This song is about a moment that should be happy but for some reason is not.
Any and all feedback, thoughts, reactions, etc.
I’d consider dropping the word “just” in the last line of the chorus, to add a little more emphasis to the title. Would also give a pause before the payoff.
Can’t put my finger on it, but the line “I used to see my life” doesn’t feel right.
Keep writing!
Phillip
April 29, 2017
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Thanks Brent and Phillip - appreciate you guys listening and taking the time to leave some feedback! Good stuff to think about.
April 29, 2017
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Hi Sean - I am with Brent - as I was listening I was conflicted trying to figure out what emotion you wanted me to feel. I love the line - now your just a picture in a drawer.
May 01, 2017
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Hey Mikalyn - Thanks for listening and leaving your feedback!
I didn’t include any extra explanation in the description of this one because I wanted to see what people’s impressions were first… I’m actually happy that both you and Brent felt emotionally conflicted because that is exactly the point of the song. The original title was “Miss the Pain” and the central idea was that I/the singer had built up an identity around being heartbroken after the relationship had ended, and discovering that he was finally ready to move on was kind of like another “breakup” so to speak. The really short idea is that I am sad because I’m not sad anymore. It’s confusing, it’s conflicting and the singer doesn’t really know how to react.
I tried to make the song more focused and accessible by “showing” more than “telling” and making the “picture in a drawer” the focus that the song can revolve around but wanted to leave the central idea of “missing the pain” intact. I know that’s a weird thing to say and pain is not something most people would say that they miss. However, I think human emotions are complex and don’t always make rational sense. This song was based on a real feeling that I felt and I guess I’m trusting that if I felt it, someone else may have felt that way at one point too.
Don’t know if that will change anyone’s perspective on the song and I’m certainly aware that this lengthy explanation could not accompany the song every time a listener hears it… Perhaps this could be one that offers multiple interpretations and each listener can take from it what makes sense for them??
May 01, 2017
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hey sean
i read the lyrics. as i was typing what i thought of the lyrics, i scrolled up to see the other feedback.
saved me some typing since i got the same impression of the emotional conflict going on here.
maybe in the first line of the chorus instead of saying “Now it feels just like I’m losing you again” say something like “Now i don’t feel like losing you again” you know like you can control your emotions and won’t allow yourself to go back to that dark place you crawled out of already. eff that $hit.
This to me would help make the chorus feel complete and not so conflicted and flow better.
.02 deposited.
Brian
May 17, 2017
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i forgot to add that a line like i suggested gives the singer empowerment.
May 17, 2017
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Brian - thanks for listening and for taking the time to leave some feedback. I’m not sure “empowered” is really what I was going for here - as I was trying to explain in my reply to some of the other comments. Maybe I just didn’t do the job I thought I did of conveying a vulnerable, complicated and “grey area” emotion. On to the next one I suppose!
May 18, 2017
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Picture in a drawer
Tucked behind the socks
I'd been keeping it there
I guess I forgot
Worked its way into view
This week on laundry day
Looking at you, I felt something new
A feeling I couldn't explain
There was an emptiness inside
Where I expected it to hurt
All that time getting over you
I guess it finally worked
CHORUS
Now it feels just like I'm losing you again
When I look into your eyes
I know now this is the end
I'd been holding on to you
By holding on to the pain
You were my sleepless nights
What I'd been crying for
Now you're just a picture in a drawer
Hair all in a mess
Almost hid your eyes
Blue peeking through
Just enough to catch the light
Halfway through a laugh
The camera took you by surprise
What happened next, the lens didn't catch
But it's still there in my mind
Now it’s just a snapshot
A single moment in another time
When I looked at this old photograph
I used to see my life
CHORUS
BRIDGE:
Well if I'm done holding on
Why can't I throw it away
Been missing you for so long
Now I think I miss the pain
CHORUS
0
Hey, Sean! Thanks for sharing. There’s some cool stuff here. I like that it’s sad/positive. Bittersweet. I think it takes too long to get to the first chorus. Too much setup on the sock drawer and finding it. What’s really important is that you found it after a long time. I like how the 2nd verse alludes to what happened after that picture was taken- and how you use that to tell us more about her and the relationship. Nice.
