This is my Nashville hymn! It's based on a true experience. I was in Nashville as a tourist and entered a Honky Tonk at lunch time. I was served by a young girl and we had a little chat. Later she entered the stage and sang some of her songs.
The singer on my demo is Brittini Black, one of those demo singers I really don't understand why they are no big stars. She has everything and I'm proud that she sang my song.
Any constructive feedback welcome!
Thank you for your feedback Ani. Once someone wants to cut the song again I will consider your suggestions.
I’m not a professional, but I had a lot of help from professionals. My friend Dave is a great producer and the credit is due to him and the singer Brittini.
February 10, 2018
Hi Frank
I really like the storyline and it has a really catchy rhythm and vibe.
I was kind of looking for a wrap up in the “bridge”(?) and found the new thought of her being lonely and maybe ending up with a bitter sweet song to sing didn’t quite fit.
Just my thoughts - but overall I really liked it.
Dave and Brittini both did a marvellous job too.
Best wishes for it’s success getting cut.
Cheers
Sonya
February 12, 2018
Hard to imagine English isn’t your native tongue. It’s a sweet song. I like it.
I’d be hard-pressed to find any critical suggestions for the verse and chorus that wouldn’t be nit-picky things. But if you ever want to tinker with the piece again, like Sonya, I think the bridge was the weak link. But unlike Sonya, I kind of liked how the bridge ended up back at the songwriting theme. I think the problem was that loneliness and love-lives are new topics and how do you introduce those into a bridge without making it feel like you’ve suddenly changed the subject?
February 14, 2018
Hi, Frank! Thanks for sharing this song with us! I like the title right off the bat. Made me interested in hearing the song before I even hit “play.”
I like that there’s some tempo. Tempo usually wins. So good job there.
The lyric makes sense, it follows a logical story. Nothing wrong that I can see.
However, it feels like a song an outsider could write. I’m missing those little details that would make a Nashville publisher or artist say, “Yep! That’s real!” Not that there’s anything “not real” about this, but the power is in the little details. I think that would take this solid song to the next level. But, again, it’s solid already.
Hope that helps! Please take a moment to leave a comment on another writer’s song. It doesn’t have to be super-detailed or anything. Just a thought or two about the song. (Also, the best way to GET feedback is to GIVE feedback.) Thanks!
February 14, 2018
Frank this is a great song and I can totally relate as I can imagine so many other young girls can as well. Nice work!!!
February 15, 2018
Thank you all for your comments! Always helpful to get feedback and stuff to think about.
... and I’m really happy about Mikalyns comment! To say ‘I can totally relate’ - is the biggest compliment you can give for a lyric. Thank you!
February 15, 2018
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I like the line ‘for mom it’s like going to war’. My parents thought the same thing when I moved to the West Coast.
February 21, 2018
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Like the idea Frank. I really expected the bridge to be something different than it was. I actually thought she might be a street player playing for tips. Good melody and idea.
February 23, 2018
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Yep, this is a neat one Frank! Very nice! I’m a sucker for a cool title, so that made me open this one right on up. -A very relatable story here. Everything makes perfect sense to me in it. And once again, I like the production on this one as well.
I’d like to somehow hear it with a bit more modern day slang, or “younger phrasing” if you will. I know any female artist could sing it ‘as is’ now, and that’s great. But I think if it had just a bit more current day wording, it might could really turn some heads.
Hope this helps. Good luck with it!
April 04, 2018
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Hi Shane - you are really busy with your reviews - thank you! Yo may have noticed that I’m German. English is my second language I’ve learned it in school and later on the job. But that ‘modern day slang’ or ‘younger phrasing’ - that is something rather difficult for me. I try to learn that from other songs or from posts on the internet, but that’s not the same as your daily speaking, that is my handicap. Glad that you like the song!
April 05, 2018
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Hahaha- Sorry. But that’s what ya get for putting all these songs on Frettie Frank! No, I knew you were from Germany. I think you do a great job of making these fit right in here. That “modern day, younger, hipster” lingo is tough for most, and definitely for me as well due to my age! Rap/Pop has certainly made it’s impact on the genre over here.- Let me know if you run across a book on it! ......But hey, NOT the German version please!- LOL
April 05, 2018
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1
Sometimes the chorus doesn’t flow as nicely (who am I, new musician, consider the source). Maybe add 1 syllable to the chorus lyrics. Like “You hold on and keep the faith.” and maybe another word to the line “it may end up in a bittersweet song.” But, it is great, beautiful. When I listen to your songs, they sound so professional. Great job.
February 10, 2018
1
Thank you for your feedback Ani. Once someone wants to cut the song again I will consider your suggestions.
I’m not a professional, but I had a lot of help from professionals. My friend Dave is a great producer and the credit is due to him and the singer Brittini.
February 10, 2018
1
Hi Frank
I really like the storyline and it has a really catchy rhythm and vibe.
I was kind of looking for a wrap up in the “bridge”(?) and found the new thought of her being lonely and maybe ending up with a bitter sweet song to sing didn’t quite fit.
