this song has a good feel, but I think the arrangement overpowers the voice; without the lyrics I would not have known wwhat you were saying and sometimes we get coaught up in the music and forget the listener doesn’t have the lyric sheet ... reminds me of old Bruce Hornsby… blessings on ya <><
May 06, 2017
Hey Matt! I think your song is okay, but there’s nothing that jumps out and grabs me. Nothing that makes me want to listen to it again. I think it’s because there’s not a lot of difference between the verses and the chorus. I’d suggest changing the chorus either musically, or the melody. Maybe have the vocals rise in the chorus. Not really sure, but something to make a clear distinction between the two.
Just sharing my thoughts…
Phillip
May 08, 2017
Hey Matt,
This song has a good vibe to it. I could hear the Bruce Hornsby sound that Gregg mentioned and something about the rhythm or phrasing made me think of “Southern Cross” by CSN. The repetition in the melody does one thing right and that’s get stuck in my head - I walked away after listening for a few minutes to do something else and found myself continuing to hum the melody, so good job!
A couple thoughts about making it stronger, though: The melody in the chorus (to me) sounds the same as the verse and the repetition (while initially good) gets monotonous. The background vocals are cool and do a little to help this out but I think it would be even better if there was a noticeable difference in the lead melody. I would try going up at the end of the phrases - like on the words “before” and “lead”. You do it on “for sure” but I would actually take those other lines even higher. Just to set the chorus apart a little more.
Lyrically - you do a lot of “telling” and not much “showing.” Finding a way to include some imagery (using any of the senses) would give the listener more of something to grab on to. This wouldn’t necessarily have to be literal or linear story telling it could be through metaphor or simile. I’m sorry I don’t have any specific suggestions but hey, I don’t want to try to write your song for you either! I think the central idea of not wanting to get too attached or put in the effort because of past “relationship failures” is a good one and absolutely something everyone can relate to but it’s also one that has been done before (a lot) and probably requires some extra work to make it fresh and unique.
Hope at least something in there is useful for you. Thanks for sharing!
May 08, 2017
Hey, Matt! Thanks for sharing your song. I like that the song has tempo- so it feels good even though it’s a negative/sad idea.
Now, a couple suggestions. Basically, your current girl is driving you insane (like every other girl has), so you’re leaving her. She wants you to stay, but you won’t.
I don’t really like this guy. I’m not rooting for him.
But I think a few changes can get you back in the listener’s good graces. Maybe your relationships fall apart mutually- you’re fighting too much. Or maybe she leaves you (like the other girls did, too). This keeps you from being the guy that just dumps the girl ‘cuz he gets bored with her.
In verse 1, do more showing and less telling. How about you paint the picture of them fighting or of him packing the car, throwing the suitcase in the backseat, etc. Starting off with “every time I give my love it ends the same” steals a lot of the heat off the chorus. The chorus isn’t really telling us anything new. Ironically, we get the feeling in the chorus that “we’ve been down this road before.” Think of a map this way:
Verse 1: I’m packing up the car in the sunset light while you’re back in your locked bedroom- not even watching me go.
Chorus: I’ve been down this road before.
Verse 2: Too many of my loves have ended this way. Too much fighting, not enough making up.
Chorus: I’ve been down this road before.
Verse 3: I’m gonna kick myself for this - for not trying harder. I’m gonna wonder what might’ve been. I always do.
Chorus: I’ve been down this road before.
Just a thought. I hope it helps. Please pay it forward by leaving a comment on another writer’s song. Thanks!
May 08, 2017
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Down That Road by Matt Maloof
(verse1) Every time I give my love it ends the same, guess there's really no one else but me to blame
Better think of something to make a change, cause every girl I pick drives me insane, and I said,
(chorus) I think I been down that road before, maybe not with you but someone else for sure, there's only one place that it can lead and that's a place I've already seen
(verse2) And I think that I think it might be time for me to say, sorry but I must be on my way yeah,
you know I really hate to see you cry, but these feelings I can't hold inside, and I said
(chorus) I think I been down that road before, maybe not with you but someone else for sure, there's only one place that it can lead and that's a place I've already seen
(verse3) And she said, there's really no reason for you to go, give me one more chance, I can change I know, things will be better this time you'll see, so come on baby and stay with me, and I said
(chorus) I think I been down that road before, maybe not with you but someone else for sure, there's only one place that it can lead and that's a place I've already seen
That's a place I've already seen, That's a place I've all ready seen,
That's a place I've already seen, That's a place I've all ready seen,
1
Nice song, especially like the piano outro… the rest reminds me that I, too, often do what is expected, not where I really want to go. Allow yourself to be who you are before you become a part of the Machine. You’ll have plenty of time to conform later.
