About being human, always slipping up, but never giving up. Had a session singer hired for this one.
Any and all feedback welcome!
Thanks Brent!
I totally agree on the sound of this one, I have never been happy with how it ended up - it was originally a “guitar-and-vocal” only piece, but I tried to build on that and never liked the result 
Still not sure what I should do with it in that regard, but will experiment again, maybe just strip it back and leave it with that kind of more bleak-and-empty sound (despite ending on a good note, I think that may work better… but I will see)
Also as ever you are right about the concrete elements needing adding or fleshing out! This one is in fact a very old song, and I need to revisit it with “what I know now is better”!
Thank you for the kind words on depth in a pop song! Sometimes I like to write the simple and fun, sometimes I like to try and dive in to something deeper and more significant - that seems to be dependent on the mysteries of the muse as to where I get pulled! It’s good to know though that those deeper ones are still a good idea and not something to reject due to subject matter, thank you!
Cheers! Tommy
January 20, 2018
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No matter how far I climb to get as high as halfway to heaven,
Hell is just one step behind,,
And no matter how hard I try to be a good man and live a good life,
I always slip when temptation calls,
I always fall
And a shiver runs through me,
Is this as much as I can hope to achieve?
Please say there must be more to my life,
Ooh it hurts don’t know how I will get by…
Although I have much in life I sometimes feel kind of empty inside,
I’m always looking for something more.
And when I look inside I feel so sad at what I find,
A bitter man when I should be glad
With all I have
And a shiver runs through me,
Is this as much as I can hope to achieve?
Please say there must be more to my life,
Ooh it hurts don’t know how I will survive…
(Solo)
No matter how far I fall whenever I slip at temptations call,
I keep one step out of hell.
And I know that if I try who can say how far I’ll climb?
Halfway to heaven or beyond,
Only time can tell.
And a shiver runs through me,
When I look at all that I’ve achieved,
And I know I’ll make more of my life,
Though it hurts now I know that I’ll get by….
(Outro)
1
Hey, Tommy!
I like the title. My first thought is that it’s kinda “pretty” to sing about hell being one step behind. I’d expect a little more darkness or grit either in the voice or production or melody. Feels a little incongruent right off the bat.
I dig that you’re writing a pop song about a deeper subject matter. I’m a fan of that, and I’m glad you went there.
Coming from the country school of songwriting, though, my personal preference is to have more specifics and images in your lyric. So when you say lines like “Although I have much in live, I sometimes feel kind of empty inside” my preference is to hear something more like “3-car garage full of polished teenage dreams don’t help me sleep at night.” That way, I can see what you mean. I see 3 cool cars, and I know you have a lot in your life. But I can also see you tossing and turning or lying in the dark with your eyes open, and I know you’re not happy. That’s just an example. Not that you have to use those exact images or anything.
Again, I’m pumped that you’re reaching for depth in a pop song. Keep at it!
And please take a moment to leave a comment on another writer’s song. It doesn’t have to be super-detailed or anything. Just a thought or two about the song. (Also, the best way to GET feedback is to GIVE feedback.) Thanks!
January 02, 2018
0
Thanks Brent!
I totally agree on the sound of this one, I have never been happy with how it ended up - it was originally a “guitar-and-vocal” only piece, but I tried to build on that and never liked the result Still not sure what I should do with it in that regard, but will experiment again, maybe just strip it back and leave it with that kind of more bleak-and-empty sound (despite ending on a good note, I think that may work better… but I will see)
Also as ever you are right about the concrete elements needing adding or fleshing out! This one is in fact a very old song, and I need to revisit it with “what I know now is better”!
Thank you for the kind words on depth in a pop song! Sometimes I like to write the simple and fun, sometimes I like to try and dive in to something deeper and more significant - that seems to be dependent on the mysteries of the muse as to where I get pulled! It’s good to know though that those deeper ones are still a good idea and not something to reject due to subject matter, thank you!
Cheers! Tommy
January 20, 2018
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Brent Baxter
Hey, Tommy!
I like the title. My first thought is that it’s kinda “pretty” to sing about hell being one step behind. I’d expect a little more darkness or grit either in the voice or production or melody. Feels a little incongruent right off the bat.
I dig that you’re writing a pop song about a deeper subject matter. I’m a fan of that, and I’m glad you went there.
Coming from the country school of songwriting, though, my personal preference is to have more specifics and images in your lyric. So when you say lines like “Although I have much in live, I sometimes feel kind of empty inside” my preference is to hear something more like “3-car garage full of polished teenage dreams don’t help me sleep at night.” That way, I can see what you mean. I see 3 cool cars, and I know you have a lot in your life. But I can also see you tossing and turning or lying in the dark with your eyes open, and I know you’re not happy. That’s just an example. Not that you have to use those exact images or anything.
Again, I’m pumped that you’re reaching for depth in a pop song. Keep at it!
And please take a moment to leave a comment on another writer’s song. It doesn’t have to be super-detailed or anything. Just a thought or two about the song. (Also, the best way to GET feedback is to GIVE feedback.) Thanks!
January 02, 2018