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Then I Will Be

Noora Särkinen

December 05, 2017

Genre: Country

More by Noora


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Learn the art, craft & business of songwriting from hit songwriter, Brent Baxter!

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Views: 162

Responses: 2




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About This Song


Kinda pop-country, old Taylor Swift stylish.

Feedback Requested


All the developing feedback is appreciated. This is a song I wanna take so far I can, and planning to make a studio version with professionals.


2 Responses


Brent Baxter

Thanks for sharing this with us, Noora!  I like the title and the simplicity of the idea.  I like the line “Tell me everything’s gonna be just fine, then I will be, too.”  That’s cool.  Simple, but cool.

However, the “I will be, too” sounds like you’re singing “boo” or “blue” like “Then I will be blue.”  Not a problem for a work tape, but you definitely want to work on that if you take it into the studio- because misunderstanding that word will totally mislead the listener.

Also, I’d like more detail in this song.  Why is the singer upset?  Did they have a fight?  Did something else happen to her?  Also, what happened yesterday that made her realize that he’s all she wants?  A little detail, please.

Hope that helps!  Please pay it forward by leaving a comment on another writer’s song.  Thanks!

December 08, 2017

Jayne Sachs

Nice melody.  I like the melody especially at the beginning of the chorus on “So tell me everything’s gonna be just fine”.  I think you could support that concept by showing us what that would “look” like to her.  For example, in the first verse she is wanting him to just hold her and tell her everything is going to be alright… it could be really cool if you could give us details on what that scene would look like, as in a mini movie.  Is she wanting him to pull her in and let her lay her head on his chest? Is he softly wiping her bangs away from her eyes, or wiping a tear off of her cheek?  Can she hear his heart beating?  These might not be the right details to start painting that mental picture, but details that help the listener “see” or “hear” or “feel” what is happening allow the listener to be a part of the mini movie. it would be really cool to get an idea of what this character is hoping to have happen from him.  I would look forward to hearing what you come up with if you decide to take another try on this!

December 09, 2017


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1

Brent Baxter

Thanks for sharing this with us, Noora!  I like the title and the simplicity of the idea.  I like the line “Tell me everything’s gonna be just fine, then I will be, too.”  That’s cool.  Simple, but cool.

However, the “I will be, too” sounds like you’re singing “boo” or “blue” like “Then I will be blue.”  Not a problem for a work tape, but you definitely want to work on that if you take it into the studio- because misunderstanding that word will totally mislead the listener.

Also, I’d like more detail in this song.  Why is the singer upset?  Did they have a fight?  Did something else happen to her?  Also, what happened yesterday that made her realize that he’s all she wants?  A little detail, please.

Hope that helps!  Please pay it forward by leaving a comment on another writer’s song.  Thanks!

December 08, 2017

1

Jayne Sachs

Nice melody.  I like the melody especially at the beginning of the chorus on “So tell me everything’s gonna be just fine”.  I think you could support that concept by showing us what that would “look” like to her.  For example, in the first verse she is wanting him to just hold her and tell her everything is going to be alright… it could be really cool if you could give us details on what that scene would look like, as in a mini movie.  Is she wanting him to pull her in and let her lay her head on his chest? Is he softly wiping her bangs away from her eyes, or wiping a tear off of her cheek?  Can she hear his heart beating?  These might not be the right details to start painting that mental picture, but details that help the listener “see” or “hear” or “feel” what is happening allow the listener to be a part of the mini movie. it would be really cool to get an idea of what this character is hoping to have happen from him.  I would look forward to hearing what you come up with if you decide to take another try on this!

December 09, 2017


Verse 1:
Won't you take me, won't you hold me
Won't you say to me everything's gonna be alright
'Cause that's all I wanna hear

Chorus:
So tell me everything's gonna be just fine
Then I will be too
So tell me we are gonna be just fine
Then I will be too
Then I will be too

Verse 2:
Yesterday
was the day, that made me realize
You're all those things I want
So take my heart and please don't break it

Bridge:
And the next time I'll see you
I'm gonna tell you what's on my mind

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