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Pancake

CJ Marsicano

April 20, 2017

Genre: Rock

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Views: 262

Responses: 3




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About This Song


"Pancake" is a punk/alterntiave song about vanity in general and social-media attention whores in general.

Feedback Requested


Any and all general feedback. The song/recording is intended for a forthcoming alternative rock EP that I am currently working on.


3 Responses


Brent Baxter

Hey, CJ!  Thanks for sharing!  Now, this kinda rock isn’t in my wheelhouse, so take my thoughts with a grain of salt.  I love the opening guitar riff.  Pulls me right in.  Tammy Faye reference (while I’m old enough to get it) will probably go over the heads of a lot of listeners- especially the young targets of this song’s ire.  Same for the “You’re So Vain” reference.  And the Gong Show reference.  I guess maybe you’re going for that, though, since there are so many old references.

While it’s not fit for a family audience, I think the 1st line of the 1st chorus is probably the strongest in the song.  It’s blunt, crude and right on point.  Which fits the song, I think.  So I don’t think I’d change it for the 2nd chorus.  I also like the nose/oxygen line in the 2nd chorus, so I’d maybe move that down somewhere else in the chorus.  Maybe the last line?  Or you do the “head up your ___” for the last line.  Basically, take your strongest stuff and make one killer chorus.  Then maybe change it up a little for the 3rd chorus.

Give us something more to sing / rant along with.

I hope that helps.  Please pay it forward by commenting on someone else’s song!

April 21, 2017

Ronnie Glenn

Musically it reminded me of the Kinks but with a little more grunge. I’m not a huge die hard fan of Punk Rock but I do enjoy Green Day from time to time.

Even though the music is pumping up the volume your vocal track needed to be louder in the mix.  I could barely hear the message. The phrasing and rhythm of the words seemed to follow the bass line in a lot of places.

Overall, not too shabby. I can’t say I’m a big fan of the harsh words in the lyric. The title threw me off… I figured “pancake” was about flapjacks in the morning.

Nice cover art BTW,  looks like a 1940s ad for an entertaining time with Madame Sand singing “You’re Glamorous” from her bedroom mirror in my opinion. It just didn’t match up for the song that played.

Thanks for sharing your song CJ and Happy Songwriting.

April 22, 2017

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Sean Kasey

Hey CJ,

I feel I need to add the same disclaimer as Brent as this type of song is not in my songwriting wheelhouse, though I did listen to a little punk rock back in the day (specifically Pennywise and NOFX) but I haven’t really studied that genre of songwriting.

That being said: 

From a communication standpoint (since that is what all songwriting is about) I agree with the idea of having a single chorus that gets repeated.  Changing choruses seem to work better in story songs where it is necessary to move the story along.  (I’ve actually written one like that and one of my favorite country songs, “Austin” by Blake Shelton does that.)  But in general, it works better to give the listener something to sing along with (the first time though they learn the words, then the second time through they’re singing along).  It also helps to reinforce the message/central idea of the song.

The “Your So Vein” reference was the only specific reference that I got on first listen.  After reading Brent’s comments I understood the others and then had a couple thoughts about that.  The juxtaposition of older references with a subject that is clearly about and targeted at a younger generation is kind of a cool artistic concept and if that is what you were going for, then maybe I would leave it as is.  However, I think it might lose some potency as the younger generation you are singing to (as made clear by the last line of the chorus) probably won’t get it.

Regarding the production, I also agree that the vocal needs to be more prominent in the mix.  But not just louder - I think it needs to be punched up a little more either with some heavy handed compression or drawing in some automation curves so that the attack of every syllable really cuts through and sounds as aggressive as the rest of the track.

Finally, I didn’t get the title at all.  I’m not sure if that’s important for this song and again I’m not the target demographic for this song so… Take it as it is.

Hope at least some of this helps!

April 24, 2017

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1

Brent Baxter

Hey, CJ!  Thanks for sharing!  Now, this kinda rock isn’t in my wheelhouse, so take my thoughts with a grain of salt.  I love the opening guitar riff.  Pulls me right in.  Tammy Faye reference (while I’m old enough to get it) will probably go over the heads of a lot of listeners- especially the young targets of this song’s ire.  Same for the “You’re So Vain” reference.  And the Gong Show reference.  I guess maybe you’re going for that, though, since there are so many old references.

