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Once in a Lifetime Girl

Frank Renfordt

February 03, 2018

Genre: Country

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About This Song


It's just a love song about 'that' girl. It was a quick write - no rewrites - while I was lying in hospital with an injured leg. I had no guitar to play, but the melody was always on my mind.The singer is Matt Dame. Dave Demay helped me editing the lyric and produced the demo.

Feedback Requested


I always try to improve my skills and I'm open for any piece of advice ... and if you just like it - you will make me smile.


8 Responses


Ani Bergman

I really liked it.  Great recording.

February 05, 2018

Joseph Guerra

Your my royal flush in a poker game
Name on the wall in the hall of fame
a sideline ticket for the super bowl
My hole in one on a par 5 hole


Needle I found in a haystack
the triple crown trophy at the horsetrack
a precious pearl
My once in a lifetime girl

WHAT GREAT LYRICS, CAN I BORROW THEM JUST KIDDING AND THE MUSIC FLOWS AROUND THEM ALSO, TO ME THAT’S CLOSE HIT  

February 06, 2018

Frank Renfordt

Thanks Joseph, being rejected so often, your words are very helpful keeping my spirits up.

February 07, 2018

No members have liked this comment.

Joseph Guerra

That is a tough one to hold your spirits up Frank, Keep the faith in yourself it’s just simply great I love it

February 10, 2018

Kyle Mercer

I listened to this post the day it came in and have thought about the song off and on ever since. I enjoy puzzling over things sometimes and wound up making a lot of notes. And while I hesitate to critique a song after the demo has been produced, you were kind enough to offer some straight-up feedback on one of my pieces and you’ve asked for comments, so I’ll pass on a few:

1) I agree with Joseph, the chorus is very catchy—I like it. But I noticed it threw me off a little on the initial pass when, after being presented with a series of gambling references in the first verse and first line of the chorus, the allusions suddenly shifted to a series of sports metaphors. And the haystack needle line is kind of a cliche.

2) Shifting and indefinite rhyme/non-rhyme patterns in both the first and second verses kept distracting my ear and taking me out of the song. And abandoning your once-in-a-lifetime theme in the second verse to tell us how routine events now suddenly feel very special seems to me to be one of those paint-yourself-in-a-corner good ideas. It creates contrast, but left you stuck trying to put walking into a room and smelling perfume on the same emotional level with Triple Crown winners and 5 par hole-in-ones—a hard comparison to sell that I felt left the song sagging a bit in the middle.

3) I love the way you welded the two final choruses together in the song’s conclusion. But the bridge winds up feeling a little like ‘filler’ to me, probably because you’ve got a story song with the climax sitting at the end of the second verse and the bridge winds up stuck between your climax and conclusion with no real story function to serve - you’ve already said everything that needed to be said storywise and how are you going to provide an emotional highlight higher than the honeymoon bed?

Now, I don’t fit the profile for a typical country music audience and my songwriting skills are minimal at best. So any observations I might have are probably pretty worthless. And the demo is cut. But should you by chance care to see a more detailed explanation of exactly what I thought and why I think I thought it, drop me an email at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) and I’ll send you my notes.

Thanks for your comments on ‘Redneck Girl’, good luck with this piece and I hope your leg healed up okay.

February 14, 2018

Frank Renfordt

Hi Kyle, I appreciate you took the time to give me such a detailed feedback! It’s a finished demo and for the moment I will not make any changes, but the good thing is - the next song is not written yet - right? And so I can learn from any feedback given. You certainly mentioned some of the weak points; the lyric is not perfect, but for me it felt flowing quite well and so I stayed with it without thinking too much about it. Perfectionism is not always good, because you may end up never finishing a song.

Actually there is a rhyme pattern, however it’s a bit tricky, it’s AAXABBXA and then the pre chorus has three inner rhymes (CCC) and ends again on A.The second verse has only four lines, so it’s AAXA (CCC) A I’ve tried to avoid perfect rhymes to get a better contrast to the chorus.

The lines in the chorus are all focusing on things that probably happen only once in a lifetime (if at all) to support the hook line. I guess it would be boring to stay with the gambling theme all through the chorus.

In todays country music it’s quite common to use only a very short bridge with one or two lines and it’s hard to put a lot of meaning in it, but I agree my bridge is not the strongest part of the song.

Thank you again for your comments and yes - I’m okay again!

February 15, 2018

No members have liked this comment.

