We've all been there....
Billy, my apologies if the above post seems harsh, I didn’t mean it that way. I should have phrased it better! I think my own frustrations were coming through for the times I’ve been told the same thing.
Keep writing,
Phillip
May 15, 2017
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No worries Phillip. Just ran with an idea I had on a given day without much thought about whether i would alienate a particular audience. Was just having fun with it.
May 15, 2017
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So you’ve had it with my lack of attention
Watching ball all day ain’t how to score
Well throw a flag down on me dear
But honey let me be clear
I’m sorry I ain’t sorry anymore
So you say I don’t know how to treat a woman
That I’m a loser and a boozer and a bore
Well now just you listen up here honey
You’re right there on the money
And I’m sorry I ain’t sorry anymore
Now Sundays are for golfing and poker
Not for honey-do lists and chores
So listen to me dear
You won’t find me around here
I’m sorry I ain’t sorry anymore
Well I’ve learned all I can learn and I’m grateful
You showed me what life might have in store
So before I get to leaving
Darlin’ you best be believing
Sundays are for golfing and poker
Not for mopping up your bathroom floor
Listen to me dear
You won’t find me around here
I’m sorry I ain’t sorry anymore
I’m sorry I ain’t sorry anymore
I’m sorry I ain’t sorry anymore
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The title/hook is a little catchy, but I don’t believe your theme will fly. Why does somebody want to listen to a song about a self-centered guy who’s dumping his girl? I’ve written a couple of songs like this. When I show them to my songwriting friends, fist thing they ask me, “Why is she still with this loser?”.
If you were writing about a self-destructive person who you’d warned on multiple occasions they were headed down the wrong path, the title might work, but I don’t think so in a “relationship” song.
You have several useless words in the lyrics. The words “so”, “well”, and “just” are what I call “filler” words. All they do is take up space and don’t add anything to the meaning of the song. If you sing the lyrics without these words, the lyrics become more powerful. It’s okay to use fillers when flushing out a song for the timing of the melody. Once polished, all filler words should be gone.
My .02…
Phillip
May 14, 2017
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Billy, my apologies if the above post seems harsh, I didn’t mean it that way. I should have phrased it better! I think my own frustrations were coming through for the times I’ve been told the same thing.
Keep writing,
Phillip
May 15, 2017
0
No worries Phillip. Just ran with an idea I had on a given day without much thought about whether i would alienate a particular audience. Was just having fun with it.
May 15, 2017
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Phillip Lemmonds
The title/hook is a little catchy, but I don’t believe your theme will fly. Why does somebody want to listen to a song about a self-centered guy who’s dumping his girl? I’ve written a couple of songs like this. When I show them to my songwriting friends, fist thing they ask me, “Why is she still with this loser?”.
If you were writing about a self-destructive person who you’d warned on multiple occasions they were headed down the wrong path, the title might work, but I don’t think so in a “relationship” song.
You have several useless words in the lyrics. The words “so”, “well”, and “just” are what I call “filler” words. All they do is take up space and don’t add anything to the meaning of the song. If you sing the lyrics without these words, the lyrics become more powerful. It’s okay to use fillers when flushing out a song for the timing of the melody. Once polished, all filler words should be gone.
My .02…
Phillip
May 14, 2017
No members have liked this comment.