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Broken Hearted

Nick Clyburn

December 04, 2017

Genre: Country

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4 Responses


Brent Baxter

Hey, Nick!  Thanks for sharing another one with us.  Right off, I like the energy of the song.  I like the vibe and the melody of the chorus.

However, you gotta REALLY bring something fresh and compelling to make hay out of the title “Broken Hearted.”  It’s just such a common phrase that it doesn’t have any energy on its own- YOU have to supply all the “umph” with how you set it up.  That’s a tall order for any songwriter.

Just my thoughts.  Hope it helps more than it frustrates.  Thanks!

December 08, 2017

No members have liked this comment.

Jayne Sachs

A Jason Aldean vibe.  I like the lyric “feeling so far south”. The song sounds hooky, but I agree with Brent that there could be a lot more to support the title Broken Hearted.  I was a little confused as to whether he was going to be talking about her the whole time or himself?  The song starts out about her being in the car but then says “I got to get out of this place”. So I was confused from the get go. You could keep it all in third person like you start out doing when you say “her face” but then you would want to say “but she had to get out of this place”... I would suggest just being consistent on pronouns.
Also after visualizing her on the road being sad, the lyric went back to her taking a long hard look before she was gone.  So my mind jumped back to them being together.  You may want to start out with that image and go for a chronological thing.  I think this song sounds really good and if you rework the lyrics, it would be worth it.  I would watch words like “day we parted”... and try for something real conversational that this character would really say.  I know sometimes it gets hard when you’re looking for rhymes but that’s the thrill of this crazy writing thing… trying to say it in the most real way.  What a fun challenge!  Good luck!

December 09, 2017

No members have liked this comment.

Sonya Dauth

Hey Nick
I like the energy in the music.
I’m still learning about lyric writing too so I will leave those hints to the experts.
Cheers
Sonya

December 10, 2017

No members have liked this comment.

Nick Clyburn

Brent,
Thanks for the feedback. I see what you’re saying for sure.

Jayne,
You hit on some great points. I appreciate the feedback.

Sonya,
Thanks you for listening to the tune. Cheers.

December 10, 2017


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Brent Baxter

Hey, Nick!  Thanks for sharing another one with us.  Right off, I like the energy of the song.  I like the vibe and the melody of the chorus.

However, you gotta REALLY bring something fresh and compelling to make hay out of the title “Broken Hearted.”  It’s just such a common phrase that it doesn’t have any energy on its own- YOU have to supply all the “umph” with how you set it up.  That’s a tall order for any songwriter.

Just my thoughts.  Hope it helps more than it frustrates.  Thanks!

December 08, 2017

0

Jayne Sachs

A Jason Aldean vibe.  I like the lyric “feeling so far south”. The song sounds hooky, but I agree with Brent that there could be a lot more to support the title Broken Hearted.  I was a little confused as to whether he was going to be talking about her the whole time or himself?  The song starts out about her being in the car but then says “I got to get out of this place”. So I was confused from the get go. You could keep it all in third person like you start out doing when you say “her face” but then you would want to say “but she had to get out of this place”... I would suggest just being consistent on pronouns.
Also after visualizing her on the road being sad, the lyric went back to her taking a long hard look before she was gone.  So my mind jumped back to them being together.  You may want to start out with that image and go for a chronological thing.  I think this song sounds really good and if you rework the lyrics, it would be worth it.  I would watch words like “day we parted”... and try for something real conversational that this character would really say.  I know sometimes it gets hard when you’re looking for rhymes but that’s the thrill of this crazy writing thing… trying to say it in the most real way.  What a fun challenge!  Good luck!

December 09, 2017

0

Sonya Dauth

Hey Nick
I like the energy in the music.
I’m still learning about lyric writing too so I will leave those hints to the experts.
Cheers
Sonya

December 10, 2017

1

Nick Clyburn

Brent,
Thanks for the feedback. I see what you’re saying for sure.

Jayne,
You hit on some great points. I appreciate the feedback.

Sonya,
Thanks you for listening to the tune. Cheers.

December 10, 2017


Spinning those wheels, sad look on her face
Rear view reflecting I love you but I got to get out of this place
Time stands still when everything goes wrong
She took one long, hard good look before she was long gone
How can I find direction when I'm feeling so far south? Waking up is a chore, I've never needed you more and I don't know what it's all about

Can we get back to the place we started? I just cant past the day we parted, If it's your bow, if it's your arrow I hope that you know that you sure hit the target, I guess i finally know what it feels like to be truly all alone and brokenhearted

Memories serve well but I'm still losing my mind, It's just me and a half empty bottle of beam , four walls and your three by five.

Can we get back to the place we started? I just cant past the day we parted, If it's your bow, if it's your arrow I hope that you know that you sure hit the target, I guess I finally know what it feels like to be truly all alone and brokenhearted

Now I don't know if your'e thinking of me as fast as I saw you hit I-20, but if you have any little hesitation, called it a vacation because I'm steady waiting

Can we get back to the place we started? I just cant past the day we parted, If it's your bow, if it's your arrow I hope that you know that you sure hit the target,

Can we get back to the place we started? I just cant past the day we parted, If it's your bow, if it's your arrow I hope that you know that you sure hit the target, I guess i finally know what it feels like to be truly all alone and brokenhearted

Spinning those wheels, sad look on her face
Rear view reflecting I love you but I got to get out of this place

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