Kyle Mercer

Okay, so the near rhymes threw me - especially on that kind of a pattern. I’m getting old and I’m not as smart as I used to be. My ear heard ‘my life/my slice’ and assumed you were shooting for a simple XAXA that would be continued. And when it wasn’t, I thought, “My bad, he’s going for a non-rhyming verse” and I was very impressed with how well you had handled that and yes, how it gave the chorus that much more punch. And the ideas do flow nicely and lead into the first line of the chorus very well.

And I do like the chorus, It still pops into my head sometimes. It was just that first iteration where it caught my ear for a second. (I’m self-editing a couple of short stories and a short novel right now, so it’s hard for me to read anything without wanting to whip my blue pencil out.)

I missed the third internal rhyme in the pre-chorus but I see it now. It was when the pre-chorus came around the second time and ‘bet’ got swapped out for ‘bed’ that my ear was disappointed—cause I really liked that yet/bet exact rhyme in the first pre-chorus. I thought that worked very well. And I think using a near-homonym in the second iteration made my disappointment worse.

And I apologize for cluttering up your comments column like this, but I find trying to explain why I think what I think helps me learn sometimes. And I learned several things with this song. So thank you. I’ll be keeping an eye out for your next post.

February 15, 2018

Lisa Caterbone

The production, instruments and vocals are all very well done!  I live in Vegas, so gambling is something I am familiar with and don’t do often because I hardly ever win win.  wink

I don’t mind the sports metaphors, but if you wanted to stick to more of a gambling theme, you could make some small changes to the lyrics to revolve around sports gambling. But, again, I don’t mind those metaphors (and have been guilty of mixing metaphors in my own music.)

Love the song!

February 21, 2018

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1

Ani Bergman

I really liked it.  Great recording.

February 05, 2018

1

Joseph Guerra

Your my royal flush in a poker game
Name on the wall in the hall of fame
a sideline ticket for the super bowl
My hole in one on a par 5 hole


Needle I found in a haystack
the triple crown trophy at the horsetrack
a precious pearl
My once in a lifetime girl

WHAT GREAT LYRICS, CAN I BORROW THEM JUST KIDDING AND THE MUSIC FLOWS AROUND THEM ALSO, TO ME THAT’S CLOSE HIT  

February 06, 2018

0

Frank Renfordt

Thanks Joseph, being rejected so often, your words are very helpful keeping my spirits up.

February 07, 2018

1

Joseph Guerra

That is a tough one to hold your spirits up Frank, Keep the faith in yourself it’s just simply great I love it

February 10, 2018

1

Kyle Mercer

I listened to this post the day it came in and have thought about the song off and on ever since. I enjoy puzzling over things sometimes and wound up making a lot of notes. And while I hesitate to critique a song after the demo has been produced, you were kind enough to offer some straight-up feedback on one of my pieces and you’ve asked for comments, so I’ll pass on a few:

1) I agree with Joseph, the chorus is very catchy—I like it. But I noticed it threw me off a little on the initial pass when, after being presented with a series of gambling references in the first verse and first line of the chorus, the allusions suddenly shifted to a series of sports metaphors. And the haystack needle line is kind of a cliche.

2) Shifting and indefinite rhyme/non-rhyme patterns in both the first and second verses kept distracting my ear and taking me out of the song. And abandoning your once-in-a-lifetime theme in the second verse to tell us how routine events now suddenly feel very special seems to me to be one of those paint-yourself-in-a-corner good ideas. It creates contrast, but left you stuck trying to put walking into a room and smelling perfume on the same emotional level with Triple Crown winners and 5 par hole-in-ones—a hard comparison to sell that I felt left the song sagging a bit in the middle.

3) I love the way you welded the two final choruses together in the song’s conclusion. But the bridge winds up feeling a little like ‘filler’ to me, probably because you’ve got a story song with the climax sitting at the end of the second verse and the bridge winds up stuck between your climax and conclusion with no real story function to serve - you’ve already said everything that needed to be said storywise and how are you going to provide an emotional highlight higher than the honeymoon bed?

Now, I don’t fit the profile for a typical country music audience and my songwriting skills are minimal at best. So any observations I might have are probably pretty worthless. And the demo is cut. But should you by chance care to see a more detailed explanation of exactly what I thought and why I think I thought it, drop me an email at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) and I’ll send you my notes.

Thanks for your comments on ‘Redneck Girl’, good luck with this piece and I hope your leg healed up okay.

