus”—possible suggestion for chords on Chorus (off the top of my head)—A/G - B7/F# - Dmin/F - A/E - etc.—of course, that stylistically is a bit of a change from where you’re at now—but you get the idea—use your verse to set up your chorus, not just have your chorus be simply a continuation of your verse!!! Anyway, that’s just sorta my intial response to your song (and fwiw, I’m a piano player, not a guitar player)—definitely best wishes for your songwriting endeavors!
August 18, 2018