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This is about someone suspecting their partner is roaming and them needing time apart, but hoping they get back together.
Music and Melody by Steve Colin
Words by Roger Knott
Any feedback would be appreciated.
I agree about the words, not sure it’ll sound right dropping a syllable/note though. In fact I’m going to re-write the lyrics, been told they’re a bit cheesy and dated. Thank you Phillip, appreciate your input.
Steve
June 02, 2017
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Hey, Steve. Thanks for sharing your song. This song is a confusing to me for a couple reasons. For one, the 1st verse says “we need to be apart” so it sounds like the singer WANTS to be apart. But the chorus says she hopes he’ll come back. Then it has her doubting his faithfulness in verse 2. To clear this up, I’d say something like “but YOU say we need some time apart.” That’ll make it clear that it’s his idea to get some space.
The second point of confusion is just saying you’re out on a desert highway. I guess it’s just a metaphorical dry spell, but you don’t come out and show me how him being gone is like a desert highway. So maybe it’s literal? I’m not sure, so I’m up in my head trying to figure it out instead of in my heart empathizing with the singer.
Again, thanks for posting your song. I hope I’ve helped. Please pay it forward by leaving a comment on someone else’s song. Thanks!
June 03, 2017
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Hi Brent, Yes I agree. Good points. I can’t clarify as I’m not in touch with the lyricist and didn’t question it at the time. I’m not great on the lyric side of things and previous comments from publishers and producers were, (as I said to Phillip) they sound dated and a bit cheesy, so I’m hoping to find someone here on Frettie stronger in that department for a complete lyric re-write. Thank you for your time, taking a listen Brent, It’s very much appreciated.
June 04, 2017
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The picture of a woman out on a desert highway looks hot to me. Lyrically it needs some help as noted above. The song itself is retro sounding which is kind of cool to hear. The Love Boat theme song and the Bee Gees came to my mind right away. Keep working the idea Steve or set it on the back burner for now. I enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing.
June 07, 2017
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Yeah it’s on the back burner until I get new lyrics and then re-record it with hopefully a more current production. Thanks for your input Ronnie, appreciated.
June 07, 2017
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No members have liked this comment.
Hey Steve
This is a good song, really well produced and structured - but I think you’re right to want to re-visit the lyrics. I’d be interested in helping you with it if you want to get in touch. My stuff on here is a bit more rock-based but I’ve written some more middle of the road songs too (pardon the pun)!
October 19, 2017
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Verse
Everyone needs love to share
Living with someone to care
But you and me we need to be apart
Bridge
To find where our love has to start
We need some time to step outside
Where our feelings hide
Chorus
Out on a desert highway
Hoping that you’ll be going my way soon
You’ll be going my way soon
Lord what a dusty dry way
Hoping that you’ll be going my way soon
On this desert highway soon
Verse
Tell me you’ve got no one else
Wanting you all to her self
For I have doubts when love is out of sight
Bridge
I can’t put it out of my mind
That maybe I’m part of some cruel game
Only fools can play
Chorus
Out on a desert highway
Hoping that you’ll be going my way soon
You’ll be going my way soon
Lord what a dusty dry way
Hoping that you’ll be going my way soon
On this desert highway soon
Middle 8
Sometimes I wonder why I suffer through
Lonely nights for you
It’s all my fault I never take good advice
Coz I’ve been bitten twice
And I didn’t get wise
Chorus X2
Out on a desert highway
Hoping that you’ll be going my way soon
You’ll be going my way soon
Lord what a dusty dry way
Hoping that you’ll be going my way soon
On this desert highway soon
0
Steve, I really like the chorus, but the verses feel off to me. The verses start off slow than really speed up. Might just be me, but they don’t feel right.
In the chorus, you need to drop the word “that”. It’s a filler and doesn’t really add anything to the line. I’d rearrange the line to get rid of “soon” at the end to keep the same rhyme. I’d go with “Hoping you’ll soon be going my way”. Also drop the “soon” from the last line of the chorus… it detracts from the title.
I’d also drop the “and” from the middle 8. It gives a little more punch to “I didn’t get wise”.
My thoughts,
Phillip
June 02, 2017
0
I agree about the words, not sure it’ll sound right dropping a syllable/note though. In fact I’m going to re-write the lyrics, been told they’re a bit cheesy and dated. Thank you Phillip, appreciate your input.
Steve
June 02, 2017
0
Hey, Steve. Thanks for sharing your song. This song is a confusing to me for a couple reasons. For one, the 1st verse says “we need to be apart” so it sounds like the singer WANTS to be apart. But the chorus says she hopes he’ll come back. Then it has her doubting his faithfulness in verse 2. To clear this up, I’d say something like “but YOU say we need some time apart.” That’ll make it clear that it’s his idea to get some space.
The second point of confusion is just saying you’re out on a desert highway. I guess it’s just a metaphorical dry spell, but you don’t come out and show me how him being gone is like a desert highway. So maybe it’s literal? I’m not sure, so I’m up in my head trying to figure it out instead of in my heart empathizing with the singer.
Again, thanks for posting your song. I hope I’ve helped. Please pay it forward by leaving a comment on someone else’s song. Thanks!
June 03, 2017
0
Hi Brent, Yes I agree. Good points. I can’t clarify as I’m not in touch with the lyricist and didn’t question it at the time. I’m not great on the lyric side of things and previous comments from publishers and producers were, (as I said to Phillip) they sound dated and a bit cheesy, so I’m hoping to find someone here on Frettie stronger in that department for a complete lyric re-write. Thank you for your time, taking a listen Brent, It’s very much appreciated.
June 04, 2017
0
The picture of a woman out on a desert highway looks hot to me. Lyrically it needs some help as noted above. The song itself is retro sounding which is kind of cool to hear. The Love Boat theme song and the Bee Gees came to my mind right away. Keep working the idea Steve or set it on the back burner for now. I enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing.
June 07, 2017
0
Yeah it’s on the back burner until I get new lyrics and then re-record it with hopefully a more current production. Thanks for your input Ronnie, appreciated.
June 07, 2017
0
Great chord progression, Steve. Really good. Not forced, but sophisticated.
June 13, 2017
0
Hey Steve
This is a good song, really well produced and structured - but I think you’re right to want to re-visit the lyrics. I’d be interested in helping you with it if you want to get in touch. My stuff on here is a bit more rock-based but I’ve written some more middle of the road songs too (pardon the pun)!
October 19, 2017
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Phillip Lemmonds
Steve, I really like the chorus, but the verses feel off to me. The verses start off slow than really speed up. Might just be me, but they don’t feel right.
In the chorus, you need to drop the word “that”. It’s a filler and doesn’t really add anything to the line. I’d rearrange the line to get rid of “soon” at the end to keep the same rhyme. I’d go with “Hoping you’ll soon be going my way”. Also drop the “soon” from the last line of the chorus… it detracts from the title.
I’d also drop the “and” from the middle 8. It gives a little more punch to “I didn’t get wise”.
My thoughts,
Phillip
June 02, 2017
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