Just my thoughts - but overall I really liked it.
Dave and Brittini both did a marvellous job too.
Best wishes for it’s success getting cut.
Cheers
Sonya
February 12, 2018
1
Hard to imagine English isn’t your native tongue. It’s a sweet song. I like it.
I’d be hard-pressed to find any critical suggestions for the verse and chorus that wouldn’t be nit-picky things. But if you ever want to tinker with the piece again, like Sonya, I think the bridge was the weak link. But unlike Sonya, I kind of liked how the bridge ended up back at the songwriting theme. I think the problem was that loneliness and love-lives are new topics and how do you introduce those into a bridge without making it feel like you’ve suddenly changed the subject?
February 14, 2018
1
Hi, Frank! Thanks for sharing this song with us! I like the title right off the bat. Made me interested in hearing the song before I even hit “play.”
I like that there’s some tempo. Tempo usually wins. So good job there.
The lyric makes sense, it follows a logical story. Nothing wrong that I can see.
However, it feels like a song an outsider could write. I’m missing those little details that would make a Nashville publisher or artist say, “Yep! That’s real!” Not that there’s anything “not real” about this, but the power is in the little details. I think that would take this solid song to the next level. But, again, it’s solid already.
Hope that helps! Please take a moment to leave a comment on another writer’s song. It doesn’t have to be super-detailed or anything. Just a thought or two about the song. (Also, the best way to GET feedback is to GIVE feedback.) Thanks!
February 14, 2018
1
Frank this is a great song and I can totally relate as I can imagine so many other young girls can as well. Nice work!!!
February 15, 2018
0
Thank you all for your comments! Always helpful to get feedback and stuff to think about.
... and I’m really happy about Mikalyns comment! To say ‘I can totally relate’ - is the biggest compliment you can give for a lyric. Thank you!
February 15, 2018
0
I like the line ‘for mom it’s like going to war’. My parents thought the same thing when I moved to the West Coast.
February 21, 2018
0
Like the idea Frank. I really expected the bridge to be something different than it was. I actually thought she might be a street player playing for tips. Good melody and idea.
February 23, 2018
0
Yep, this is a neat one Frank! Very nice! I’m a sucker for a cool title, so that made me open this one right on up. -A very relatable story here. Everything makes perfect sense to me in it. And once again, I like the production on this one as well.
I’d like to somehow hear it with a bit more modern day slang, or “younger phrasing” if you will. I know any female artist could sing it ‘as is’ now, and that’s great. But I think if it had just a bit more current day wording, it might could really turn some heads.
Hope this helps. Good luck with it!
April 04, 2018
0
Hi Shane - you are really busy with your reviews - thank you! Yo may have noticed that I’m German. English is my second language I’ve learned it in school and later on the job. But that ‘modern day slang’ or ‘younger phrasing’ - that is something rather difficult for me. I try to learn that from other songs or from posts on the internet, but that’s not the same as your daily speaking, that is my handicap. Glad that you like the song!
April 05, 2018
0
Hahaha- Sorry. But that’s what ya get for putting all these songs on Frettie Frank! No, I knew you were from Germany. I think you do a great job of making these fit right in here. That “modern day, younger, hipster” lingo is tough for most, and definitely for me as well due to my age! Rap/Pop has certainly made it’s impact on the genre over here.- Let me know if you run across a book on it! ......But hey, NOT the German version please!- LOL
April 05, 2018
Girl with the Guitar Case
Growing up in a small town
can be though for a girly teen
she starts writing songs
and is a karaoke queen
Heading down to Nashville
for mom it’s like going to war
but her dad spends a monthly salary
for a nice Martin guitar
Her head’s filled up with fresh tunes
music’s running through her veins
And when she’s out of money
she’s not one who complains
See her walking down broadway
with a big smile on her face
Hold on and keep the faith
Girl with the guitar case
At daytime she’s a waitress
in a Honky Tonk bar
sometimes she climbs the stage
to feel like a rising star
She’s working on her own songs
and rehearsing day by day
to stand in line for an open mike
at the Bluebird Cafe
Her head’s filled up with fresh tunes
music’s running through her veins
And when she’s out of money
she’s not one who complains
See her walking down broadway
with a big smile on her face
Hold on and keep the faith
Girl with the guitar case
From time to time she feels so lost in this town
so tired of walking her way all alone
but whenever she falls in love with someone
it may end up in a bittersweet song
Her head’s filled up with fresh tunes
music’s running through her veins
And when she’s out of money
she’s not one who complains
See her walking down broadway
with a big smile on her face
Hold on and keep the faith
Girl with the guitar case
Hold on and keep the faith
Girl with the guitar case
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1
Ani Bergman
Sometimes the chorus doesn’t flow as nicely (who am I, new musician, consider the source). Maybe add 1 syllable to the chorus lyrics. Like “You hold on and keep the faith.” and maybe another word to the line “it may end up in a bittersweet song.” But, it is great, beautiful. When I listen to your songs, they sound so professional. Great job.
February 10, 2018