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When You Found Me

Michael R. J. Roth

June 09, 2017

Genre: Country

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Hit songwriter reveals how to write songs that artists want to cut!

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Views: 242

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4 Responses


Phillip Lemmonds

Michael, I like the idea behind the song, but it feels a little long to me.  By the third verse, I’d kinda lost interest.

I feel something is missing in the lyrics.  In V1, you’re broken, in V2, you found her, and in V3, she’s kissing you.  There’s a lot that went on in between and maybe that’s why I don’t feel the connection.  More details might make it better.

I’ve always had this thing for the word “just”.  Seems like it gets used as a “filler” word to take up space so the melody stays on rhythm,  but it doesn’t really add anything to the song.  You’ve got two of them in the first verse, and at least one of them needs to go.  You’ve also got one in the second verse.

If it were me, I’d probably drop the “And” from the beginning of the chorus, and maybe the second one also.

My thoughts…

Phillip

June 12, 2017

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Michael R. J. Roth

Thanks for taking the time to listen, Phillip! I was trying to keep the song simple, but maybe it’s too simple. You’re right that “just” is often used as filler. That’s not always a problem, unless you notice it, and you did. I’ll give that some thought. In the second verse, it’s very deliberate. Appreciate your thoughts!

Michael

June 12, 2017

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Phillip Lemmonds

I believe the “just” in V2 is okay, as you could substitute the word “only” and the meaning of the line wouldn’t change.

In V1, you might could use it in the “star just fell” line,  but here’s another thought.  Rewrite the lines to something like:

Where I stood my (adjective) ground, while every falling star (adverb) fell

Just an idea…

Phillip

June 12, 2017

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Michael R. J. Roth

Thanks. I’ll let it simmer. I’m not sure about breaking up “I stood my ground,” because it’s a set phrase.

The other thing is that in speech, verbal ornamentation tends to be glossed over.

June 12, 2017

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Phillip Lemmonds

Michael, I like the idea behind the song, but it feels a little long to me.  By the third verse, I’d kinda lost interest.

I feel something is missing in the lyrics.  In V1, you’re broken, in V2, you found her, and in V3, she’s kissing you.  There’s a lot that went on in between and maybe that’s why I don’t feel the connection.  More details might make it better.

I’ve always had this thing for the word “just”.  Seems like it gets used as a “filler” word to take up space so the melody stays on rhythm,  but it doesn’t really add anything to the song.  You’ve got two of them in the first verse, and at least one of them needs to go.  You’ve also got one in the second verse.

If it were me, I’d probably drop the “And” from the beginning of the chorus, and maybe the second one also.

My thoughts…

Phillip

June 12, 2017

0

Michael R. J. Roth

Thanks for taking the time to listen, Phillip! I was trying to keep the song simple, but maybe it’s too simple. You’re right that “just” is often used as filler. That’s not always a problem, unless you notice it, and you did. I’ll give that some thought. In the second verse, it’s very deliberate. Appreciate your thoughts!

Michael

June 12, 2017

0

Phillip Lemmonds

I believe the “just” in V2 is okay, as you could substitute the word “only” and the meaning of the line wouldn’t change.

In V1, you might could use it in the “star just fell” line,  but here’s another thought.  Rewrite the lines to something like:

Where I stood my (adjective) ground, while every falling star (adverb) fell

Just an idea…

Phillip

June 12, 2017

0

Michael R. J. Roth

Thanks. I’ll let it simmer. I’m not sure about breaking up “I stood my ground,” because it’s a set phrase.

The other thing is that in speech, verbal ornamentation tends to be glossed over.

June 12, 2017


They could’ve named a ghost town after me.
I should've been a hero 
On a black and white TV,
Where I just stood my ground
While every falling star just fell
Like ashes all around.
Yeah, that was me.

Chorus:
And when you found me,
the ruins of my life lay all around me.
And when you came to me
I saw an angel walking on a troubled sea.
You reached into my heart
and rescued me.

In a cafe, Santa Fe, New Mexico,
the dust and sweat of a working day
falling off my clothes,
you walked up to me
with just a cup of coffee
and the music of a radio.
That’s all I know.

(Chorus)

When I saw you in the morning light,
I knew the reason for the morning
and the meaning of the light.
When you kissed me in the dark,
I understood without a doubt
the reason for my heart
Was in your smile.

(Chorus)

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