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I Can’t Wait (updated work in progress) © 2017

David Pritchett

July 14, 2017

Genre: Country

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About This Song


A breakup story where refusing to accept it and trying to get back to her creates an unusual trip. This is a NEW VERSION of a WORK in PROGRESS posted previously ( Old Title: I Can't Wait to See You Again)

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Feefback is welcome and thank you in advance for your time and comments.


2 Responses


Brent Baxter

Hey, David!  The rhyme scheme is throwing me.  First off, my ear wants to hear couplets (rhyming a-a-b-b) or at least (a-b-a-b).  But that a-b-a-c just throws me for a loop.

I like that it has a driving feel (no pun intended).  However, I feel it takes too long to get to the chorus.  See if you can tighten up the lyric to get to the chorus earlier.

Also, the melody and lyric feel more folk than country, in my opinion.  The opening line feels country lyrically, but… I’m not sure… maybe it’s more the melody and singer making it feel more folk than country.

And folk is fine, don’t get me wrong.  But you listed the song as country.  So if country is where you’re headed, I think you’re more in folk.

Hope that helps.  Please pay it forward by leaving a review on another writer’s song. Thanks!

July 16, 2017

Phillip Lemmonds

Might be the music, but to me this version sounds a little darker than your earlier version.  As Benny said of the first one, the rhyme scheme kind of throws everything off, but please, experiment away.

I still think the verses aren’t painting the mental images they should.  In the opening line, what is “one car light”?  I know what you want to say, but that phrase could mean different things to different people.  Why not just say what it is…daring fate with one headlight on a cold moonless night.  Or drop the “cold” to keep it 12 syllables.  Several other lines feel like they’re not specific enough to paint the image.

I forget who said it, but they said something like “If you have to explain your lyrics to somebody, it’s probably time for a rewrite”.

Keep at it,
Phillip

July 17, 2017


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1

Brent Baxter

Hey, David!  The rhyme scheme is throwing me.  First off, my ear wants to hear couplets (rhyming a-a-b-b) or at least (a-b-a-b).  But that a-b-a-c just throws me for a loop.

I like that it has a driving feel (no pun intended).  However, I feel it takes too long to get to the chorus.  See if you can tighten up the lyric to get to the chorus earlier.

Also, the melody and lyric feel more folk than country, in my opinion.  The opening line feels country lyrically, but… I’m not sure… maybe it’s more the melody and singer making it feel more folk than country.

And folk is fine, don’t get me wrong.  But you listed the song as country.  So if country is where you’re headed, I think you’re more in folk.

Hope that helps.  Please pay it forward by leaving a review on another writer’s song. Thanks!

July 16, 2017

1

Phillip Lemmonds

Might be the music, but to me this version sounds a little darker than your earlier version.  As Benny said of the first one, the rhyme scheme kind of throws everything off, but please, experiment away.

I still think the verses aren’t painting the mental images they should.  In the opening line, what is “one car light”?  I know what you want to say, but that phrase could mean different things to different people.  Why not just say what it is…daring fate with one headlight on a cold moonless night.  Or drop the “cold” to keep it 12 syllables.  Several other lines feel like they’re not specific enough to paint the image.

I forget who said it, but they said something like “If you have to explain your lyrics to somebody, it’s probably time for a rewrite”.

Keep at it,
Phillip

July 17, 2017


I Can’t Wait (updated...

Written by David Pritchett

V1
One car light daring fate on a cold moonless night
With fear drivin’ how can my heartache disappear
Old thoughts of you in my head hiding out of sight
Memory frozen on the last things you said

“I’m leaving,” I hear again pushing harder on the gas
Pretending it never happened, I hope you’ll be there
Two dim tail lights appear; I swerve into the past
Happier times fix my heart for a moment it’s alright

CHORUS
In my mind I can’t let anything change
If I lose myself will I find you again?
Drivin’ faster… I can’t wait… to see you again…
I can’t wait… can’t wait… to see you again

V2
With every thought I leave reality behind
Time is a magician playing tricks on my fear
Traveling in my mind speeding to transcend time
Trying to arrive before I miss you… leaving me

CHORUS

BRIDGE
Losing myself in illusions – reality I can’t find
Trying to make my beliefs real – lost in time…

CHORUS

Outro: I can’t wait… can’t wait …to see you again…


© 2017 Lyrics By David A. Pritchett & Music by Jeff Wisnom (Singer)

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