This is a 'never give up' song. The lyrics are universal and meant to inspire the listener to keep at it. Even if you aren't winning... keep chipping away until you can "Rise Again".
General song feedback / comments are welcome
Hey Lisa, thanks for posting!
At first blush this feels more like a easy listening/pop song than a country pop song.
I like the melody and the production quality of the song.
If you are looking for suggestions for improvement I would say a couple of things…
1. I would like to hear some sense bound language in the verses, something to take me, as the listener, into the song and make me feel it. Right now your audience is only the person who feels this way as you sing directly to the person who has “fallen”. If you take me into the story with sense bound language I can become interested in their story to want to hear what comes next.
2. There is some mixing of metaphors that makes the message a little disjointed.
Going back to the table and Rolling the dice are gambling metaphors (I think. Not sure about going back to the table for sure).
Step up to the plate, swing, hit, game are all baseball metaphor.
Stay the course is a boat metaphor and then throwing in the towel is a boxing metaphor.
If you could pick one metaphor and really develop it along with some sense bound language I think you could make a good song into a great song.
Hope that helps. You are definitely on the right track!
February 10, 2018
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I’m inclined to agree with James. (I tried to ‘Like’ his comment, but the website wouldn’t accept it for some reason.)
I’m not a big fan of ‘message’ songs, but I do think you have a nice chorus and a lovely voice. Good luck with it.
February 18, 2018
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Hi Lisa, I ‘ve listened to your song and l think it is well structured and fits quite well into the modern Country - Pop genre. I think you cold improve the song if you would bring in some more contrast. Every line of the song is more or less saying the same thing: Rise again! It’s a bit boring. If you would show in the verses in an unique way how someone get’s beaten by real life (e.g. looses his job, his marriage, his money….) then the chorus would punch in better. You are a great singer! Keep on!
February 20, 2018
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Thanks everyone for the feedback. I’m generally getting mixed feelings from this song. People who aren’t songwriters seem to like that it has that universal appeal, whereas songwriters want me to dig in more deeply. I get it. I do. I am inclined to make some lyrical changes as I have been thinking more about all the feedback I’ve been given. Thank you for taking the time to give your thoughts… I always take all critique into consideration. The good, the bad, the ugly. LOL.
February 21, 2018
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The melody sounds catchy. The lyrics have a good flow. I do understand some of Frank’s feedback. One way to really highlight the overcoming of struggles is to outline what some of the struggles are. Contrasts between dark and light can help, especially when you see all the obstacles that have been or will be overcome. That way being triumphant is more appreciated. This song is very good and has a very strong framework.
April 11, 2018
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So you didn’t win
Doesn’t mean it’s ending, my friend.
Time to reflect
Go back to the table and vent.
Take a little break
Don’t let it get you down again.
It’s gonna be nice
When it all falls in place.
You just gotta try
Keep rolling the dice.
You’ll feel a little tired
But you’ll come charging back again.
Though you’ve fallen, though you’ve fallen.
It doesn’t mean that it has to end
You’ll rise a.. you’ll rise a… you’ll rise again.
Though you’ve fallen, though you’ve fallen
It doesn’t mean that it has to end
You’ll rise a… you’ll rise again.
Step up to the plate
Go ahead and take that swing.
A hit’s all it takes
To get you back in the game.
Stay the course
Cause you are too close to throw the towel in.
Now is not the time
To give up or quit .
You gotta have faith
You’ll be back on your feet again.
Never give in
You’ll regret you ever did.
Though you’ve fallen, though you’ve fallen.
It doesn’t mean that it has to end
You’ll rise a.. you’ll rise a… you’ll rise again.
Though you’ve fallen, though you’ve fallen
It doesn’t mean that it has to end
You’ll rise a… you’ll rise again.
When you’re feeling like you can’t go on.
You’ve got to stand up and
Rise….
Though you’ve fallen, though you’ve fallen.
It doesn’t mean that it has to end
You’ll rise a.. you’ll rise a… you’ll rise again.
Though you’ve fallen, though you’ve fallen
It doesn’t mean that it has to end
You’ll rise a… you’ll rise again.
0
Hey Lisa, thanks for posting!
At first blush this feels more like a easy listening/pop song than a country pop song.
I like the melody and the production quality of the song.
If you are looking for suggestions for improvement I would say a couple of things…
1. I would like to hear some sense bound language in the verses, something to take me, as the listener, into the song and make me feel it. Right now your audience is only the person who feels this way as you sing directly to the person who has “fallen”. If you take me into the story with sense bound language I can become interested in their story to want to hear what comes next.
2. There is some mixing of metaphors that makes the message a little disjointed.
Going back to the table and Rolling the dice are gambling metaphors (I think. Not sure about going back to the table for sure).
Step up to the plate, swing, hit, game are all baseball metaphor.
Stay the course is a boat metaphor and then throwing in the towel is a boxing metaphor.
If you could pick one metaphor and really develop it along with some sense bound language I think you could make a good song into a great song.
Hope that helps. You are definitely on the right track!
February 10, 2018
0
I’m inclined to agree with James. (I tried to ‘Like’ his comment, but the website wouldn’t accept it for some reason.)
I’m not a big fan of ‘message’ songs, but I do think you have a nice chorus and a lovely voice. Good luck with it.
February 18, 2018
0
Hi Lisa, I ‘ve listened to your song and l think it is well structured and fits quite well into the modern Country - Pop genre. I think you cold improve the song if you would bring in some more contrast. Every line of the song is more or less saying the same thing: Rise again! It’s a bit boring. If you would show in the verses in an unique way how someone get’s beaten by real life (e.g. looses his job, his marriage, his money….) then the chorus would punch in better. You are a great singer! Keep on!
February 20, 2018
0
Thanks everyone for the feedback. I’m generally getting mixed feelings from this song. People who aren’t songwriters seem to like that it has that universal appeal, whereas songwriters want me to dig in more deeply. I get it. I do. I am inclined to make some lyrical changes as I have been thinking more about all the feedback I’ve been given. Thank you for taking the time to give your thoughts… I always take all critique into consideration. The good, the bad, the ugly. LOL.
February 21, 2018
0
The melody sounds catchy. The lyrics have a good flow. I do understand some of Frank’s feedback. One way to really highlight the overcoming of struggles is to outline what some of the struggles are. Contrasts between dark and light can help, especially when you see all the obstacles that have been or will be overcome. That way being triumphant is more appreciated. This song is very good and has a very strong framework.
April 11, 2018
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Kay Williams/Mott
Great writing! Really nice demo, vocal, commercial sounding:)
February 09, 2018
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