While it’s not fit for a family audience, I think the 1st line of the 1st chorus is probably the strongest in the song.  It’s blunt, crude and right on point.  Which fits the song, I think.  So I don’t think I’d change it for the 2nd chorus.  I also like the nose/oxygen line in the 2nd chorus, so I’d maybe move that down somewhere else in the chorus.  Maybe the last line?  Or you do the “head up your ___” for the last line.  Basically, take your strongest stuff and make one killer chorus.  Then maybe change it up a little for the 3rd chorus.

Give us something more to sing / rant along with.

I hope that helps.  Please pay it forward by commenting on someone else’s song!

April 21, 2017

0

Ronnie Glenn

Musically it reminded me of the Kinks but with a little more grunge. I’m not a huge die hard fan of Punk Rock but I do enjoy Green Day from time to time.

Even though the music is pumping up the volume your vocal track needed to be louder in the mix.  I could barely hear the message. The phrasing and rhythm of the words seemed to follow the bass line in a lot of places.

Overall, not too shabby. I can’t say I’m a big fan of the harsh words in the lyric. The title threw me off… I figured “pancake” was about flapjacks in the morning.

Nice cover art BTW,  looks like a 1940s ad for an entertaining time with Madame Sand singing “You’re Glamorous” from her bedroom mirror in my opinion. It just didn’t match up for the song that played.

Thanks for sharing your song CJ and Happy Songwriting.

April 22, 2017

0

Sean Kasey

Hey CJ,

I feel I need to add the same disclaimer as Brent as this type of song is not in my songwriting wheelhouse, though I did listen to a little punk rock back in the day (specifically Pennywise and NOFX) but I haven’t really studied that genre of songwriting.

That being said: 

From a communication standpoint (since that is what all songwriting is about) I agree with the idea of having a single chorus that gets repeated.  Changing choruses seem to work better in story songs where it is necessary to move the story along.  (I’ve actually written one like that and one of my favorite country songs, “Austin” by Blake Shelton does that.)  But in general, it works better to give the listener something to sing along with (the first time though they learn the words, then the second time through they’re singing along).  It also helps to reinforce the message/central idea of the song.

The “Your So Vein” reference was the only specific reference that I got on first listen.  After reading Brent’s comments I understood the others and then had a couple thoughts about that.  The juxtaposition of older references with a subject that is clearly about and targeted at a younger generation is kind of a cool artistic concept and if that is what you were going for, then maybe I would leave it as is.  However, I think it might lose some potency as the younger generation you are singing to (as made clear by the last line of the chorus) probably won’t get it.

Regarding the production, I also agree that the vocal needs to be more prominent in the mix.  But not just louder - I think it needs to be punched up a little more either with some heavy handed compression or drawing in some automation curves so that the attack of every syllable really cuts through and sounds as aggressive as the rest of the track.

Finally, I didn’t get the title at all.  I’m not sure if that’s important for this song and again I’m not the target demographic for this song so… Take it as it is.

Hope at least some of this helps!

April 24, 2017


Written and composed by CJ Marsicano
(c)(p)2017 Generic Yellow Bird Music (BMI)

VERSE ONE
A phony name, and a head with phony hair
A phony heart filled with hate, disguised by phony cares
A phony face covered with makeup worse than Tammy Faye’s
Phony fame trying to conjure up attention-whoring stares

CHORUS ONE
Your head’s up your ass, but you can’t smell your own shit
Confuse your few sheeple with your pathetic halfwit
When it’s too late, Miss Karma will tell you you’re wrong
“You’re So Vain” could very well be about you, and so is this song

VERSE TWO
Miss patron saint of haters going to hate
Your words are feces and your asshole’s on your face
Court jester on social media thinking you’re a queen
With statements so confusing, even you don’t know what they mean

CHORUS TWO
Your nose is in the air, but no oxygen gets to your brain
It won’t be long ’till you’re all tied up and your file gets stamped insane
Send out for Chuck Barris and his panel of judges, it’s time you got gonged
‘Cause “You’re So Vain” could very well be about you, and so is this song

VERSE THREE
Thought you were winning, you lost the consolation prize
The spotlight’s on you know and it’s exposed all your lies
You mocked authority, now it’s blackened your glass eye
You act just like a whore, only you don’t spread your thighs

CHORUS THREE
Make false accusations of ego while you put yours on display
Do us all a favor, buy yourself a rope and swing yourself away
You claimed bad imitations, but you were the copycat all along
‘Cause “You’re So Vain” could very well be about you, and so is this song.

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