CRIED LIKE RAIN (written by Jack Speer, produced by John D. Willis, sung by Joshua Rush):
Our school was very small and my clique of guy friends and I all decided to join the Marines together upon graduation (1968) from high school (during the Viet Nam War). However, I received a football scholarship to FSU and decided to take a last-minute change of direction from my Marine-bound friends after graduation. Years later, when I saw my group of friends during a funeral for one of the Marines’ mother, I couldn’t help noticing the unique bond they shared; one that made me feel like somewhat of an outsider. When my friend got up and spoke of his deceased mother, I also noticed that he never shed a tear. And, during my solitary, 90-minute drive back to Tampa from the funeral, this song began to unfold. Although this song is not autobiographical, the event did stir some emotions, which typically jump-starts my songwriting process.
Brent, thank you for taking time to review my song and provide some helpful feedback.
As for the confusion you referenced: He was in a camo tent with 6 other Marines when he received notice of his son being born and the line, “His eyes and yours are one in the same,” brought him to a state of emotion.
Desert Storm occurred in 1990. “Didn’t hear much from him anymore… When I got a phone call on my cell phone, “My dad is gone and I was hoping you might have something to say” It’s his son calling, asking me to speak at the service…
Bottom line, it’s obviously confusing or you wouldn’t have questioned it and I appreciate your candor.
Again, thank you for your comments!
May 18, 2018
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Hi Jack,
this is a very emotional song and the lyrics have got me. and beside it’s a very personal story i could relate to it. I like the chorus melody - nice work.
May 22, 2018
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BEST FRIENDS SINCE YOUNGER DAYS,
I CAN’T RECALL AT ANY AGE,
WHEN HE EVER SHED A TEAR.
EVEN WHEN HIS MOTHER DIED,
AND EVERYONE AROUND HIM CRIED,
NO EMOTIONS APPEARED.
THEN, ON THE DAY HIS SON WAS BORN,
WHILE IN THE MIDST OF DEASERT STORM,
WE WERE SIDE-BY-SIDE WHEN THE MESSAGE CAME,
“YOUR EYES AND HIS ARE ONE AND THE SAME.”
HE CRIED LIKE RAIN,
THAT MEMORY STILL REMAINS,
IN A CAMO TENT WITH SIX OTHER MARINES,
EVERY ONE OF US WIPING OUR EYES.
HE CRIED LIKE RAIN,
TEARS RUNNING DOWN HIS CHEEKS,
HE DROPPED TO HIS KNEES,
AND SAID, “GOD, THANKS FOR THIS LIFE!”
AND CRIED LIKE RAIN.
THINGS WERE DIFFERENT AFTER THE WAR,
DIDN’T HEAR MUCH FROM HIM ANYMORE,
THEN, ON A COLD THANKSGIVING DAY,
I GOT A CALL ON MY CELL PHONE,
SAID, “SIR, MY DAD IS GONE,
AND I WAS HOPING YOU MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY?”
I SAID, “I SURE DO,
SON, I’LL BE THERE FOR YOU,
AND I KNOW A HALF-DOZEN MORE WHO WILL BE THERE, TOO.”
I TALKED ABOUT WHEN WE WERE KIDS,
GROWING UP AND ALL THE THINGS WE DID,
BUT IN THE MIDDLE OF MY GOODBYES,
I GLANCED AT HIS SON AND AS I LOOKED INTO HIS EYES,
I CRIED LIKE RAIN,
THAT MEMORY STILL REMAINS,
IN A CAMO TENT WITH SIX OTHER MARINES,
EVERY ONE OF US WIPING OUR EYES.
I CRIED LIKE RAIN,
TEARS RUNNING DOWN MY CHEEKS,
I DROPPED TO MY KNEES,
AND SAID, “GOD, THANKS FOR THIS LIFE!”
AND CRIED LIKE RAIN,
AND CRIED LIKE RAIN.
0
Hi, Jack- welcome to Frettie! Thanks for sharing your song and your story with us. I like that, even though it’s an emotional song, you didn’t make it a slow ballad. I’m glad it has come energy.
The line “your eyes and his are one and the same” should be more conversational. Feels like you wrote a line that isn’t how people talk- all in an effort to get to the rhyme. You could say something like
“We were side-by-side when the message arrived - Your son has his daddy’s eyes”
That’s not perfect, but you get the idea.
Also, I was kinda confused by the 2nd verse when he calls you “sir” and you call him “son.” That makes me think the singer is older than the other Marine, but you were both kids together. It threw me, and I had to look back over the lyric to get my head right. But that’s an easy fix.
Overall, there’s a lot of good stuff going on here. Nice work.
Hope that helps! Please take a moment to leave a comment on another writer’s song. It doesn’t have to be super-detailed or anything. Just a thought or two about the song. (Also, the best way to GET feedback is to GIVE feedback.) Thanks!
May 18, 2018
0
Brent, thank you for taking time to review my song and provide some helpful feedback.
As for the confusion you referenced: He was in a camo tent with 6 other Marines when he received notice of his son being born and the line, “His eyes and yours are one in the same,” brought him to a state of emotion.
Desert Storm occurred in 1990. “Didn’t hear much from him anymore… When I got a phone call on my cell phone, “My dad is gone and I was hoping you might have something to say” It’s his son calling, asking me to speak at the service…
Bottom line, it’s obviously confusing or you wouldn’t have questioned it and I appreciate your candor.
Again, thank you for your comments!
May 18, 2018
0
Hi Jack,
this is a very emotional song and the lyrics have got me. and beside it’s a very personal story i could relate to it. I like the chorus melody - nice work.
May 22, 2018
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Brent Baxter
Hi, Jack- welcome to Frettie! Thanks for sharing your song and your story with us. I like that, even though it’s an emotional song, you didn’t make it a slow ballad. I’m glad it has come energy.
The line “your eyes and his are one and the same” should be more conversational. Feels like you wrote a line that isn’t how people talk- all in an effort to get to the rhyme. You could say something like
“We were side-by-side when the message arrived - Your son has his daddy’s eyes”
That’s not perfect, but you get the idea.
Also, I was kinda confused by the 2nd verse when he calls you “sir” and you call him “son.” That makes me think the singer is older than the other Marine, but you were both kids together. It threw me, and I had to look back over the lyric to get my head right. But that’s an easy fix.
Overall, there’s a lot of good stuff going on here. Nice work.
Hope that helps! Please take a moment to leave a comment on another writer’s song. It doesn’t have to be super-detailed or anything. Just a thought or two about the song. (Also, the best way to GET feedback is to GIVE feedback.) Thanks!
May 18, 2018
No members have liked this comment.