This song is a Co-write with Gordon Donaldson and Ollie Koskela.
Looking for feedback on a new song we have written to see where we’re at, and if we need to improve it.
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I love the verse melody and chords. I love the chorus melody and chords. The ‘in-between’ threw me a little. Not in a bad way, but it almost felt like a different song for a quick second. I may be inclined to use that section as a bridge only and remove it between the verse and chorus to see if it makes the melody flow better. I am a singer and lyrics still are a challenge to me (hence why I am here on Frettie), so I listen and tend to give feedback on that first. I’m going to leave the lyrical feedback to the pros. I can’t wait to hear the final product with production. I can definitely hear the growling guitars.
February 21, 2018
Thank you, Lisa for your comments and suggestions. Yes, you are right that that part doesn’t flow as well, and we could use it as the bridge (as suggested). I appreciate all your comments. Thank you…
February 21, 2018
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You were kind enough to comment on one of my songs and I would love to offer you some sort of feedback in return, but I’m afraid I’m not your target audience for this one. Therefore, any observation I might make is pretty worthless, so I’m going to limit it to just this:
I liked the tag line for the chorus, it was my favorite line in the song. And being the title line, that is how it should be. But I never quite understood how the sentiment expressed in that line fit with the rest of your narrator’s story. It seemed to me to be the kind of line you’d use on a song where the relationship started out problematic, but over time, obstacles were overcome. Here you seem to be using it on a song where things started out nice and ended up crashing and burning—structurally, the exact opposite. I went back and reread the lyrics and I still can’t make the connection, so I’m missing something there.
But I’m old, and that sort of thing happens to me more and more often these days.
I’ll keep an eye out for your next post. Good luck.
February 23, 2018
This song sort of has a Red Hot Chili Peppers style in my opinion! I think with more production, such as drums the full effect would be achieved. Alt-rock. Neat that you wrote something like this.
March 04, 2018
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Cool song. Limp Biskit came to my mind. I like the chorus most. The pre chorus part sounds kinda weird. The lyric of the first verse and pre chorus feels to me a bit cliche, falling behind the rest of the lyric. In this genre you can be less distinct.
March 07, 2018
Thanks Frank. And yes you are right about this genre that you can get away with more. We started off by trying to write a country song, but it wanted to be something else, more indie-rock than anything. Thanks for your comments, will take a look at the song, and see if we can improve it for the good.
March 08, 2018
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AS BEAUTIFUL AS IT GETS
Copyright Reserved by Gordon Donaldson / Olli Koskela 2018/18/1
YESTERDAY MY HEART JUST DIED
YOU WERE ITCHIN´ TO LEAVE
I DIDN´T WANNA CRY
WHEN YOU STEPPED OUTSIDE AND CLOSED THE DOOR
I COULDN´T HOLD BACK THE TEARS ANYMORE
I WRAP MY ARMS AROUND ME
PRETEND WE´RE DANCIN´ SLOW
AS OUR SONG IS PLAYIN´ ON THE RADIO
TWO SOULS BOUND TO NOWHERE
TWO HEARTS BUILT A HOME ON A DIME
FULL OF DREAMS
WE BOTH KNEW THIS COLD WORLD WOUDNT´STOP AND LISTEN
BUT IN THE END IT WAS AS BEAUTIFUL AS IT GETS
NOW I BURY MYSELF
IN THE FIRE AND LET IT BURN
I KNOW I´LL BE FINE
SO DON´T BE CONCERNED
WHEN TOO MANY THINGS REMIND ME OF YOU
I FIND SOLACE IN SOLITUDE
I WRAP MY ARMS ´ROUND A MEMORY
WE SWAY REAL SLOW
UNTIL IT´S TIME TO LET GO
CHORUS
BREAK
A HEARTBREAK GOES BOTH WAYS
THE THINGS WE LEAVE BEHIND
WILL GIVE US A NEW DAY
CHORUS
1
Do you have the lyrics? It is kind of hard for me to understand the words. I like the oooh in the background.
February 18, 2018
1
I love the verse melody and chords. I love the chorus melody and chords. The ‘in-between’ threw me a little. Not in a bad way, but it almost felt like a different song for a quick second. I may be inclined to use that section as a bridge only and remove it between the verse and chorus to see if it makes the melody flow better. I am a singer and lyrics still are a challenge to me (hence why I am here on Frettie), so I listen and tend to give feedback on that first. I’m going to leave the lyrical feedback to the pros. I can’t wait to hear the final product with production. I can definitely hear the growling guitars.
February 21, 2018
0
Thank you, Lisa for your comments and suggestions. Yes, you are right that that part doesn’t flow as well, and we could use it as the bridge (as suggested). I appreciate all your comments. Thank you…
February 21, 2018
1
You were kind enough to comment on one of my songs and I would love to offer you some sort of feedback in return, but I’m afraid I’m not your target audience for this one. Therefore, any observation I might make is pretty worthless, so I’m going to limit it to just this:
I liked the tag line for the chorus, it was my favorite line in the song. And being the title line, that is how it should be. But I never quite understood how the sentiment expressed in that line fit with the rest of your narrator’s story. It seemed to me to be the kind of line you’d use on a song where the relationship started out problematic, but over time, obstacles were overcome. Here you seem to be using it on a song where things started out nice and ended up crashing and burning—structurally, the exact opposite. I went back and reread the lyrics and I still can’t make the connection, so I’m missing something there.
But I’m old, and that sort of thing happens to me more and more often these days.
I’ll keep an eye out for your next post. Good luck.
February 23, 2018
0
This song sort of has a Red Hot Chili Peppers style in my opinion! I think with more production, such as drums the full effect would be achieved. Alt-rock. Neat that you wrote something like this.
March 04, 2018
1
Cool song. Limp Biskit came to my mind. I like the chorus most. The pre chorus part sounds kinda weird. The lyric of the first verse and pre chorus feels to me a bit cliche, falling behind the rest of the lyric. In this genre you can be less distinct.
March 07, 2018
0
Thanks Frank. And yes you are right about this genre that you can get away with more. We started off by trying to write a country song, but it wanted to be something else, more indie-rock than anything. Thanks for your comments, will take a look at the song, and see if we can improve it for the good.
March 08, 2018
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Ani Bergman
Do you have the lyrics? It is kind of hard for me to understand the words. I like the oooh in the background.
February 18, 2018