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A friend went through a breakup and asked for some time alone to process. This song is when his bff tells him the time for self pity is over.
I'm new to song writing and this is a work in progress so all feedback is very much appreciated. Thank you.
maybe take a look at the syllable count per line for each verse. Try to not be more then 1 or 2 syllables off per line compared to 1st vs 2nd verse…That’s what I have been getting critiqued on in a lot of my song’s. But at end of day my best advice ...write from the heart and keep posting for feedback. There are so many great song writer’s on here Tony True is a great example of a great song writer..Check his stuff out .
January 29, 2018
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Don’t Look Surprised
Thank God you finally called,
I dropped everything and I came
I’ve been wearing a track out on the floor
Stomach knotted with your pain.
The scent of whisky in the air
The stubble on your face
When did you last wash yourself?
How long have you been awake?
(Chorus)
Look at me
You’re not alone
I need you to understand
Unlike her, I wont walk out
I’m here, I’ll hold your hand
Don’t look surprised, did you really think
Drawn curtains would hide this mess?
And no, I don’t mean all the dirty plates
And the trash up on the bench.
I let you be because you asked
But you have to admit it’s time
To stand up and take back control
Start living your new life
Look at me
You’re not alone
I need you to understand
Unlike her, I wont leave
I’m here, I’ll hold your hand
(Bridge)
Look outside, feel the warmth
Of the sunlight on your face
That new day awaits you
Time to take your place
Look at me
You’re not alone
I need you to understand
Unlike her, I wont walk out
I’m here, I’ll hold your hand
Look at me
You’re not alone
Now you understand
I’m not going anywhere
I’m here, you hold my hand.
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maybe take a look at the syllable count per line for each verse. Try to not be more then 1 or 2 syllables off per line compared to 1st vs 2nd verse…That’s what I have been getting critiqued on in a lot of my song’s. But at end of day my best advice ...write from the heart and keep posting for feedback. There are so many great song writer’s on here Tony True is a great example of a great song writer..Check his stuff out .
January 29, 2018
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Tony True
Some good imagery in here looks like you have a good start on things.
January 26, 2018
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