This was a line a friend said to me when he was about to get in trouble with his wife... "I gotta go or it's gonna be hot tongue and cold shoulder all the way home"...
Any feedback on the song would be welcome...It's how I learn...
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Hey, Tony! Thanks for sharing. It’s good to hear some swing again. It’s been a while. Fun.
The 3rd verse bumps for me. The time-jump is jarring (keep us in-the-moment), and it’s kind of contradicting itself if one one hand she says she’ll be gone, while on the other hand she says she’s going to be there to give him the cold shoulder.
You probably don’t even need a full 3rd verse, but if you still want to do one, I’d look for another in-the-moment place to go. Maybe something like “don’t put your hand on my hips or try to kiss my lips, till you treat me right, all you’re gonna get… is CHORUS.” Something like that to play off the body part theme. Just a thought. But it’s fun, feels good (but kinda old school if you’re aiming for current mainstream country).
Hope that helps! Please take a moment to leave a comment on another writer’s song. It doesn’t have to be super-detailed or anything. Just a thought or two about the song. (Also, the best way to GET feedback is to GIVE feedback.) Thanks!
January 09, 2018
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I adore this song deffinently has the swing tempo to it. I agree 3rd verse left me a little like huh. But I listened again and it works. I just love the hook . Great job cute
January 14, 2018
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Verse 1
We used to be so happy and you wanted to be around
Then your friends kept callin' you out on the town
Now the only time I see you is when you wanna eat
I've got some news for you boy I'm done takin' a back seat.
Chorus
And you'll get hot tongue and cold shoulder if you don't start to listen
And come home when I call you cause things round here need fixin'
You're gone out near every night and I'm tired of being alone
So it's hot tongue and cold shoulder till you start stayin' home
Verse 2
When we met you never drank you hated the stuff
Now every mornin' you get up you're lookin' mighty rough
I don't know what changed in you but it's got to go back soon
Or this life you're leadin' honey is bound to be our ruin
Chorus
And you'll get hot tongue and cold shoulder if you don't start to listen
And come home when I call you cause things round here need fixin'
You're gone out near every night and I'm tired of being alone
So it's hot tongue and cold shoulder till you start stayin' home
Verse 3
Now for a while things were good and back the way they were
But lately you've been sneakin' out thinking I'm unaware
One mornin' when you crawl in bed you'll find that I am gone
Cause no woman should put with this it's time for movin' on
Chorus
And you'll get hot tongue and cold shoulder if you don't start to listen
And come home when I call you cause things round here need fixin'
You're gone out near every night and I'm tired of being alone
So it's hot tongue and cold shoulder till you start stayin' home
Tony True
SOCAN & SODRAC - 2014
0
Not much to say to this, seems complete and excellent to me - love the line that inspired it, never heard that before and I thought it was great, funny but with the edge of truth, and seemed to be the song it deserved, again both funny and upbeat but with the edge of truth beneath it. I love the traditional sound to it all too Cheers!
January 07, 2018
0
Hey, Tony! Thanks for sharing. It’s good to hear some swing again. It’s been a while. Fun.
The 3rd verse bumps for me. The time-jump is jarring (keep us in-the-moment), and it’s kind of contradicting itself if one one hand she says she’ll be gone, while on the other hand she says she’s going to be there to give him the cold shoulder.
You probably don’t even need a full 3rd verse, but if you still want to do one, I’d look for another in-the-moment place to go. Maybe something like “don’t put your hand on my hips or try to kiss my lips, till you treat me right, all you’re gonna get… is CHORUS.” Something like that to play off the body part theme. Just a thought. But it’s fun, feels good (but kinda old school if you’re aiming for current mainstream country).
Hope that helps! Please take a moment to leave a comment on another writer’s song. It doesn’t have to be super-detailed or anything. Just a thought or two about the song. (Also, the best way to GET feedback is to GIVE feedback.) Thanks!
January 09, 2018
0
I adore this song deffinently has the swing tempo to it. I agree 3rd verse left me a little like huh. But I listened again and it works. I just love the hook . Great job cute
January 14, 2018
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Tommy Grimes III
Not much to say to this, seems complete and excellent to me - love the line that inspired it, never heard that before and I thought it was great, funny but with the edge of truth, and seemed to be the song it deserved, again both funny and upbeat but with the edge of truth beneath it. I love the traditional sound to it all too Cheers!
January 07, 2018
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