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Human selfishness and ignorance, with a touch of "Love fixes everything" in the chorus. Unplugged acoustic demo, one voice, one guitar, one mic, one take.
I love the chorus. I could see a female vocal on this with a light Americana production. Move the chorus to the top of the song and pitch it for sync. I could see this chorus in some love story movie
May 31, 2018
Thank you guys for taking the time to listen and comment.
I don’t have a problem with cliches in lyrics. They say we should write conversationally, don’t they, and people use cliches in conversation all the time, although I can’t recall the last time I heard “it cuts me like a knife” down the pub. That said, I don’t want to upset people, so the first four lines now go like this:
How long has this been going on?
Perhaps we’ll never know
When did things start to go so wrong?
It seems so long ago
Can’t really tell if it’s better or worse, to be honest, but there you go.
Jayne, your suggestion that there should be more intimate details about what you assume is a failing relationship don’t really work for me. The relationship is strong, somewhere the singer can return to for comfort in the face of a troubled world. The main theme concerns human greed and ignorance, and the damage we do, and how individuals try to cope when they eventually realise they just went along with things they now see as bad. I’m a firm believer in not putting everything on a plate for the listener, encouraging them to flesh out the bones of the lyric and create their own movie in their head. It sounds as if that’s precisely how things went for you, so that’s very pleasing.
June 02, 2018
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How long has this been going on?
It seems like all my life
When did things start to go so wrong?
It cuts me like a knife
I see the mess we made
Of all those plans we laid
We took so long to see the light
One kiss can put things right
One kiss to say goodnight
And guarantee the bedbugs never bite
You can rescue me from all of this
With just one kiss
How many years since we first met?
Still feels like yesterday
Times things were good as they could get
Life was a game we played
It never crossed our minds
We gained from others' crimes
Now there’s a price we have to pay
Chorus
If anything is beautiful we break it
Nothing works once it’s been pulled apart
If anything's desirable we take it
But nothing fills this vacuum in our hearts
Chorus
Original song © Pete Smith 2013, 2018
1
A sweet plea to make the relationship better! As a listener I am so interested in learning more about this couple so I can also visualize their problems. I’d love to be able to picture some of what you pictured when you wrote it. Does she turn her back to you when you turn off the light? Does she tighten up when you try to pull her closer? I imagine those visuals are in there… and you are the perfect person to reach in and pull them into the spotlight so we can see them too! I’d also watch using the cliche’s like “cuts me like a knife”.. and try to say the same thing but differently.. in not the way that everyone says it.
Also, I am SO curious as to what crimes you are referring to? Other people’s affairs, etc? Maybe if this was brought out more, we might learn more about this couple and be rooting for that KISS to fix it all! I would challenge you to let us in on this special story!
May 31, 2018
1
I love the chorus. I could see a female vocal on this with a light Americana production. Move the chorus to the top of the song and pitch it for sync. I could see this chorus in some love story movie
May 31, 2018
0
Thank you guys for taking the time to listen and comment.
I don’t have a problem with cliches in lyrics. They say we should write conversationally, don’t they, and people use cliches in conversation all the time, although I can’t recall the last time I heard “it cuts me like a knife” down the pub. That said, I don’t want to upset people, so the first four lines now go like this:
How long has this been going on?
Perhaps we’ll never know
When did things start to go so wrong?
It seems so long ago
Can’t really tell if it’s better or worse, to be honest, but there you go.
Jayne, your suggestion that there should be more intimate details about what you assume is a failing relationship don’t really work for me. The relationship is strong, somewhere the singer can return to for comfort in the face of a troubled world. The main theme concerns human greed and ignorance, and the damage we do, and how individuals try to cope when they eventually realise they just went along with things they now see as bad. I’m a firm believer in not putting everything on a plate for the listener, encouraging them to flesh out the bones of the lyric and create their own movie in their head. It sounds as if that’s precisely how things went for you, so that’s very pleasing.
June 02, 2018
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Jayne Sachs
A sweet plea to make the relationship better! As a listener I am so interested in learning more about this couple so I can also visualize their problems. I’d love to be able to picture some of what you pictured when you wrote it. Does she turn her back to you when you turn off the light? Does she tighten up when you try to pull her closer? I imagine those visuals are in there… and you are the perfect person to reach in and pull them into the spotlight so we can see them too! I’d also watch using the cliche’s like “cuts me like a knife”.. and try to say the same thing but differently.. in not the way that everyone says it.
Also, I am SO curious as to what crimes you are referring to? Other people’s affairs, etc? Maybe if this was brought out more, we might learn more about this couple and be rooting for that KISS to fix it all! I would challenge you to let us in on this special story!
May 31, 2018