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Hows the Imagery?
Brent thanks so much for your feedback!
You’re totally right about flipping the role of the man getting up every morning to make the coffee but that still isn’t making things okay in the relationship.
I guess my thought was that the man knows something drastic needs to happen to save their relationship, So he’s telling her to take whatever she needs to figure things out. But at the same time, he’s too prideful to do it himself.
March 01, 2018
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Verse:
You turn off the kitchen light
Go to bed every night Alone
I don’t want to pick a fight
I guess that’s why I’m never Home
Im hell-bent on loving you
But this time I gotta let you go
So
Chorus:
Take a chance
Take your time
Take the road see what you find
Figure out if it’s you or me
Take your dollar take your dime
Cause you can’t buy this heart of mine
You don’t have to leave much with me
Just Take what you need
Verse:
You make the coffee every mornin
Strong enough to keep us going
Wrong
So wrong
We can’t seem to get it right
Everything has gone a awry
You know
Don’t you know
I’m not strong enough to walk away
That’s why, you need to hear me say
Chorus:
Take a chance
But take your time
Tell me where I crossed the line
If that will take you back to me
If it’s the end of the line
Don’t worry about this heart of mine
If you can’t live without me
Just take what you need
1
Hi, Evan! Welcome to Frettie! Thanks for sharing your music with us. I like how you start off with a clear, intriguing image about the kitchen light.
However, with her going to bed alone each night and making the coffee every morning… she’s pretty sympathetic- moreso than the singer, actually. I think it’s wiser to have him there, not out all night, and to have him making the coffee. Makes him more sympathetic and her more checked-out.
I need more lyrical proof that she’s the one who’s checked out- not him.
I like the emotional, intimate feel of the melody.
Hope that helps! Please take a moment to leave a comment on another writer’s song. It doesn’t have to be super-detailed or anything. Just a thought or two about the song. (Also, the best way to GET feedback is to GIVE feedback.) Thanks!
February 28, 2018
0
Brent thanks so much for your feedback!
You’re totally right about flipping the role of the man getting up every morning to make the coffee but that still isn’t making things okay in the relationship.
I guess my thought was that the man knows something drastic needs to happen to save their relationship, So he’s telling her to take whatever she needs to figure things out. But at the same time, he’s too prideful to do it himself.
March 01, 2018
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Brent Baxter
Hi, Evan! Welcome to Frettie! Thanks for sharing your music with us. I like how you start off with a clear, intriguing image about the kitchen light.
However, with her going to bed alone each night and making the coffee every morning… she’s pretty sympathetic- moreso than the singer, actually. I think it’s wiser to have him there, not out all night, and to have him making the coffee. Makes him more sympathetic and her more checked-out.
I need more lyrical proof that she’s the one who’s checked out- not him.
I like the emotional, intimate feel of the melody.
Hope that helps! Please take a moment to leave a comment on another writer’s song. It doesn’t have to be super-detailed or anything. Just a thought or two about the song. (Also, the best way to GET feedback is to GIVE feedback.) Thanks!
February 28, 2018