Tried to capture what I thought most ladies would ask when they found out there husbands cheated on them.
Been told this is a little too direct by some. Would appreciate your opinion.
Thanks Frank! I know it’s direct but sometimes it’s best not to beat around the bush. Every lady I played it for has liked it! Men…not so much. Thanks again for the feedback.
February 23, 2018
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This feels so good… I love the “did you turn over our picture and lay it on’s its face” and I love the hook…
I was a little thrown off by the the stepping over a teddy bear against the wall… I don’t see the visual of how to step over it if it is against the wall… but that could be….
Not sure you need a bridge… Just my opinion…
I don’t think it’s too direct though… GREAT job Bobby… !!
February 24, 2018
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And I mean “But that could be just me” not “that could be” HA! Sorry I re-read after posting ... Next time I need to check it over before I post
February 24, 2018
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Thanks for the feedback Donna. Agree with the step over the Teddy Bear part. If I remember…I changed the lyrics to kick the kids Teddy Bear up against the wall as you walked with her down our hall. So use to writing with a bridge…you may be right. Thanks again for the feedback.
February 24, 2018
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I would actually love to sing this. Could it be possible? I’m kinda searching good songs besides my own writing so I can grow as an artist, and someday my musical efforts may be shown as some results if you know what I mean.
February 25, 2018
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Noora everything is possible! Let me see if it is alright to put my email address in a feedback.
February 25, 2018
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Woohoo on getting on the Tuesday Tracks, and well-deserved! To my mind, not even remotely too direct, and the only feedback I have has already been given, which is about stepping over a teddy bear against a wall, which I see is changed in the written lyrics.
The only other thought I have is the harmony part, as not sure who the second singer would be in the story, it sounded like a different singer, and I wonder if the harmonies wouldn’t be better being the same female singer (so that the listener isn’t thinking “Who else is that singing about this?) Or maybe that is just my strange way of thinking about things
Beautifully sung and played too, great sound on the demo!
February 28, 2018
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Tommy you have a great ear. I was hoping no one would catch Jas singing along. He got carried away but since it was a rough demo…I didn’t mind. Thanks for the feedback.
February 28, 2018
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Verse I
Four years of college working every night
struggle after struggle, I can’t forget those times
Leaning on each other in the storms of a life
all those memories, yours and mine
pre chorus:
I don’t know what happened
still feels like a bad dream
I guess that’s why I keep on ask’n
Chorus
Did you kick our kids teddy bear up against the wall
when you walked with her down our hall
Did you turn over our picture, lay it on it’s face
cause it was in your way
it took so long to build our life
was it worth it to loose it all in one night
Verse II
You get to spend thanksgiving... all alone
have Christmas with the kids over the phone
you can send some money by mail
I’ll put in under their pillow, I’ll never tell
Bridge:
one night, one second, one decision
now all your efforts can’t...ever fix it
In one night..
still feels like a dream
in one night
0
Hey Bobby that is a wonderful song! I love it like it is. Great demo too! Good luck!
February 23, 2018
0
Thanks Frank! I know it’s direct but sometimes it’s best not to beat around the bush. Every lady I played it for has liked it! Men…not so much. Thanks again for the feedback.
February 23, 2018
0
This feels so good… I love the “did you turn over our picture and lay it on’s its face” and I love the hook…
I was a little thrown off by the the stepping over a teddy bear against the wall… I don’t see the visual of how to step over it if it is against the wall… but that could be….
Not sure you need a bridge… Just my opinion…
I don’t think it’s too direct though… GREAT job Bobby… !!
February 24, 2018
0
And I mean “But that could be just me” not “that could be” HA! Sorry I re-read after posting ... Next time I need to check it over before I post
February 24, 2018
0
Thanks for the feedback Donna. Agree with the step over the Teddy Bear part. If I remember…I changed the lyrics to kick the kids Teddy Bear up against the wall as you walked with her down our hall. So use to writing with a bridge…you may be right. Thanks again for the feedback.
February 24, 2018
0
I would actually love to sing this. Could it be possible? I’m kinda searching good songs besides my own writing so I can grow as an artist, and someday my musical efforts may be shown as some results if you know what I mean.
February 25, 2018
0
Noora everything is possible! Let me see if it is alright to put my email address in a feedback.
February 25, 2018
0
Woohoo on getting on the Tuesday Tracks, and well-deserved! To my mind, not even remotely too direct, and the only feedback I have has already been given, which is about stepping over a teddy bear against a wall, which I see is changed in the written lyrics.
The only other thought I have is the harmony part, as not sure who the second singer would be in the story, it sounded like a different singer, and I wonder if the harmonies wouldn’t be better being the same female singer (so that the listener isn’t thinking “Who else is that singing about this?) Or maybe that is just my strange way of thinking about things
Beautifully sung and played too, great sound on the demo!
February 28, 2018
0
Tommy you have a great ear. I was hoping no one would catch Jas singing along. He got carried away but since it was a rough demo…I didn’t mind. Thanks for the feedback.
February 28, 2018
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Frank Renfordt
Hey Bobby that is a wonderful song! I love it like it is. Great demo too! Good luck!
February 23, 2018
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