The power of the imagination to create reality.
Any feedback would be greatly appreciated... 
I like this song idea a lot. Some pretty good imagery. It’s relatable to a lot if not most everyone. I like the production too.
I kinda miss hearing a chorus. You’ve got a great hook line. Maybe you could rework one of the verses into a great Chorus? “In my mind…”
August 07, 2018
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Martin, thank you for taking the time to listen. I get what you’re saying, and am hoping to learn how to be open to rewriting things instead of being carved in stone that my first draft is the finished product.
I am learning that real songwriting is really a series of rewrites, and am hoping to ‘loosen up’ a bit in my approach so I can create things that are more appealing to more people.
Your insight is very helpful, and I will see if I can play around with it a bit and maybe something will click!
August 07, 2018
Guy I think the song is great I like the up tempo and the lyrics great job.
August 08, 2018
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Guy, I really like the song! I also agree with Martin Vipond in terms of a chorus. In terms of the typical template of country songs, a chorus is needed between the 1st & 2nd verse, again between the 2nd verse and the bridge. and yet again after the 3rd verse. The chorus can be short, i.e. just a couple lines.
I really like this song and feel it could be fixed with little effort. And, if you rework the song, I feel it would serve the lyric better if you wrote:
“If you and I did,” and “If you and I did what you and I do right here in my mind.”
August 13, 2018
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If you and me did
What we do in my mind,
I'd have to leave this town like a fugitive,
Bound for the borderline,
Livin' on the lam, a wanted man,
I'd be lookin' at doin' hard time,
If you and me did what you and me do
Right here in my mind...
If you knew what I was thinkin'
When I felt your embrace,
I bet I'd see about fifty shades of "Oh my gosh!"
Right across your face,
Yeah, if I got busted you might act disgusted,
But I bet you'd be a bit inclined,
If you and me did what you and me do
Right here in my mind...
(Bridge)
Until now, we've always been just
A little bit more than friends,
We'd grab a drink then you'd give me a wink,
And a little hug now and then,
But sometime if we crossed that line,
I'd keep ya comin' on back for more,
I've already rehearsed that scene about
A thousand times before...
(Lead)
If I said I had a secret,
Would you promise not to tell?
There's a lotta money owin' from the pennies
I've been throwin' down this wishin' well,
And we'd be readin' in the papers
How we woke up all the neighbors
With my fantasies unconfined,
If you and me did what you and me do
Right here in my mind...
(Copyright 2014 Guy Artuso)
0
I like this song idea a lot. Some pretty good imagery. It’s relatable to a lot if not most everyone. I like the production too.
I kinda miss hearing a chorus. You’ve got a great hook line. Maybe you could rework one of the verses into a great Chorus? “In my mind…”
August 07, 2018
1
Martin, thank you for taking the time to listen. I get what you’re saying, and am hoping to learn how to be open to rewriting things instead of being carved in stone that my first draft is the finished product.
I am learning that real songwriting is really a series of rewrites, and am hoping to ‘loosen up’ a bit in my approach so I can create things that are more appealing to more people.
Your insight is very helpful, and I will see if I can play around with it a bit and maybe something will click!
August 07, 2018
0
Guy I think the song is great I like the up tempo and the lyrics great job.
August 08, 2018
0
Guy, I really like the song! I also agree with Martin Vipond in terms of a chorus. In terms of the typical template of country songs, a chorus is needed between the 1st & 2nd verse, again between the 2nd verse and the bridge. and yet again after the 3rd verse. The chorus can be short, i.e. just a couple lines.
I really like this song and feel it could be fixed with little effort. And, if you rework the song, I feel it would serve the lyric better if you wrote:
“If you and I did,” and “If you and I did what you and I do right here in my mind.”
August 13, 2018
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Dori Weaver
Hi Guy,
Nice work here. Enjoyed my listen!
August 04, 2018
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