The 1st line of the chorus feels like it really hurts, but you’re saying it doesn’t really hurt. It’s emotionally conflicting. It’s hard to write about being non-emotional in an emotional way… but that’s the battle you’ve chosen!
Hope that helps. Please pay it forward by leaving a comment or review on someone else’s song. Thanks!
April 28, 2017
0
I’d consider dropping the word “just” in the last line of the chorus, to add a little more emphasis to the title. Would also give a pause before the payoff.
Can’t put my finger on it, but the line “I used to see my life” doesn’t feel right.
Keep writing!
Phillip
April 29, 2017
0
Thanks Brent and Phillip - appreciate you guys listening and taking the time to leave some feedback! Good stuff to think about.
April 29, 2017
0
Hi Sean - I am with Brent - as I was listening I was conflicted trying to figure out what emotion you wanted me to feel. I love the line - now your just a picture in a drawer.
May 01, 2017
0
Hey Mikalyn - Thanks for listening and leaving your feedback!
I didn’t include any extra explanation in the description of this one because I wanted to see what people’s impressions were first… I’m actually happy that both you and Brent felt emotionally conflicted because that is exactly the point of the song. The original title was “Miss the Pain” and the central idea was that I/the singer had built up an identity around being heartbroken after the relationship had ended, and discovering that he was finally ready to move on was kind of like another “breakup” so to speak. The really short idea is that I am sad because I’m not sad anymore. It’s confusing, it’s conflicting and the singer doesn’t really know how to react.
I tried to make the song more focused and accessible by “showing” more than “telling” and making the “picture in a drawer” the focus that the song can revolve around but wanted to leave the central idea of “missing the pain” intact. I know that’s a weird thing to say and pain is not something most people would say that they miss. However, I think human emotions are complex and don’t always make rational sense. This song was based on a real feeling that I felt and I guess I’m trusting that if I felt it, someone else may have felt that way at one point too.
Don’t know if that will change anyone’s perspective on the song and I’m certainly aware that this lengthy explanation could not accompany the song every time a listener hears it… Perhaps this could be one that offers multiple interpretations and each listener can take from it what makes sense for them??
May 01, 2017
0
hey sean
i read the lyrics. as i was typing what i thought of the lyrics, i scrolled up to see the other feedback.
saved me some typing since i got the same impression of the emotional conflict going on here.
maybe in the first line of the chorus instead of saying “Now it feels just like I’m losing you again” say something like “Now i don’t feel like losing you again” you know like you can control your emotions and won’t allow yourself to go back to that dark place you crawled out of already. eff that $hit.
This to me would help make the chorus feel complete and not so conflicted and flow better.
.02 deposited.
Brian
May 17, 2017
0
i forgot to add that a line like i suggested gives the singer empowerment.
May 17, 2017
0
Brian - thanks for listening and for taking the time to leave some feedback. I’m not sure “empowered” is really what I was going for here - as I was trying to explain in my reply to some of the other comments. Maybe I just didn’t do the job I thought I did of conveying a vulnerable, complicated and “grey area” emotion. On to the next one I suppose!
May 18, 2017
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Brent Baxter
Hey, Sean! Thanks for sharing. There’s some cool stuff here. I like that it’s sad/positive. Bittersweet. I think it takes too long to get to the first chorus. Too much setup on the sock drawer and finding it. What’s really important is that you found it after a long time. I like how the 2nd verse alludes to what happened after that picture was taken- and how you use that to tell us more about her and the relationship. Nice.
The 1st line of the chorus feels like it really hurts, but you’re saying it doesn’t really hurt. It’s emotionally conflicting. It’s hard to write about being non-emotional in an emotional way… but that’s the battle you’ve chosen!
Hope that helps. Please pay it forward by leaving a comment or review on someone else’s song. Thanks!
April 28, 2017
No members have liked this comment.