This started life as a song about giving up, but I decided that was a crappy attitude to promote and reversed it, re-writing everything so that it was about never giving up.
Any and all feedback welcomed!
Now that is good advice, and something I need to pay attention to, things like tense and how to make something stronger through that. Small details are important too, is what I remind myself of from this Thanks Brent!
January 14, 2018
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So I found myself on the losing end,
You took everything I own,
Fairweather's gone, along with those so called friends,
Now I face the night alone
CHORUS
But by the setting of the sun, I swore I wasn't done,
Dusted myself off and got back on way
This day may be gone, and the journey may be long,
But I'll get to where I'm dreaming of one of these days
I rolled with the punches,
right off a precipice,
Didn't think there was more I could lose,
Hit the ground running,
In oncoming traffic,
What doesn't kill you leaves you battered and bruised
CHORUS
But by the setting of the sun, I swore I wasn't done,
Dusted myself off and got back on way
This day may be done, and the journey may be long,
But I'll get to where I'm dreaming of one of these days
HARMONY GUITAR
I'm reeling from those blows
Broken heart and bloody nose
Voices all around with nothing good to say
But I'll take back my pride
For I know the light inside
Will cut right through the dark, illuminate my way
CHORUS
But by the setting of the sun, I swore I wasn't done,
Dusted myself off and got back on way
This day may be gone, and the journey may be long,
But I'll get to where I'm dreaming of one of these days
I'll get to where I'm dreaming of one of these days
1
Hey, Tommy! First off, I’m glad you reversed your angle on the song. One suggestion might be to put the emotional twist from the chorus into the present-tense. Instead of “I SWORE I wasn’t done” make it more in-the-moment “I SWEAR that I’m not done.”
That way, the listeners who are in a dark valley can say that for themselves. The lyric would step into the listener’s moment of need and give them a rally cry. Not a victory already won by the singer, but a victory they can join and claim for themselves.
Just a thought. Hope it helps. Please take a moment to leave a comment on another writer’s song. It doesn’t have to be super-detailed or anything. Just a thought or two about the song. (Also, the best way to GET feedback is to GIVE feedback.) Thanks!
January 02, 2018
0
Now that is good advice, and something I need to pay attention to, things like tense and how to make something stronger through that. Small details are important too, is what I remind myself of from this Thanks Brent!
January 14, 2018
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Brent Baxter
Hey, Tommy! First off, I’m glad you reversed your angle on the song. One suggestion might be to put the emotional twist from the chorus into the present-tense. Instead of “I SWORE I wasn’t done” make it more in-the-moment “I SWEAR that I’m not done.”
That way, the listeners who are in a dark valley can say that for themselves. The lyric would step into the listener’s moment of need and give them a rally cry. Not a victory already won by the singer, but a victory they can join and claim for themselves.
Just a thought. Hope it helps. Please take a moment to leave a comment on another writer’s song. It doesn’t have to be super-detailed or anything. Just a thought or two about the song. (Also, the best way to GET feedback is to GIVE feedback.) Thanks!
January 02, 2018