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The Africaan Poet

Robert Lloyd

June 06, 2017

Genre: Pop

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About This Song


A fictitious story good and bad, the best of life and then of tragedy. Young boy works hard, loves his family, becomes a local popular writer and poet, marries the fairest girl in town, and then the horror of horrors occur.

Though fictitious, it is based on actual events going now and prevalent in this modern world of ours.

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Do we as writers only write for personal gain or do we also write from the heart and of tragedy in the world. PF Sloan wrote "Eve of Destruction" in 1964 and Barry McGuire recorded it to much acclaim. Dylann made a career of it as did Pete Seeger, Peter Paul and Mary, Lennon and McCartney and even George Harrison (Taxman) and of course Bono. Do we in Nashville still have purpose as writers or do we just write fluff and be happy and let other genres deliver their messages? Do we only write about beer, pickup trucks and chasing Peggy Sue?


5 Responses


Phillip Lemmonds

So many things on this one…

Should Africaan be spelled with a “k” instead of the “c”?

Musically, the production is good, and feels easy going, which belies the ending to the song.  Since there is no chorus, the music feels a little monotonous.  You might consider taking one of the verses up a few steps, maybe the last one.

Lyrically, you have a few of those “filler” words which don’t add anything to the song except timing.  “And so he honored his father” would be better as “He honered his ______ ______ father”, which doesn’t throw off the timing.  In the line “and this girl that he loved”, I’ll let the “that” slide, but could be written differently eliminating “that”.

When a robber points a gun at you, would they really say “Now” before demanding your money?  I know you did it for the timing, but don’t believe that’s how they would talk.

Now to the statement part of your song.  I get what you’re saying in the song, but does anybody really want to hear about murder and rape while listening to music (except hard rap)?

It’s fine as a performing artist to write songs that contain political statements and opinions, and the public will judge whether you become popular or not.  But, I think most writers on Frettie are writing for other people, and therefore must conform to what’s acceptable and popular at the time.

Several of your songs appear to be written years ago… a different time.  Long before we had political correctness, sensitivity training, and sexual harassment seminars.  Most of what was cut 30 years ago wouldn’t stand a chance today. 

You have some good ideas that could be relevant today, but every time we make suggestions to make a song better, we get shot down. You say it changes the meaning of the song… well, yes it does!  Like I said, I believe most folks here are looking for commercial success.

My dream is to hear one of my songs on the radio.  If I happen to make a little money during my retirement years, great, but that’s not my motivation.

Not trying to put you down at all, but it makes things easier when reviewing one of your songs to know if you looking for radio play, or writing for yourself.

Phillip

June 06, 2017

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Robert Lloyd

I have spelled it both with a ‘k’ and without. Sorry you feel you get shot down by me. Let me just say this then… “appreciate you feedback.” <g>

June 07, 2017

No members have liked this comment.

Robert Lloyd

Oops… forgot the ‘r’ in your, and sorry about the ‘that’ and the ‘now’... “Ok Phil, now put your hands up!” LOL

June 07, 2017

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barry guy

Nice song Robert, I could feel the `drama coming through and I thought that your arrangement fitted the song.
We are entitled to please ourselves rather than the commercial avenues at times eh ?

June 08, 2017

Robert Lloyd

Thanks Barry. And I too liked the arrangement I did as it was ‘different’... and I felt, at least, that the tension building to the last verse was captured. This was never to be pitched to a karaoke performer on a Nashville label, and was posted as merely “a songwriter” that worked on something different for the sake of art and to make a statement as an artist. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that? Bottom line… art is what it’s all about.

June 09, 2017

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0

Phillip Lemmonds

So many things on this one…

Should Africaan be spelled with a “k” instead of the “c”?

Musically, the production is good, and feels easy going, which belies the ending to the song.  Since there is no chorus, the music feels a little monotonous.  You might consider taking one of the verses up a few steps, maybe the last one.

Lyrically, you have a few of those “filler” words which don’t add anything to the song except timing.  “And so he honored his father” would be better as “He honered his ______ ______ father”, which doesn’t throw off the timing.  In the line “and this girl that he loved”, I’ll let the “that” slide, but could be written differently eliminating “that”.

When a robber points a gun at you, would they really say “Now” before demanding your money?  I know you did it for the timing, but don’t believe that’s how they would talk.

Now to the statement part of your song.  I get what you’re saying in the song, but does anybody really want to hear about murder and rape while listening to music (except hard rap)?

It’s fine as a performing artist to write songs that contain political statements and opinions, and the public will judge whether you become popular or not.  But, I think most writers on Frettie are writing for other people, and therefore must conform to what’s acceptable and popular at the time.

Several of your songs appear to be written years ago… a different time.  Long before we had political correctness, sensitivity training, and sexual harassment seminars.  Most of what was cut 30 years ago wouldn’t stand a chance today. 

You have some good ideas that could be relevant today, but every time we make suggestions to make a song better, we get shot down. You say it changes the meaning of the song… well, yes it does!  Like I said, I believe most folks here are looking for commercial success.

My dream is to hear one of my songs on the radio.  If I happen to make a little money during my retirement years, great, but that’s not my motivation.

Not trying to put you down at all, but it makes things easier when reviewing one of your songs to know if you looking for radio play, or writing for yourself.

Phillip

June 06, 2017

0

Robert Lloyd

I have spelled it both with a ‘k’ and without. Sorry you feel you get shot down by me. Let me just say this then… “appreciate you feedback.” <g>

June 07, 2017

0

Robert Lloyd

Oops… forgot the ‘r’ in your, and sorry about the ‘that’ and the ‘now’... “Ok Phil, now put your hands up!” LOL

June 07, 2017

1

barry guy

Nice song Robert, I could feel the `drama coming through and I thought that your arrangement fitted the song.
We are entitled to please ourselves rather than the commercial avenues at times eh ?

June 08, 2017

0

Robert Lloyd

Thanks Barry. And I too liked the arrangement I did as it was ‘different’... and I felt, at least, that the tension building to the last verse was captured. This was never to be pitched to a karaoke performer on a Nashville label, and was posted as merely “a songwriter” that worked on something different for the sake of art and to make a statement as an artist. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that? Bottom line… art is what it’s all about.

June 09, 2017


The Africaan Poet

Written by Robert Lloyd

'The Africaan Poet'
Written by Robert Lloyd
(239) 936-9555 (Email: robertlloydmusic@cs.com)

(Verse 1)
Once there was a young boy, a good boy named John...
He would run and play; his mother's favorite son...
He always learned and listened, of the world and such...
And so he honored his father, and loved his mother so much...

(Verse 2)
With all his friends and family, grew up a talented man...
Excelled at rhyme and reason, with pen and paper in hand...
One day he met this young girl, the fairest of them all...
Of golden hair and fancy, he wrote about his fall...

(Verse 3)
The people all read about him, and this girl that he loved...
They wished him well when they married, gave praise to God above...
The world now turned around him, with a beautiful wife...
With dogs and cats and his poetry, he lived the happiest life...

(Verse 4)
Then one night there were strangers, came knocking at the door...
“Now give us all of your money, and all your silver and gold”....
They shot and killed this young man, and beat and raped his wife...
His newspaper said nothing, no mention of his life...

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