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If Love is Real

Martin Lorentzson

November 22, 2017

Genre: Folk

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Views: 242

Responses: 10




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About This Song


Written together with Robin Monterosso, Michigan, US.

Written over Skype. I'm not sure how the story came about, but I know we wanted to write a song that went beyond the regular topics covered in contemporary songs.

All feedback appreciated!


10 Responses


Michael R. J. Roth

Beautiful song. Simple yet provocative, nice imagery. Good job!

November 28, 2017

Angie Dennison

Really enjoyed this one. Thanks for sharing it! Peaceful chords that really made me listen to the lyrics. Love the message. The second line of the song threw me a little (initially thought she may be hurt or something). I get how it fits into the rest of the song now that I’ve heard the whole thing…..just one of those things that pulled me “out” of the song for a second. I listened a second time and it didn’t do that so may just be me. It’s been a long day….haha. Great work!

November 28, 2017

Martin Lorentzson

Michael: Thank you, appreciate you taking the time review the song.

Angie: I know what you mean. From a songwriter’s perspective everything seems perfectly clear. Then you realise listeners might have a different opinion. Thanks for pointing this out.

December 01, 2017

No members have liked this comment.

Noora Särkinen

Love this, the chorus is stunning! smile

December 03, 2017

No members have liked this comment.

Rusty Perez

Hey Martin, this is a great song!
The chorus is beautiful and deep, and nicely written I think.

I have questions. smile
As I understood it, the first verse seems like she’s having a “come to Jesus” moment, bottle of booz, soaking wet and the chorus is a prayer.  but the second and third verses seem to be directed at the other. the chorus seems to change focus. Was that intentional?


Little nitpickie things. Beginning of v2 instead of “she was” I’d suggest “she stared.”  And in bridge “realized” rhymes with baptized, but I’d love to see more imagery there.

Again, GREAT song, just, some thoughts I had while listening to it, at least three times. smile

December 07, 2017

No members have liked this comment.

Brent Baxter

Hey, Martin!  Man, those images and the vibe pull me right in.  Well done.  And I like the simple way you use fishing to answer the “why’s the singer there?” question that might be in the air.  Simple.  Elegant.  Good stuff.

December 08, 2017

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Martin Lorentzson

Noora: thanks a lot, appreciate you taking the time to listen to the song.

Rusty: Thanks for your nice and constructive comments.

Yes, it was intentional to make the chorus work for both characters.

“Stared off” instead of “she was staring..”: Good call, thanks!


More imagery: There can never be too much grin Will have a look and see if need some improvement.

Brent: Thanks! Always helpful and encouraging to get feedback from a pro like you. Maybe worth demoing some day? Don’t now where it would fit in today’s music busines, but I might give it a try.

December 19, 2017

No members have liked this comment.

Jayne Sachs

I totally dig this song.  It’s so sweet.
Love the bridge.  I like how it seems like he is saying the CH to her at the end.  The only thing that catches me is line 2 in V1. I know you want to set up the fact that she hasn’t quite drowned… she’s been in the river… But for a second when I heard that line I either pictured a child… or a first I pictured a dog… until I heard waist down.  I just fee; that the perfect line is out there.  I hope you don’t mind that feedback.  I really like the song… maybe something like
waist deep in the river, tears falling down..

December 20, 2017

No members have liked this comment.

Jayne Sachs

Just caught that you say “riverside” in line 1, so you wouldn’t want to say “river”.. but maybe “waist deep already, tears falling’ down”...
Anyway, good luck with it!

December 20, 2017

No members have liked this comment.

Martin Lorentzson

Jayne: Thanks a lot for your nice comments and constructive feedback.

River/riverside: Excellent point, it’s hard to be in the water if your your on the side of the river/riverbank. We should probably clarify this somehow.

V1/line 2: You might be right. Maybe there is a better way of setting up the situation. We’ll definitely consider it.

/Martin

January 10, 2018

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1

Michael R. J. Roth

Beautiful song. Simple yet provocative, nice imagery. Good job!

