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Better Life (Update)

Graham Donahue

July 29, 2017

Genre: Christian

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About This Song


This is an update to the song I posted a while back making some improvements based on the feedback I got.

Feedback Requested


Any and all feedback on the song itself.


1 Response


Brent Baxter

Hey, Graham!  Thanks for sharing your song.  I like that you’re writing tempo.  You sure cover a lot of story, though- and if I didn’t have the lyrics in front of me, it would’ve been hard to keep up with the story.  I wonder if there’s a way to simplify a little bit.

Also, I wonder if the song would feel “tighter” if you rhyme in couplets instead of every other line.  For example, in verse 1, there’s so much space between the rhymes of “to” and “pew” that it kinda feels like it doesn’t rhyme.  (I do like the internal rhymes, though.)  Maybe couplets (rhyming in two-line pairs) would help it feel tighter.

Hope that helps!  Please pay it forward by leaving a comment or review on another writer’s song.  Thanks!

July 31, 2017

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Brent Baxter

Hey, Graham!  Thanks for sharing your song.  I like that you’re writing tempo.  You sure cover a lot of story, though- and if I didn’t have the lyrics in front of me, it would’ve been hard to keep up with the story.  I wonder if there’s a way to simplify a little bit.

Also, I wonder if the song would feel “tighter” if you rhyme in couplets instead of every other line.  For example, in verse 1, there’s so much space between the rhymes of “to” and “pew” that it kinda feels like it doesn’t rhyme.  (I do like the internal rhymes, though.)  Maybe couplets (rhyming in two-line pairs) would help it feel tighter.

Hope that helps!  Please pay it forward by leaving a comment or review on another writer’s song.  Thanks!

July 31, 2017


Better Life (Update)

Written by Graham Donahue

I remember Daddy telling stories of those days when he was young
When he was made to go to church each Sunday though he never wanted to
They told him he should listen to the preacher read the Bible and pray unto the Holy God above
But he had no desire for his heart was not on fire for the things he heard when sitting in that pew

Chorus:
And he said “I am moving onward to a better life
Where I've ben told there's better things to find
This life that I've been living ain't what I'm looking for
I'm ready now to leave it all behind
For I have got a better life in mind.”

So when he got older he left home to go out on the crooked way
But all his sinful living left him lying there in need if something more
But then he met a women and he saw that she was different he asked her what it was she had inside
She told him of the Savior and the mercy that He gave her and he finally found what he'd been looking for

(Chorus:)

Now I'll always remember when the family came and gathered at his bed
His life was nearly over and our hearts were breaking from the pain within
And as the tears flowed swiftly down our cheeks he gave a smile and wth his hand he brushed a tear away
He said we needn't worry for his soul was in a hurry to be with the one who took away his sin.

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