A friend of mine was making some pretty bad choices - this is a song about watching it happen and knowing that the ending was inevitable.
I wrote this song with a Piano focus - do you feel that the Piano works for a piece like this.
Had another idea on the title. You could change it to “My Titanic”, which makes it more personal and not about the actual ship. Then change the line in the chorus to “You’re my Titanic”.
Just a thought…
Phillip
April 22, 2017
Thanks Phillip - the back story on the song is about a friend that was making some very Titanic mistakes. I wanted it to be ominous and dark. Despite the warning signs - they continued on. I like the idea of My Titanic - thanks for taking the time to listen Phillip. I am a young songwriter - learning all the time.
April 22, 2017
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Hey Mikalyn,
This is a very cool song. I love the vibe and I think the arrangement was very well done. Piano definitely works with the mood. I absolutely love the melody in the pre-chorus when you went to that unexpected note (augmented 4th I think?) - hooked me right away!
Lyrically I think it’s pretty strong but there’s something about the chorus that just doesn’t sit perfectly for me - but I’m not really sure what it is. I think the “pure panic” line feels a little off. My impression is that you are describing this person’s actions as blissfully unaware as they continue on their course and it almost feels like the line should reflect that the panic is coming later (like you, the singer, know about it but the person you are singing too does not). I don’t know if that makes any sense. I’m also coming from a more “country” writing background which demands literal and linear writing so this may work just fine in the pop world.
Anyway, great job!
April 26, 2017
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Thanks Sean - I will return the favor and listen to some of your new tracks. I hear you about more story - I sometime push my producer/writer to not end the song till the story is more complete. He tends to say - its about the sound and that most people wont listen to the story anyway 
I remember coming up with pure panic and Bobby and Murray just loved it so they locked it in. I agree when I listen back - it makes me squirm a bit.
April 27, 2017
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Titanic Acoustic Version
Written by Mikalyn Hay, Bobby John and Murray Daigle
Verse 1:
What were you thinking
Couldnt you just leave it alone
Cant see how to turn this around,
You look so surprised though
Where'd you expect this all to go
Feels like Im watching as you drown,
you drown
PreChorus
There's no use for these excuses
All these words have other uses
its to late to say I told you so
Chorus:
so sail
like your invincible
just like the titanic
pure panic
headed for a tragic end.
Verse 2
What were you thinking
With miles of darkness down below
its clear that your losing all control
Control
PreChorus
There's no use for these excuses
All these words have other uses
its to late to say I told you so
Chorus:
so sail
like your invincible
just like the titanic
pure panic
headed for a tragic end.
Bridge
Ohh oh woah
a race to the bottom
only you and the devil
Ohh oh woah
Sooo
Chorus:
so sail
like your invincible
just like the titanic
pure panic
headed for a tragic end.
1
I like the overall theme and concept, but not sure on the title. Referencing the Titanic has negative connotations for a lot of people. Maybe a title like “Sail On”, and change the first chorus line instead of “So sail”. You could still use Titanic in the chorus to get the idea across.
Maybe it’s me, but using words like “just” and “so” are filler words for meter and don’t add anything to the song.
I believe piano works great for the song, but on the recording, I’d turn down the electronic drums to let the piano come through more.
The more I think about it, the chorus might be confusing. It sounds like you’re telling them to keep going but you know they’re going to sink rather than trying to help them.
Just my thoughts…
Phillip
April 22, 2017
1
Had another idea on the title. You could change it to “My Titanic”, which makes it more personal and not about the actual ship. Then change the line in the chorus to “You’re my Titanic”.
Just a thought…
Phillip
April 22, 2017
0
Thanks Phillip - the back story on the song is about a friend that was making some very Titanic mistakes. I wanted it to be ominous and dark. Despite the warning signs - they continued on. I like the idea of My Titanic - thanks for taking the time to listen Phillip. I am a young songwriter - learning all the time.
April 22, 2017
0
Hey Mikalyn,
This is a very cool song. I love the vibe and I think the arrangement was very well done. Piano definitely works with the mood. I absolutely love the melody in the pre-chorus when you went to that unexpected note (augmented 4th I think?) - hooked me right away!
Lyrically I think it’s pretty strong but there’s something about the chorus that just doesn’t sit perfectly for me - but I’m not really sure what it is. I think the “pure panic” line feels a little off. My impression is that you are describing this person’s actions as blissfully unaware as they continue on their course and it almost feels like the line should reflect that the panic is coming later (like you, the singer, know about it but the person you are singing too does not). I don’t know if that makes any sense. I’m also coming from a more “country” writing background which demands literal and linear writing so this may work just fine in the pop world.
Anyway, great job!
April 26, 2017
1
Thanks Sean - I will return the favor and listen to some of your new tracks. I hear you about more story - I sometime push my producer/writer to not end the song till the story is more complete. He tends to say - its about the sound and that most people wont listen to the story anyway I remember coming up with pure panic and Bobby and Murray just loved it so they locked it in. I agree when I listen back - it makes me squirm a bit.
April 27, 2017
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Phillip Lemmonds
I like the overall theme and concept, but not sure on the title. Referencing the Titanic has negative connotations for a lot of people. Maybe a title like “Sail On”, and change the first chorus line instead of “So sail”. You could still use Titanic in the chorus to get the idea across.
Maybe it’s me, but using words like “just” and “so” are filler words for meter and don’t add anything to the song.
I believe piano works great for the song, but on the recording, I’d turn down the electronic drums to let the piano come through more.
The more I think about it, the chorus might be confusing. It sounds like you’re telling them to keep going but you know they’re going to sink rather than trying to help them.
Just my thoughts…
Phillip
April 22, 2017