November 28, 2017

1

Angie Dennison

Really enjoyed this one. Thanks for sharing it! Peaceful chords that really made me listen to the lyrics. Love the message. The second line of the song threw me a little (initially thought she may be hurt or something). I get how it fits into the rest of the song now that I’ve heard the whole thing…..just one of those things that pulled me “out” of the song for a second. I listened a second time and it didn’t do that so may just be me. It’s been a long day….haha. Great work!

November 28, 2017

0

Martin Lorentzson

Michael: Thank you, appreciate you taking the time review the song.

Angie: I know what you mean. From a songwriter’s perspective everything seems perfectly clear. Then you realise listeners might have a different opinion. Thanks for pointing this out.

December 01, 2017

0

Noora Särkinen

Love this, the chorus is stunning! smile

December 03, 2017

0

Rusty Perez

Hey Martin, this is a great song!
The chorus is beautiful and deep, and nicely written I think.

I have questions. smile
As I understood it, the first verse seems like she’s having a “come to Jesus” moment, bottle of booz, soaking wet and the chorus is a prayer.  but the second and third verses seem to be directed at the other. the chorus seems to change focus. Was that intentional?


Little nitpickie things. Beginning of v2 instead of “she was” I’d suggest “she stared.”  And in bridge “realized” rhymes with baptized, but I’d love to see more imagery there.

Again, GREAT song, just, some thoughts I had while listening to it, at least three times. smile

December 07, 2017

0

Brent Baxter

Hey, Martin!  Man, those images and the vibe pull me right in.  Well done.  And I like the simple way you use fishing to answer the “why’s the singer there?” question that might be in the air.  Simple.  Elegant.  Good stuff.

December 08, 2017

0

Martin Lorentzson

Noora: thanks a lot, appreciate you taking the time to listen to the song.

Rusty: Thanks for your nice and constructive comments.

Yes, it was intentional to make the chorus work for both characters.

“Stared off” instead of “she was staring..”: Good call, thanks!


More imagery: There can never be too much grin Will have a look and see if need some improvement.

Brent: Thanks! Always helpful and encouraging to get feedback from a pro like you. Maybe worth demoing some day? Don’t now where it would fit in today’s music busines, but I might give it a try.

December 19, 2017

0

Jayne Sachs

I totally dig this song.  It’s so sweet.
Love the bridge.  I like how it seems like he is saying the CH to her at the end.  The only thing that catches me is line 2 in V1. I know you want to set up the fact that she hasn’t quite drowned… she’s been in the river… But for a second when I heard that line I either pictured a child… or a first I pictured a dog… until I heard waist down.  I just fee; that the perfect line is out there.  I hope you don’t mind that feedback.  I really like the song… maybe something like
waist deep in the river, tears falling down..

December 20, 2017

0

Jayne Sachs

Just caught that you say “riverside” in line 1, so you wouldn’t want to say “river”.. but maybe “waist deep already, tears falling’ down”...
Anyway, good luck with it!

December 20, 2017

0

Martin Lorentzson

Jayne: Thanks a lot for your nice comments and constructive feedback.

River/riverside: Excellent point, it’s hard to be in the water if your your on the side of the river/riverbank. We should probably clarify this somehow.

V1/line 2: You might be right. Maybe there is a better way of setting up the situation. We’ll definitely consider it.

/Martin

January 10, 2018


VERSE 1
I found her by the riverside
Shivering and wet from the waist down
Jim Beam bottle and empty eyes
Drunk on hurt and sinking, not quite drowned
Heard her praying, what she was saying

CHORUS
If love is real won’t you take me in
Wash me clean from all my sins
if love is ...real
If love is deep is if love is strong
Can it carry me along
if love is ...real

VERSE 2
She was staring off into the dawn
Wonderstruck, we watched the sunrise
Been fishing this river all my life
Never seen such glory in the skies
It was holy, she turned to me slowly, she said

CHORUS:
If love is real won’t you take me in
Wash me clean from all my sins
if love is ...real
If love is deep is if love is strong
Can it carry me along
if love is ...real

BRIDGE
I said I think love is a river do you realize?
Look at us girl, we’ve just been baptised

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