This song was written about a man and woman who were married forever. They shared all the extreme ups and downs of marriage, but their love never waivered. They were in love right up to the end and I'm sure most of us can only hope we find a love as strong as theirs.
Structure, story, ect, any feedback appreciated.
Thx Brent Yeah I was needing some feedback on this one. I was getting ready to work up a demo with some guys on this so this will help THX
January 23, 2018
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Thinking about the time we spent together, working hard watching our children grow
Were living our life the best that we can. Its the story of this woman this man.
Lord knows we've been through so much and stayed strong
with a faith and love no one could understand
When times got hard we always had each other
Its the story of this woman this man.
I thank God each day I found you
You made my life so complete
Each night I lay down beside you
And watch you drift off to sleep
Now the years go by and she knows it's almost over, When Jesus will finally lead her Angel there.and it wont be long until she's beside him
She lay's down and whisper's darling I am right here.
He looks at her with a love that's undeniable
says your still as beautiful as you were that day.
and with his last breath he says I love you
She dries her eyes and says her last goodbye
I thank God each day I found you
You've made my life so complete
each night I've laid down beside you
and watch you drift off to sleep
It's the story of this woman this man
It's the story of this woman this man.
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Hi, Kevin! Thanks for sharing your song with us. Now, I’m not sure what your goal for this song or your songwriting is in general, but I have a few thoughts.
Commercially speaking, you’re putting your song in a tough spot by making the singer be an older man. There just aren’t many singers that would or could record a song from this point of view. Doesn’t make the song any better or worse as a song, but it does make it harder to get recorded.
In the verses you talk ABOUT her, but in the chorus you sing TO her. You want these to be consistent. Then in the next verse, HE is talking to her. You want to keep your point of view consistent. It’s going to be confusing and lessen the emotional impact of your song.
Hope that helps! Please take a moment to leave a comment on another writer’s song. It doesn’t have to be super-detailed or anything. Just a thought or two about the song. (Also, the best way to GET feedback is to GIVE feedback.) Thanks!
January 22, 2018
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Thx Brent Yeah I was needing some feedback on this one. I was getting ready to work up a demo with some guys on this so this will help THX
January 23, 2018
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Brent Baxter
Hi, Kevin! Thanks for sharing your song with us. Now, I’m not sure what your goal for this song or your songwriting is in general, but I have a few thoughts.
Commercially speaking, you’re putting your song in a tough spot by making the singer be an older man. There just aren’t many singers that would or could record a song from this point of view. Doesn’t make the song any better or worse as a song, but it does make it harder to get recorded.
In the verses you talk ABOUT her, but in the chorus you sing TO her. You want these to be consistent. Then in the next verse, HE is talking to her. You want to keep your point of view consistent. It’s going to be confusing and lessen the emotional impact of your song.
Hope that helps! Please take a moment to leave a comment on another writer’s song. It doesn’t have to be super-detailed or anything. Just a thought or two about the song. (Also, the best way to GET feedback is to GIVE feedback.) Thanks!
January 22, 2018
No members have liked this comment.