Tony True

Kevin,

A nice song and melody but a few things I caught are below.  I hope you don’t take offence to anything as I really do like the song I’m just trying to pass on the little bit I feel I do know about song writing.

1. The verse rhyme is not very obvious to me…and it seems to be different between the verses.  As in the rhyme structure has changed.

2. In the verse the lines don’t match up to well as you can see I have put syllable numbers for each verse line and they are different for each verse, in my understanding they should be close, within 1-2 syllables of the same line from the other verse.  So if line 1 of V1 is 10 syllables then line 1 of V2 should be 10 as well, maybe 11 or 9 etc.

3. There are a few places where the lyrics could be cleaned up like for instance…
”We were young full of life and full of dreams” – the word full twice in the same line is a bit redundant…maybe try.
“We were young full of life sharing our dreams” It also tells a little more about them…

4. And lastly I don’t get the rhyming scheme for the chorus…to me it’s not obvious anyway.

Verse
Well it was back in nineteen sixty three - 10
When I loved her and she loved me - 8
We were young full of life and full of dreams - 11
Now we had made our plans that summer day - 10
To tell her folks and move away - 8
We’d settle down somewhere and raise a family - 12
Yeah it was nineteen sixty three - 8

Chorus
With every ending there’s a beginning
And I think I’d like to begin my life with you
It may get hard now oh from time to time
But I know that you’re the only one for me
I knew it back in sixty three

Bridge
And with every ending to the story another one begins
Now the years they seem to drift on by like a long lost friend

Verse 2
Yea the children grown and moved away - 9
Your hair is silver and mine is grey - 9
We both knew this time would come someday - 9
Now the doctor says she’s fading fast - 9
You don’t have much time, so make it last - 9
So I hold her in my arms so carefully - 11
With no words I look into her eyes - 9
Holding back the tears I want to cry - 9
In her soft gentle voice I hear her say - 10

Chorus
With every ending there’s a beginning
And I think I’d like to begin my life with you

It may get hard now
oh from time to time
But I know that you’re the only one for me
I knew it back in sixty three
Back in sixty three

Sandra Lynn

HI there! Pretty song. I have always liked songs like this that tell the story of a lifetime of love. Check out “Waiting on June” by Holly Williams…..its a tearjerker that gets me every time!! To me, I feel that this song might carry more weight if we knew more about the people’s identities in the song. Maybe talk about the Vietnam war since its about the 60’s? Or maybe she was a teacher and he was a farmer? Anything. All we know is that they were two blank people who fell in love, but we dont know anything about who they were….perhaps if they had some qualities the listener could grab onto then it would bring the song from the black and white film era to color film if you know what I mean.

Kevin Fox

Thank You Tony, well that wasn’t to bad I appreciate it. I never really knew about the syllable count so thx for the info on that. Yea I get the rhyme isn’t strong on the chorus but it just felt right to me. But you bet I will be going back and looking at that. And I agree I could of used full of life and sharing dreams…NICE .....Thx Sir for the feedback much Success

Kevin Fox

Thx Sandra I guess I just left the story open for the listener to interpret. But since I have been listening to your all songs I’ve been learning Thank You so much

Michael R. J. Roth

Nice song, Kevin. I’m not so bothered by the rhyme scheme or the repetition of “full,” though they are things to consider, and craft is important. I wasn’t distracted by them, however.

One suggestion I would make is changing the title/hook from “Back in 63” to something else, maybe “With Every Ending.”  “Back in 63” fixes it in a way I don’t think it needs to be. Could be “a long, long time ago” or “forty years ago” or something like that. It just would give the song more flexibility. You’d have to change it throughout the song. So, “I knew it back in 63” would have be something like “when you looked at me,” just for example.

Writing out the lyric with the structure Tony has above will be very helpful to you, as he demonstrated. Reading it the way it is, I agree, makes it hard to follow metrically.

You can always make lyrics stronger through imagery, etc. As they say, show don’t tell. E.g., “It might get hard now oh from time to time” could be “You might shed a tear from time to time,” though I would suggest coming up with something better than that. Picture the guy, where is he, what’s he doing, holding something maybe, looking at a picture, remembering an incident, etc.

“Now the years they seem to slip on by like a long lost friend”—doesn’t work for me very well. If you keep it, it should be either “Time slips by like a long lost friend” or use “friends.” But to me the metaphor is a bit awkward.

But generally a good song for the boomer market I keep waiting to emerge. : )

Kevin Fox

Thank u Michael R.J.Roth for that feedback it is greatly appreciated. I love the suggestions that u have especially the long list friends ...I wish I would have had a co write on this. But hey I think I will go back and take a look at this one again ... thanks so much ..

Kay Williams/Mott

I love it!  I love the hook and the whole thing:).