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Honey In My Head

Frank Renfordt

August 15, 2018

Genre: Country

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Responses: 11




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About This Song


This is my latest demo. I've posted this song here before as a work tape. Special thanks to Kyle who helped me with some linguistic questions and all the others for feedback. I didn't change a lot, only some small tweaks.

Feedback Requested


Like to hear your thoughts. Any artist you think it could be a good fit?


11 Responses


Shane Trepeaux

Frank,

Cool commercial sound you got here. I like it! Made me think Darius Rucker-ish. And obviously that’s a good thing!

Only couple of things: 1) I wasn’t crazy about how in V1, the song goes from describing her, to describing the guy so quickly. Not a bad thing, I guess. But if one reads the lyrics to keep up with the song, it’s easy to be a bit confused there. And of course without the lyrics, it may sound like she’s drunk on something initially.  (2) I wasn’t crazy about the “heaven in my bed” line in the chorus either. Oh man, I get it. We all get it!  - LOL. But I bet that there’s probably a little better way to say just that, without actually saying it. Know what I mean? Just a bit more imagery.

It’s a catchy song though. And I do think you’re honing in on the target more with this one. Nice job!

August 15, 2018

No members have liked this comment.

Sonya Dauth

Hi Frank
Got my toes tappin’. Flows nicely.
I could see this working with a Brett Eldredge sound.
Nicely done.
Cheers
Sonya

August 16, 2018

No members have liked this comment.

Tre Carn

Nice song Frank sounds like something I’d hear on Go Country 105.1 in Los Angeles. I can see a publisher being interested. Best of luck!

August 16, 2018

No members have liked this comment.

Frank Renfordt

Thank you all for your nice comments, glad you like it.
It was some work to get there. 
Shane, I wonder about your problems with the line ‘Heaven in my bed’ -  Isn’t that already an image?  - I mean, I didn’t write ‘we had sex all day’ or something like that. I wonder if this is a linguistic issue or a cultural difference? I’ve worked with a pro-mentor on the song and he liked especially this line pair ‘heaven in my bed, honey in my head’ - so I never questioned that. Now I feel a bit insecure. One wrong line can mess up a whole song.

August 16, 2018

No members have liked this comment.

Reid Yamamoto

OMG Frank, I love your song! I love the vibe/feel, the lyrics, the music, the arrangement, the vocals esp. the BGV’s, the production values, and the temporary whole step modulation towards the end of the song (it sounds great)!!!!

You nailed this song to the wall and created a great masterpiece. Congratulations!

August 16, 2018

No members have liked this comment.

Frank Renfordt

Hey Reid - wow -thank you, I don’t know how to deal with so much praise - but a big part of it is certainly due to my producer Dave.

August 16, 2018

No members have liked this comment.

Shane Trepeaux

Hey Frank!

Oh, no, no! Please DON’T misunderstand my point on that line.(Heaven in my bed) It’s a cool line. And with the rhyme, “Heaven in my bed, honey in my head” it works. I do get that. I just personally wasn’t crazy about it. Just MY opinion man. I felt it could be made a little less direct for the current American country market and still get the point across. Thats all.

There ARE definitely artists today that will say just that. BUT,... I do believe there are those artists who won’t, for fear that it turns some of their female audience away. “Heaven in my bed” to me indicates “Sex in bed”. I’m just not 100% sure MOST women want to be described in that light, as “good in the sack” as such. ESPECIALLY in a world where #MeToo is at the forefront of things. Is your female market going to understand just how good this girl is in bed?  Are they gonna want to?—No.  Sure, “Heaven in my arms” or “Heaven by the dashboard light” are a bit cliche’. And of course they don’t rhyme with ‘head’. But even with something like “Heaven by the dashboard light”, this couple may just be kissing, making out. Or, just out on a heavy date and NOT having sex. Or, maybe they did. Who knows? But by saying it a little less direct, you’ve left it up to the listener’s imagination as to how it’s taken. I’d just hate to see you make your target audience funnel smaller Frank. I think the song’s got some real potential.

I have a line in my current posting on here that says, “Let’s lay it down and put our hands up high.” But I didn’t say, “Let’s lay it down and get in bed Momma.” So, since there’s a reference in my verse to an “I know you’re angry honey fictitious gun, what I could be meaning is, ” Let’s surrender Baby”. You and I BOTH know what I’m saying there. But hey, I didn’t say it! The next line then says, “Shoot me a smile, alight?” So maybe it WAS a fictitious gun and all he needs is a smile. (???)

