Join The Community

Connect, showcase, get feedback and grow as a songwriter. Join the Frettie community today!

Twenty Seven (with pic and lyrics)

Tom MacLellan

August 26, 2017

Genre: Folk

More by Tom


Likes

Our Sponsors

An awesome & helpful podcast for singers, songwriters & indie artists like YOU!

Likes:

Views: 642

Responses: 4




Share

Report

About This Song


Stripped Down Acoustical Demo

Some research says our creativity peaks at 27
When we have lived 10,000 days we are in our 27th year of life

Feedback Requested


Comments are appreciated.
Much Thanks,
Tom


4 Responses


Phillip Lemmonds

Tom, I think you have an interesting idea for a song, but way too many “10,000” references, as it makes the verses the focus and not the chorus.  I kept waiting for the 10,000 somethings to see what would be next.

Now, I’m no expert in the folk genre, and couldn’t name you a folk song since the 60’s, but I’m pretty sure basic songwriting guidelines still apply, such as your song title should actually be in the song.  Yes, there have been hits that don’t mention the title, but they are rare.  In the songs current form, something like “10,000 Days” seems more appropriate.  You could say the 27 years part somewhere in the song, but most people aren’t going to equate 10,000 days to 27 years.  As the old saying goes, if you have to explain your song to somebody, it probably needs a rewrite.

I think I would feel more connection to the song if you reflected back on what has happened the first 10,000 days.  Lost love, shattered dreams, personal tragedy… something for me to hold onto, something to relate to.  Your chorus starts down that path, but leaves me wanting more.

Music wise, it fits what I think a folk song would be, but lyrically, it doesn’t grab me.

Keep writing!
Phillip

August 27, 2017

Donna King

I love the way the guitar feels in this song… I agree that is you use the “10,000” less I’d be more hooked by what your saying…

Also I get what you’re saying about peaking at 27 but the song feels more about the 10,000… Maybe there’s a way to write more to the idea of being 27 or to make the focus on the opportunity of life but the days flying fast etc…

Love the feel though… I know when we write our feelings we get what we are saying, but I think the key is to write so everyone understands what you’re feeling or relates to it.

Keep it up!

September 14, 2017

No members have liked this comment.

Tom MacLellan

Thanks Phillip and Donna!!  Feedback is very much appreciated. I agree with both of you on the over use of 10,000 but my heart resisted when I tried to edit it out. Will take it back to the drawing board.
I will also consider using less metaphors to get my message through.
Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts

Many Thanks

September 17, 2017

No members have liked this comment.

Dori Weaver

I love the concept here.  I do have to agree that maybe you could reduce the number of “10,000” repeated so often in the chorus.  The “dreams yet untold” section is beautiful but maybe only have to say it one time and then write some other ideas in the other “Dreams yet untold” sections since you have so much you could say with this provocative concept.  The vocals are beautiful and the guitar is lovely.  You have a great start Tom, please keep going with it:)

July 17, 2018

No members have liked this comment.


You must be signed in to post feedback.


1

Phillip Lemmonds

Tom, I think you have an interesting idea for a song, but way too many “10,000” references, as it makes the verses the focus and not the chorus.  I kept waiting for the 10,000 somethings to see what would be next.

Now, I’m no expert in the folk genre, and couldn’t name you a folk song since the 60’s, but I’m pretty sure basic songwriting guidelines still apply, such as your song title should actually be in the song.  Yes, there have been hits that don’t mention the title, but they are rare.  In the songs current form, something like “10,000 Days” seems more appropriate.  You could say the 27 years part somewhere in the song, but most people aren’t going to equate 10,000 days to 27 years.  As the old saying goes, if you have to explain your song to somebody, it probably needs a rewrite.

I think I would feel more connection to the song if you reflected back on what has happened the first 10,000 days.  Lost love, shattered dreams, personal tragedy… something for me to hold onto, something to relate to.  Your chorus starts down that path, but leaves me wanting more.

Music wise, it fits what I think a folk song would be, but lyrically, it doesn’t grab me.

Keep writing!
Phillip

August 27, 2017

0

Donna King

I love the way the guitar feels in this song… I agree that is you use the “10,000” less I’d be more hooked by what your saying…

Also I get what you’re saying about peaking at 27 but the song feels more about the 10,000… Maybe there’s a way to write more to the idea of being 27 or to make the focus on the opportunity of life but the days flying fast etc…

Love the feel though… I know when we write our feelings we get what we are saying, but I think the key is to write so everyone understands what you’re feeling or relates to it.

Keep it up!

September 14, 2017

0

Tom MacLellan

Thanks Phillip and Donna!!  Feedback is very much appreciated. I agree with both of you on the over use of 10,000 but my heart resisted when I tried to edit it out. Will take it back to the drawing board.
I will also consider using less metaphors to get my message through.
Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts

Many Thanks

September 17, 2017

0

Dori Weaver

I love the concept here.  I do have to agree that maybe you could reduce the number of “10,000” repeated so often in the chorus.  The “dreams yet untold” section is beautiful but maybe only have to say it one time and then write some other ideas in the other “Dreams yet untold” sections since you have so much you could say with this provocative concept.  The vocals are beautiful and the guitar is lovely.  You have a great start Tom, please keep going with it:)

July 17, 2018


Twenty Seven (with pic and...

Written by Tom MacLellan

10,000 miles 10,000 lines
10,000 roads 10,000- signs
10,000 days 10,000 sky's
10,000 times these suns have filled these eyes

Dreams yet untold
Fears of getting old
I've got voices in my head
and this is where they have lead

10,000 build 10,000 more
10,000 walls or 10,000 doors
10,000 nights 10,000 sky's
10 billion stars have filled these eyes

Dreams yet untold
Fears of getting old
I've got voices in my head
and this is where they have lead

Hands, with which to shape 10,000 days still yet to make
or could it be, this is all just fate
10,000 ways to contemplate

Dreams yet untold
Fears of getting old
I've got voices in my head
and this is where they have lead

I've got choices in my head
and this is where I've been lead

×