May 05, 2017
1
this song has a good feel, but I think the arrangement overpowers the voice; without the lyrics I would not have known wwhat you were saying and sometimes we get coaught up in the music and forget the listener doesn’t have the lyric sheet ... reminds me of old Bruce Hornsby… blessings on ya <><
May 06, 2017
1
Hey Matt! I think your song is okay, but there’s nothing that jumps out and grabs me. Nothing that makes me want to listen to it again. I think it’s because there’s not a lot of difference between the verses and the chorus. I’d suggest changing the chorus either musically, or the melody. Maybe have the vocals rise in the chorus. Not really sure, but something to make a clear distinction between the two.
Just sharing my thoughts…
Phillip
May 08, 2017
1
Hey Matt,
This song has a good vibe to it. I could hear the Bruce Hornsby sound that Gregg mentioned and something about the rhythm or phrasing made me think of “Southern Cross” by CSN. The repetition in the melody does one thing right and that’s get stuck in my head - I walked away after listening for a few minutes to do something else and found myself continuing to hum the melody, so good job!
A couple thoughts about making it stronger, though: The melody in the chorus (to me) sounds the same as the verse and the repetition (while initially good) gets monotonous. The background vocals are cool and do a little to help this out but I think it would be even better if there was a noticeable difference in the lead melody. I would try going up at the end of the phrases - like on the words “before” and “lead”. You do it on “for sure” but I would actually take those other lines even higher. Just to set the chorus apart a little more.
Lyrically - you do a lot of “telling” and not much “showing.” Finding a way to include some imagery (using any of the senses) would give the listener more of something to grab on to. This wouldn’t necessarily have to be literal or linear story telling it could be through metaphor or simile. I’m sorry I don’t have any specific suggestions but hey, I don’t want to try to write your song for you either! I think the central idea of not wanting to get too attached or put in the effort because of past “relationship failures” is a good one and absolutely something everyone can relate to but it’s also one that has been done before (a lot) and probably requires some extra work to make it fresh and unique.
Hope at least something in there is useful for you. Thanks for sharing!
May 08, 2017
1
Hey, Matt! Thanks for sharing your song. I like that the song has tempo- so it feels good even though it’s a negative/sad idea.
Now, a couple suggestions. Basically, your current girl is driving you insane (like every other girl has), so you’re leaving her. She wants you to stay, but you won’t.
I don’t really like this guy. I’m not rooting for him.
But I think a few changes can get you back in the listener’s good graces. Maybe your relationships fall apart mutually- you’re fighting too much. Or maybe she leaves you (like the other girls did, too). This keeps you from being the guy that just dumps the girl ‘cuz he gets bored with her.
In verse 1, do more showing and less telling. How about you paint the picture of them fighting or of him packing the car, throwing the suitcase in the backseat, etc. Starting off with “every time I give my love it ends the same” steals a lot of the heat off the chorus. The chorus isn’t really telling us anything new. Ironically, we get the feeling in the chorus that “we’ve been down this road before.” Think of a map this way:
Verse 1: I’m packing up the car in the sunset light while you’re back in your locked bedroom- not even watching me go.
Chorus: I’ve been down this road before.
Verse 2: Too many of my loves have ended this way. Too much fighting, not enough making up.
Chorus: I’ve been down this road before.
Verse 3: I’m gonna kick myself for this - for not trying harder. I’m gonna wonder what might’ve been. I always do.
Chorus: I’ve been down this road before.
Just a thought. I hope it helps. Please pay it forward by leaving a comment on another writer’s song. Thanks!
May 08, 2017
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Jackson Lucas
Nice song, especially like the piano outro… the rest reminds me that I, too, often do what is expected, not where I really want to go. Allow yourself to be who you are before you become a part of the Machine. You’ll have plenty of time to conform later.
May 05, 2017