...AND…. my song needs work too Frank! These are just my thoughts. It may not be worth changing to you. (??) Sorry for the length here. Just hoping to help!

August 16, 2018

No members have liked this comment.

Frank Renfordt

Got you Shane! Thanks for the explanation. I think you are probably right, there maybe some artists for whom the song is a bit too daring. On the other side there are songs like ‘Body like a Backroad’  - a huge success and pretty sexy. Also I think, trying to please everyone, the most average will come out. But I definitely will take you thoughts into account in my further writing.Thank you!

August 17, 2018

No members have liked this comment.

Guy Michael

Frank,
I really like how this song sort of ‘percolates’ with a happy feeling you just can’t stop. Bravo!

August 18, 2018

No members have liked this comment.

Bob Abner

Frank, 1) I think both the lyrics and the production are both catchy and solid. 2) Except for notable difference on bridge, both verses and choruses are all: B flat - F -  Gmin - E flat—other folks may not even notice that, but it’s a little offputting to me—I think both lyrics and music of the verse should generally set up a really strong chorus, but it seemed in a way as if the chorus was just more of the verse (albeit the production sorta smoothed over the issue somewhat and managed to keep “toes tapping”). Again, best wishes for all your songs and songwriting endeavors!

August 18, 2018

No members have liked this comment.

Frank Renfordt

Guy- your comment means a lot to me, cause a happy feeling is exactly what I wanted to come across with the song! Good to hear it works.

Bob, well noticed - yeah, this is a ‘Four-Chord-Song’.  If you not already know this video, you should take a look, it’s amazing: https://youtu.be/5pidokakU4I

Thank you for listening and your feedback!

August 18, 2018

No members have liked this comment.


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0

Shane Trepeaux

Frank,

Cool commercial sound you got here. I like it! Made me think Darius Rucker-ish. And obviously that’s a good thing!

Only couple of things: 1) I wasn’t crazy about how in V1, the song goes from describing her, to describing the guy so quickly. Not a bad thing, I guess. But if one reads the lyrics to keep up with the song, it’s easy to be a bit confused there. And of course without the lyrics, it may sound like she’s drunk on something initially.  (2) I wasn’t crazy about the “heaven in my bed” line in the chorus either. Oh man, I get it. We all get it!  - LOL. But I bet that there’s probably a little better way to say just that, without actually saying it. Know what I mean? Just a bit more imagery.

It’s a catchy song though. And I do think you’re honing in on the target more with this one. Nice job!

August 15, 2018

0

Sonya Dauth

Hi Frank
Got my toes tappin’. Flows nicely.
I could see this working with a Brett Eldredge sound.
Nicely done.
Cheers
Sonya

August 16, 2018

0

Tre Carn

Nice song Frank sounds like something I’d hear on Go Country 105.1 in Los Angeles. I can see a publisher being interested. Best of luck!

August 16, 2018

0

Frank Renfordt

Thank you all for your nice comments, glad you like it.
It was some work to get there. 
Shane, I wonder about your problems with the line ‘Heaven in my bed’ -  Isn’t that already an image?  - I mean, I didn’t write ‘we had sex all day’ or something like that. I wonder if this is a linguistic issue or a cultural difference? I’ve worked with a pro-mentor on the song and he liked especially this line pair ‘heaven in my bed, honey in my head’ - so I never questioned that. Now I feel a bit insecure. One wrong line can mess up a whole song.

August 16, 2018

0

Reid Yamamoto

OMG Frank, I love your song! I love the vibe/feel, the lyrics, the music, the arrangement, the vocals esp. the BGV’s, the production values, and the temporary whole step modulation towards the end of the song (it sounds great)!!!!

You nailed this song to the wall and created a great masterpiece. Congratulations!

August 16, 2018

0

Frank Renfordt

Hey Reid - wow -thank you, I don’t know how to deal with so much praise - but a big part of it is certainly due to my producer Dave.

August 16, 2018

0

Shane Trepeaux

Hey Frank!

Oh, no, no! Please DON’T misunderstand my point on that line.(Heaven in my bed) It’s a cool line. And with the rhyme, “Heaven in my bed, honey in my head” it works. I do get that. I just personally wasn’t crazy about it. Just MY opinion man. I felt it could be made a little less direct for the current American country market and still get the point across. Thats all.