February 14, 2018

0

Frank Renfordt

Hi Kyle, I appreciate you took the time to give me such a detailed feedback! It’s a finished demo and for the moment I will not make any changes, but the good thing is - the next song is not written yet - right? And so I can learn from any feedback given. You certainly mentioned some of the weak points; the lyric is not perfect, but for me it felt flowing quite well and so I stayed with it without thinking too much about it. Perfectionism is not always good, because you may end up never finishing a song.

Actually there is a rhyme pattern, however it’s a bit tricky, it’s AAXABBXA and then the pre chorus has three inner rhymes (CCC) and ends again on A.The second verse has only four lines, so it’s AAXA (CCC) A I’ve tried to avoid perfect rhymes to get a better contrast to the chorus.

The lines in the chorus are all focusing on things that probably happen only once in a lifetime (if at all) to support the hook line. I guess it would be boring to stay with the gambling theme all through the chorus.

In todays country music it’s quite common to use only a very short bridge with one or two lines and it’s hard to put a lot of meaning in it, but I agree my bridge is not the strongest part of the song.

Thank you again for your comments and yes - I’m okay again!

February 15, 2018

1

Kyle Mercer

Okay, so the near rhymes threw me - especially on that kind of a pattern. I’m getting old and I’m not as smart as I used to be. My ear heard ‘my life/my slice’ and assumed you were shooting for a simple XAXA that would be continued. And when it wasn’t, I thought, “My bad, he’s going for a non-rhyming verse” and I was very impressed with how well you had handled that and yes, how it gave the chorus that much more punch. And the ideas do flow nicely and lead into the first line of the chorus very well.

And I do like the chorus, It still pops into my head sometimes. It was just that first iteration where it caught my ear for a second. (I’m self-editing a couple of short stories and a short novel right now, so it’s hard for me to read anything without wanting to whip my blue pencil out.)

I missed the third internal rhyme in the pre-chorus but I see it now. It was when the pre-chorus came around the second time and ‘bet’ got swapped out for ‘bed’ that my ear was disappointed—cause I really liked that yet/bet exact rhyme in the first pre-chorus. I thought that worked very well. And I think using a near-homonym in the second iteration made my disappointment worse.

And I apologize for cluttering up your comments column like this, but I find trying to explain why I think what I think helps me learn sometimes. And I learned several things with this song. So thank you. I’ll be keeping an eye out for your next post.

February 15, 2018

0

Lisa Caterbone

The production, instruments and vocals are all very well done!  I live in Vegas, so gambling is something I am familiar with and don’t do often because I hardly ever win win.  wink

I don’t mind the sports metaphors, but if you wanted to stick to more of a gambling theme, you could make some small changes to the lyrics to revolve around sports gambling. But, again, I don’t mind those metaphors (and have been guilty of mixing metaphors in my own music.)

Love the song!

February 21, 2018


Once in a Lifetime Girl

Written by Frank Renfordt

Once in a Lifetime Girl

Have been to Vegas for a dozen times
But never hit a number in my life 

Scratched off tickets like a maniac

Desperate to get my slice

Trying to rise above the ordinary 

Lady Luck didn't care about me 

‘Till the day that you showed up 

Here by my side
And I can't get my head around it yet

But I guess I won the biggest bet of my life

You're my royal flush in a poker game

My name on the wall in a Hall of Fame 

My sideline ticket for the Super Bowl

My hole in one on a par 5 hole

The needle that I found in a haystack
The Triple Crown Trophy at the horse track

A precious pearl

My once in a lifetime girl

Now life feels like a paradise preview 

And every time when you enter the room 

You make me feel like a billionaire

Smelling your perfume
I can't get my head around it yet

Finding me with you in a bed on a honeymoon

You're my royal flush in a poker game

My name on the wall in a Hall of Fame 

My sideline ticket for the Super Bowl

My hole in one on a par 5 hole

The needle that I found in a haystack 

The Triple Crown Trophy at the horse track 

My precious pearl

My once in a lifetime girl

Baby the sweetest thing in the world is you 

My once in a lifetime girl

You're my royal flush in a poker game

My name on the wall in a Hall of Fame 

My sideline ticket for the Super Bowl

My hole in one on a par 5 hole

You're the needle that I found in a haystack 

The Triple Crown Trophy at the horse track 

You’re my precious pearl
You're my royal flush in a poker game

My name on the wall in a Hall of Fame

My sideline ticket for the Super Bowl

My hole in one on a par 5 hole

The needle that I found in a haystack 

The Triple Crown Trophy at the horse track 

A precious pearl

My once in a lifetime girl 

My once in a lifetime girl

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