Demo
Any all feedback always welcomed!
Thanks for the comments, Jeffrey, this is not me singing, if I had this voice I would sing all my songs. Her name is Check out the Party Crashers the female singer sang for me. Jenny is amazing.
May 21, 2017
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you got your coat on
looking at your phone
your mind in a whole different world
say goodbye like you've had enough
then you leave me in the dust
the gate slams and the tail-lights fade
questions flood my mind
is it me tell me are you blind
we're running out of time
Chorus
because you don't even know me
you don't seem to care
I'm looking right at you
there's nobody there
I got on foot out the door
and then one look in your eye's
you got me baby, you got me hypnotized
we lay in bed
works flowing through your head
I tell you about my day
you grin and stare like it's so hard to bare
did you even hear a single thing or word I said
chorus
Bridge(newer lyrics)
Board up the windows
lock your phone out the door
candle lit dinner
love me like you did before
my hearts at war
because you don't even know me
you don't seem to care
you haven't seen crazy
well baby I'm here
I won't look in those eye's
until you give me your time
don't let me say goodbye
1
I like the music as it fits the theme, but I think the lyrics need a little polishing.
I’m a little confused. In the chorus you say you’ve got a foot out the door, but in V1, he’s the one leaving. If you meant he was on his way to work, but you were going to leave for good, it needs to be stated clearer.
In V1, I’d change to “Is it me, or are you blind”. One too many syllables in the current line. In V2, I’d drop the “so” and make it “it’s hard to bare”.
That’s about all I’ve got for this one,
Phillip
May 20, 2017
0
Thanks for the comments, Jeffrey, this is not me singing, if I had this voice I would sing all my songs. Her name is Check out the Party Crashers the female singer sang for me. Jenny is amazing.
May 21, 2017
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Phillip Lemmonds
I like the music as it fits the theme, but I think the lyrics need a little polishing.
I’m a little confused. In the chorus you say you’ve got a foot out the door, but in V1, he’s the one leaving. If you meant he was on his way to work, but you were going to leave for good, it needs to be stated clearer.
In V1, I’d change to “Is it me, or are you blind”. One too many syllables in the current line. In V2, I’d drop the “so” and make it “it’s hard to bare”.
That’s about all I’ve got for this one,
Phillip
May 20, 2017