There ARE definitely artists today that will say just that. BUT,... I do believe there are those artists who won’t, for fear that it turns some of their female audience away. “Heaven in my bed” to me indicates “Sex in bed”. I’m just not 100% sure MOST women want to be described in that light, as “good in the sack” as such. ESPECIALLY in a world where #MeToo is at the forefront of things. Is your female market going to understand just how good this girl is in bed?  Are they gonna want to?—No.  Sure, “Heaven in my arms” or “Heaven by the dashboard light” are a bit cliche’. And of course they don’t rhyme with ‘head’. But even with something like “Heaven by the dashboard light”, this couple may just be kissing, making out. Or, just out on a heavy date and NOT having sex. Or, maybe they did. Who knows? But by saying it a little less direct, you’ve left it up to the listener’s imagination as to how it’s taken. I’d just hate to see you make your target audience funnel smaller Frank. I think the song’s got some real potential.

I have a line in my current posting on here that says, “Let’s lay it down and put our hands up high.” But I didn’t say, “Let’s lay it down and get in bed Momma.” So, since there’s a reference in my verse to an “I know you’re angry honey fictitious gun, what I could be meaning is, ” Let’s surrender Baby”. You and I BOTH know what I’m saying there. But hey, I didn’t say it! The next line then says, “Shoot me a smile, alight?” So maybe it WAS a fictitious gun and all he needs is a smile. (???)

...AND…. my song needs work too Frank! These are just my thoughts. It may not be worth changing to you. (??) Sorry for the length here. Just hoping to help!

August 16, 2018

0

Frank Renfordt

Got you Shane! Thanks for the explanation. I think you are probably right, there maybe some artists for whom the song is a bit too daring. On the other side there are songs like ‘Body like a Backroad’  - a huge success and pretty sexy. Also I think, trying to please everyone, the most average will come out. But I definitely will take you thoughts into account in my further writing.Thank you!

August 17, 2018

0

Guy Michael

Frank,
I really like how this song sort of ‘percolates’ with a happy feeling you just can’t stop. Bravo!

August 18, 2018

0

Bob Abner

Frank, 1) I think both the lyrics and the production are both catchy and solid. 2) Except for notable difference on bridge, both verses and choruses are all: B flat - F -  Gmin - E flat—other folks may not even notice that, but it’s a little offputting to me—I think both lyrics and music of the verse should generally set up a really strong chorus, but it seemed in a way as if the chorus was just more of the verse (albeit the production sorta smoothed over the issue somewhat and managed to keep “toes tapping”). Again, best wishes for all your songs and songwriting endeavors!

August 18, 2018

0

Frank Renfordt

Guy- your comment means a lot to me, cause a happy feeling is exactly what I wanted to come across with the song! Good to hear it works.

Bob, well noticed - yeah, this is a ‘Four-Chord-Song’.  If you not already know this video, you should take a look, it’s amazing: https://youtu.be/5pidokakU4I

Thank you for listening and your feedback!

August 18, 2018


Honey In My Head

Written by Frank Renfordt

Honey In My Head Written by Frank Renfordt © 2018

Her hair like sunlight
on a field of wheat
eyes filled with wonder
Freckles on her cheeks
drunk with her beauty
stoned on her smile
Her small-town sweetness
Knocks me out for a while

She's like honey in my head
since the sunny summer day we met
it's raining kisses on her neck
heaven in my bed - honey in my head
I've never felt like that
sweet sweet things that she did
everything is spinning a bit
around around around around
in my head in my head in my head
she’s like honey in my head

Don't need no whisky
to get a buzz like that
To be this happy
I don‘t need Prozac
She makes me dizzy
with her fingertips
an' like a bee to a blossom
I'm addicted to her lips

She's like honey in my head
since the sunny summer day we met
it's raining kisses on her neck
heaven in my bed - honey in my head
I've never felt like that
sweet sweet things that she did
everything is spinning a bit
around around around around
in my head in my head in my head
she’s like honey in my head

I'll never forget our hot rendezvous
and how I discovered her tiny secret tattoo

She's like honey in my head
since the sunny summer day we met
it's raining kisses on her neck
Heaven in my bed - honey in my head
I've never felt like that
sweet sweet things that she did
everything is spinning a bit
around around around around
She's like honey in my head
since the sunny summer day we met
it's raining kisses on her neck
'I love you' she said - honey in my head
I've never felt like that
sweet sweet things that we did
everything is spinning a bit
around around around around
in my head in my head in my head
she’s like honey in my head

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