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Read My Eyes (Edited)

Sonya Dauth

November 19, 2017

Genre: Country

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5 Responses


Jayne Sachs

Hey Sonya!  Good job on the rewrite!  I see your rhyme scheme now and to my ear as I read it out loud, it has a rhythm.  I would just maybe direct you to the chorus. My ear was craving a rhyme to the hook.  Something to rhyme with “eyes”... maybe just adding the words “right here tonight” to the set up line.  Just an idea.

Good job!


CHORUS
If what I’m tryin’ to say
Ain’t quite comin’ on through
If you can’t read my lips
And my sigh’s not telling you
Take a good look within (right here tonight)
And honey read my eyes
Read my eyes
Read my eyes

November 20, 2017

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Sonya Dauth

Thank you so much again Jayne. I feel 10 feet tall after your comment grin

I thought something was missing there too, but do you think I could find a way to make it sound right. Just those couple of words and it’s perfect.

I’ll have to add you as a co-writer.

I would be honoured if you would like to put a melody to it. I think your work is brilliant.

Thank you again for your input - it has been most appreciated.

Cheers
Sonya

November 22, 2017

No members have liked this comment.

Brent Baxter

Sonya,
Yep, I agree with Jayne- it’s gotten much better!  Good job going back in and digging deeper!

November 23, 2017

Jayne Sachs

Thank you for your compliment Sonya.  I’m glad the feedback has helped.  That is what this community is all about!  When I co-write, I tend to hook up with music/melody people for the country genre so I can concentrate on bringing lyrics, etc.. It sounds as if you are looking to connect with writers who are more melody driven to help bring your lyrics to life.  I think this site might be a GREAT place for you to find that.  There undoubtedly are people here who specialize more on that side of things.  If you found a few people to try co-writing with, it could really be fun for you and you could create together from scratch perhaps.  When I work with melody people, the lyric and melody move together in phrasing and rhythm. I rarely have a lyric done and have someone put it to music,  Other people probably do work that way, but my ear and musical soul love to create melody and lyric together from the get go so they move together… and also tweaking on both of those sides can happen while the song is being written.  You may want to try this with someone.  It could open up a whole new world!!!  And what a world it is!!  Have fun and create!!

November 23, 2017

Sonya Dauth

Thank you again Brent and Jayne.

I’m so glad you see progress in the re-write.
I will keep my eye out for someone willing to put music to it.

I would love to try and co-write melody and lyrics with someone - that is a goal for certain and a new challenge to take on when it comes.

I am so looking forward to being able to take my music to the next level.

Cheers folks

November 26, 2017

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Jayne Sachs

Hey Sonya!  Good job on the rewrite!  I see your rhyme scheme now and to my ear as I read it out loud, it has a rhythm.  I would just maybe direct you to the chorus. My ear was craving a rhyme to the hook.  Something to rhyme with “eyes”... maybe just adding the words “right here tonight” to the set up line.  Just an idea.

Good job!


CHORUS
If what I’m tryin’ to say
Ain’t quite comin’ on through
If you can’t read my lips
And my sigh’s not telling you
Take a good look within (right here tonight)
And honey read my eyes
Read my eyes
Read my eyes

November 20, 2017

0

Sonya Dauth

Thank you so much again Jayne. I feel 10 feet tall after your comment grin

I thought something was missing there too, but do you think I could find a way to make it sound right. Just those couple of words and it’s perfect.

I’ll have to add you as a co-writer.

I would be honoured if you would like to put a melody to it. I think your work is brilliant.

Thank you again for your input - it has been most appreciated.

Cheers
Sonya

November 22, 2017

1

Brent Baxter

Sonya,
Yep, I agree with Jayne- it’s gotten much better!  Good job going back in and digging deeper!

November 23, 2017

1

Jayne Sachs

Thank you for your compliment Sonya.  I’m glad the feedback has helped.  That is what this community is all about!  When I co-write, I tend to hook up with music/melody people for the country genre so I can concentrate on bringing lyrics, etc.. It sounds as if you are looking to connect with writers who are more melody driven to help bring your lyrics to life.  I think this site might be a GREAT place for you to find that.  There undoubtedly are people here who specialize more on that side of things.  If you found a few people to try co-writing with, it could really be fun for you and you could create together from scratch perhaps.  When I work with melody people, the lyric and melody move together in phrasing and rhythm. I rarely have a lyric done and have someone put it to music,  Other people probably do work that way, but my ear and musical soul love to create melody and lyric together from the get go so they move together… and also tweaking on both of those sides can happen while the song is being written.  You may want to try this with someone.  It could open up a whole new world!!!  And what a world it is!!  Have fun and create!!

November 23, 2017

0

Sonya Dauth

Thank you again Brent and Jayne.

I’m so glad you see progress in the re-write.
I will keep my eye out for someone willing to put music to it.

I would love to try and co-write melody and lyrics with someone - that is a goal for certain and a new challenge to take on when it comes.

I am so looking forward to being able to take my music to the next level.

Cheers folks

November 26, 2017


Read My Eyes (Edited)

Written by Sonya Dauth

VERSE 1
It's like a warm log fire
On a cold winters night
When you whisper my name
And hold me just right
Feel the heat rushin' through
Ev'ry inch of my skin
Drawin' me in ever closer
Passions pullin' me in

CHORUS
If what I'm tryin' to say
Ain't quite comin' on through
If you can't read my lips
And my sigh's not telling you
Take a good look within
Right here tonight
And honey read my eyes
Read my eyes
Read my eyes

VERSE 2
From the tilt of your head
When you flash me that smile
To the smell o' your cologne
My heart races for a while
You take my breath away
Every time that you're near
Before we even touch
Every faded dream becomes clear

CHORUS
(Repeat)

BRIDGE
Take a good long look
Deep into my heart
It'll never be clearer
What my souls dyin' to start

GUITAR OR PIANO SOLO (Just a thought)

CHORUS
(Repeat)

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