So it is really my story, but through listening to other songwriters I heard it is better to have it not about yourself. So I wrote it in 3rd person. It is not the greatest of songs, but I thought it would be nice to have feedback on what I am doing right and wrong as far as writing a song to the general public.
Anything that will help.
Hi Ani,
I love your voice, you are such a talented singer (that gift is not given to me) - it’s definitely worth working on your performance skills. The song lacks of contrast between verse and chorus and the chorus could be more fluently with less breaks between the lines. I’m also missing a rhyming scheme. I would recommend to you to make a songbook of your favorite songs and learn to play the guitar and sing along. Take a look to the song structures, rhyming schemes, phrasing and rhythm. Rehearsing this way you automatically will get a feeling how to build and perform a song. I also recommend to take the song and chord structure and meter of one of your favorite songs and write your own lyrics and melody to it - you will see that will help you a lot to get better results. There are many many sources on the web, which could help you learning songs to play and sing along. Use a capo if the song is not written in your range. - I recommend ‘justinguitar.com’ which is a great source for all levels and it’s for free. Don’t waste your talent! Good luck!
February 20, 2018
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You have a beautiful voice. I felt there was a lack of fluency with lyrics and music. Some lyrics could be improved by finding alternatives or better lines. 2nd verse is well done, but you might need to improve the 1st verse.
February 20, 2018
No members have liked this comment.
No members have liked this comment.
First step: make sure your guitar is in tune (in this recording, it’s noticeably out of tune). Best of luck with songwriting!
August 06, 2018
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One girl chose to seek the truth
read, seek and ye shall find
She had nothing to lose
in finding what makes life
She decided it's all right to try
She's strong in all's unknown
Chose to see if she's right
Is there a God who loves
Who created her to life
It's her path alone, so she
C
Seeks with all her soul to know if God will show
Searched with all her heart to find what truth means in life
She felt overwhelming love
cried from deep inside
Then felt peace she didn't know
more than can be described
She felt more alive
C
Bridge:
Even with fear, she searched for truth. Is God here, well he found her too, when she
Seeks with all her soul to know and then God had shown
Searched with all her heart and found what truth means in life.
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I am giving feedback on myself. I realized after listening to it that it is way too high. I can’t remove the song, though.
February 19, 2018
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Hi Ani,
I love your voice, you are such a talented singer (that gift is not given to me) - it’s definitely worth working on your performance skills. The song lacks of contrast between verse and chorus and the chorus could be more fluently with less breaks between the lines. I’m also missing a rhyming scheme. I would recommend to you to make a songbook of your favorite songs and learn to play the guitar and sing along. Take a look to the song structures, rhyming schemes, phrasing and rhythm. Rehearsing this way you automatically will get a feeling how to build and perform a song. I also recommend to take the song and chord structure and meter of one of your favorite songs and write your own lyrics and melody to it - you will see that will help you a lot to get better results. There are many many sources on the web, which could help you learning songs to play and sing along. Use a capo if the song is not written in your range. - I recommend ‘justinguitar.com’ which is a great source for all levels and it’s for free. Don’t waste your talent! Good luck!
February 20, 2018
0
You have a beautiful voice. I felt there was a lack of fluency with lyrics and music. Some lyrics could be improved by finding alternatives or better lines. 2nd verse is well done, but you might need to improve the 1st verse.
February 20, 2018
0
First step: make sure your guitar is in tune (in this recording, it’s noticeably out of tune). Best of luck with songwriting!
August 06, 2018
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Ani Bergman
I am giving feedback on myself. I realized after listening to it that it is way too high. I can’t remove the song, though.
February 19, 2018
No members have liked this comment.