A beach song, about everlasting love through the years.
Any feedback welcomed.
Thanks for the feedback Phillip. So far, working titles have been Popsicle, Popsicle Serenade, For Your Love, and Younger. I’ll probably go with “Younger”. 
July 22, 2017
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Hi Kole… just a quick note here… I would suggest really pumping up the volume on the singer. The music is overpowering the recording and I am straining to hear him and they lyrics. Major label recording (and of course this is just a demo) really pumps up the vocals as they are maybe 80% of a song as you listen. Just a quick note.
August 03, 2017
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POPSICLE
Give me a look, or give me a sign
or do the things that you do all the time
talk to me about the good old days
we'll drive around and laugh at clever things that we say
The sun felt warm down in San Luis Rey
a balmy relief from the cold Winter rains
we want the moon and the stars, I know
maybe we could drive down to Mexico
Like two kids who were never afraid
livin' our lives in a love that won't wait
a souvenir of the words that we said
when we were younger
so much younger
It's our popsicle serenade
a little story 'bout a love that won't fade
it's sweet on the lips, and cool in the shade
it's no wonder
I still hunger
for your love
[BRIDGE]
Our days write the songs, and we sing the lines
we do the things that we do all the time
laugh or cry about the good old days
we'll drive around and laugh at crazy things that we say
Like two kids who were never afraid
livin' our lives in a love that won't wait
a souvenir of the words that we said
when we were younger
so much younger
It's a popsicle serenade
a little story 'bout a love that won't fade
it's sweet on the lips, and cool in the shade
it's no wonder
I still hunger for your love
Give me a look, or give me a sign
or do that thing that you do all the time
talk to me about the good old days
we'll drive around and laugh at crazy things that we say
Whoa oh oh oh
0
Hey Kole, a few quick thoughts on your song. Please keep in mind I’m not up on the latest Pop trends.
Definitely has an old school sound and vibe to it. Maybe it’s your long pre-chorus, but feels like it’s taking too long to get to the chorus.
I think you’ve got a few too many syllables in the “We’ll drive around line” and it feels rushed to get them all in. I think a title of “Popsicle Serenade” sounds good, but not sure the current lyrics would support it.
I’m not feeling a strong connection between the verses and the chorus, but I’m coming from more of a Country background where the story is everything.
Keep writing!
Phillip
July 22, 2017
0
Thanks for the feedback Phillip. So far, working titles have been Popsicle, Popsicle Serenade, For Your Love, and Younger. I’ll probably go with “Younger”.
July 22, 2017
0
Hi Kole… just a quick note here… I would suggest really pumping up the volume on the singer. The music is overpowering the recording and I am straining to hear him and they lyrics. Major label recording (and of course this is just a demo) really pumps up the vocals as they are maybe 80% of a song as you listen. Just a quick note.
August 03, 2017
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Phillip Lemmonds
Hey Kole, a few quick thoughts on your song. Please keep in mind I’m not up on the latest Pop trends.
Definitely has an old school sound and vibe to it. Maybe it’s your long pre-chorus, but feels like it’s taking too long to get to the chorus.
I think you’ve got a few too many syllables in the “We’ll drive around line” and it feels rushed to get them all in. I think a title of “Popsicle Serenade” sounds good, but not sure the current lyrics would support it.
I’m not feeling a strong connection between the verses and the chorus, but I’m coming from more of a Country background where the story is everything.
Keep writing!
Phillip
July 22, 2017
No members have liked this comment.